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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
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    4,301

    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Quote Quoting SoFedUp
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    ... now that she's broke or on welfare she wants money.
    If she has applied for most state aid it is likely the state is requiring the attempt at child support

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
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    2,745

    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Quote Quoting SoFedUp
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    He was paying her and buying his clothes and diapers and visiting him despite not knowing for sure if the child was his, paternity was never established. She didn't want to establish anything through the courts. She decided to pick up and leave, she made the conscious decision to interfere with his ability to see his supposed child, and now that she's broke or on welfare she wants money.
    I suggest you ignore the baiting -- borne of ignorance -- about your husband's motivations (now or at any time in the past). I'd also suggest avoiding mud-slinging about the mother's motivations. None of it is particularly useful or relevant to the legal issues.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    16,474

    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Quote Quoting pg1067
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    I suggest you ignore the baiting -- borne of ignorance -- about your husband's motivations (now or at any time in the past). I'd also suggest avoiding mud-slinging about the mother's motivations. None of it is particularly useful or relevant to the legal issues.
    Who did any baiting about her husband's motivations? I don't think that anyone made any assumptions about motivations. He did give up trying to find his child and that does happen sometimes. If anyone was making any assumptions it was the OP.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Posts
    8,238

    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Quote Quoting Zigner
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    Right - your valiant husband decided to just give up and move on to start a new family.
    If the lady is now out of work and, thus, broke (or even on welfare), then it's understandable that she'd want help from the child's father in supporting his own child.
    You're going to have to take the blinders off here - your husband gave up on his child. Granted, it may turn out that the girl is NOT his child, but he obviously felt that she was his child for many years...
    You're being awfully judgmental on very little facts. You don't know what efforts he made to find the mother, what efforts she made to stay hidden, etc. You seem to take it for granted that he could have found her fairly readily and that may not have been the case. If he expended considerable effort and came up empty then there comes a time when it's reasonable to give up the active effort. Let's stick to the legal situation and not judge a situation on incomplete facts.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Sep 2020
    Posts
    178

    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Quote Quoting Taxing Matters
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    You're being awfully judgmental on very little facts. You don't know what efforts he made to find the mother, what efforts she made to stay hidden, etc. You seem to take it for granted that he could have found her fairly readily and that may not have been the case. If he expended considerable effort and came up empty then there comes a time when it's reasonable to give up the active effort. Let's stick to the legal situation and not judge a situation on incomplete facts.
    I appreciate your viewpoint on this, but I disagree. I based my post(s) on the facts as they were presented to us. We're not living in the 70's here. There are TONS of resources available for finding somebody, but the guy moved on. I am not judging his motivations (to address another poster's comment), but I am commenting on his actions, or, rather, his lack of action. I stand by what I posted.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
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    2,745

    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Quote Quoting Zigner
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    I am commenting on his actions, or, rather, his lack of action.
    The problem is that the comments were based on "the facts as they were presented," supplemented by assumptions and ignorance.

    "[H]e gave up." Judgmental.

    "[Y]our valiant husband decided to just give up and move on." Judgmental.

    "I don't believe for one second that your husband didn't have the ability to figure out his various options . . . (and neither should you)." Judgmental.

    And every last bit of this is completely unhelpful to the questions asked.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Sep 2020
    Posts
    178

    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Quote Quoting pg1067
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    The problem is that the comments were based on "the facts as they were presented," supplemented by assumptions and ignorance.

    "[H]e gave up." Judgmental.

    "[Y]our valiant husband decided to just give up and move on." Judgmental.

    "I don't believe for one second that your husband didn't have the ability to figure out his various options . . . (and neither should you)." Judgmental.

    And every last bit of this is completely unhelpful to the questions asked.
    Not judgmental, simply restating the facts.
    As to "helpful" - perhaps the one who is legally involved should log on...then he can get some help about his situation.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    273

    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Dad should request visitation based on the distance between him and the child and use every bit granted. It is mom's responsibility to make the child available; he should immediately file for contempt if visitation is denied. Step-mom should be welcoming and do all possible to make the child comfortable in the child's additional home.

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Posts
    8,238

    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Quote Quoting Zigner
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    I appreciate your viewpoint on this, but I disagree. I based my post(s) on the facts as they were presented to us.
    As I stated before, you made judgments based on relatively little information. There is a lot we don't know here.

    Quote Quoting Zigner
    View Post
    We're not living in the 70's here. There are TONS of resources available for finding somebody, but the guy moved on.
    But some of those resources are not cheap to use, and he may not have had the resources to pay for it. And the ones that are available aren't always very good. Even with good resources it is not always possible to find someone who does not want to be found. I know this from having tried to track down people myself. I don't know how much experience you have with doing that, but you may be assuming it's easy to find anyone. It's not always so easy to do.

    Quote Quoting Zigner
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    I am not judging his motivations (to address another poster's comment), but I am commenting on his actions, or, rather, his lack of action.
    Your statements come across as in fact judging his motivations. You may not think so, but the fact that I and others do suggests you aren't seeing your comments the way that others do.

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    886

    Default Re: Mother Took Child Over 10 Years Ago Now Wants Support

    Quote Quoting Zigner
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    Not judgmental, simply restating the facts.
    Your statements are prematurely prejudicial. A judge or jury hears ALL admissible facts from various sources, and only then makes a decision “with prejudice”. Most people without judicial experience tend to make decisions too hastily, and of course that’s why a jury must have a predefined majority in order for a decision to count. Anonymous snap judgment opinions are typically allowed in this forum, but as is also true with jury deliberations others with clearer heads are likely to object.

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