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  1. #1

    Default Pregnant with Enlisted Member's Child, Not Staying Together

    Long story short: I'm pregnant with an enlisted member's child. We did not work out, we have incredibly different life views/goals.
    I'm on the east coast and my family is back west. I have no support system here.
    I will be moving home prior to the birth of the child.
    I'm currently looking at my health insurance options- I can keep paying for my insurance through cobra but to add the child my monthly cost jumps from 590 to 1125 a month.
    Since I'll be out on maternity for a few months and don't plan to start working again until Jan/Feb my question is:
    ***Can/should I petition to have the child put on tricare or will that open a can of custody worms?
    He has said in the past that he wanted full custody, then that he wanted to co-parent and sue me to stay in this state, then finally that he wanted to sign away all rights.

    Any help would be great,

    Thank you in advance!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    4,301

    Default Re: Pregnant with Enlisted Member's Child, Not Staying Together

    Quote Quoting pregnantwithquestions
    View Post
    Long story short: I'm pregnant with an enlisted member's child. We did not work out, we have incredibly different life views/goals.
    I'm on the east coast and my family is back west. I have no support system here.
    I will be moving home prior to the birth of the child.
    I'm currently looking at my health insurance options- I can keep paying for my insurance through cobra but to add the child my monthly cost jumps from 590 to 1125 a month.
    Since I'll be out on maternity for a few months and don't plan to start working again until Jan/Feb my question is:
    ***Can/should I petition to have the child put on tricare or will that open a can of custody worms?
    He has said in the past that he wanted full custody, then that he wanted to co-parent and sue me to stay in this state, then finally that he wanted to sign away all rights.

    Any help would be great,

    Thank you in advance!
    When the child is born you will need to sue for paternity. Once that is successful you will be able to get both child support and medical coverage for the child.

    I wouldn't worry too much about custody battle threats If you are 3 months pregnant or less you should be able to be a resident of your "back west" state so you can sue there.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Pregnant with Enlisted Member's Child, Not Staying Together

    I'm almost seven months pregnant and move next month. Should I wait until the baby is five-six months old before initiating any of that?
    Also thank you for the quick response!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    473

    Default Re: Pregnant with Enlisted Member's Child, Not Staying Together

    Is he going to sign the birth certificate or Acknowledgment of Paternity? If so, then getting the baby on DEERS (that's the database where they track eligibility for military benefits) is all you'll need to do to get the baby Tricare. He'll need to bring the BC, SS card, and the AOP to the nearest DEERS office, and then you'll enroll in a Tricare program.

    If he refuses to acknowledge paternity, then you'll need to wait until there's a court order establishing paternity. There is no reason to wait to start that process -- the sooner, the better.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    16,474

    Default Re: Pregnant with Enlisted Member's Child, Not Staying Together

    Quote Quoting pregnantwithquestions
    View Post
    Long story short: I'm pregnant with an enlisted member's child. We did not work out, we have incredibly different life views/goals.
    I'm on the east coast and my family is back west. I have no support system here.
    I will be moving home prior to the birth of the child.
    If you are going to move, it is wise to do it before the baby is born. He cannot stop you from moving prior, he can absolutely challenge you moving after the baby is born.

    I'm currently looking at my health insurance options- I can keep paying for my insurance through cobra but to add the child my monthly cost jumps from 590 to 1125 a month.
    You might look into temporary Medicaid coverage for the baby since you will be unemployed. You WILL want to get the baby on Tricare ASAP.

    Since I'll be out on maternity for a few months and don't plan to start working again until Jan/Feb my question is:
    ***Can/should I petition to have the child put on tricare or will that open a can of custody worms?
    You are going to have to deal with custody issues eventually anyway. It's better to just deal with them from the get go.

    He has said in the past that he wanted full custody, then that he wanted to co-parent and sue me to stay in this state, then finally that he wanted to sign away all rights.

    Any help would be great,

    Thank you in advance!
    His waffling is not unusual. It's a big shock to have to deal with an unwed pregnancy when the two parents are not together. Just back off and live your pregnancy as serenely as possible (it's best for the baby) and deal with the rest later.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    2,745

    Default Re: Pregnant with Enlisted Member's Child, Not Staying Together

    Quote Quoting pregnantwithquestions
    View Post
    I'm pregnant with an enlisted member's child. We did not work out, we have incredibly different life views/goals.
    And despite that, you chose to conceive a child together....


    Quote Quoting pregnantwithquestions
    View Post
    He has said in the past that he wanted full custody, then that he wanted to co-parent and sue me to stay in this state, then finally that he wanted to sign away all rights.
    I don't know what your question means, so I'm skipping it. However, as to these statements, before the child is born, you are free to go wherever you like, and your ex-boyfriend cannot "sue [you] to stay in [your current] state" of residence. Also, there's no such thing as "sign[ing] away all rights" to a child that hasn't been born. Once the child is born, if someone else wants to adopt it, then your ex can consent to the adoption. Otherwise, there's no such thing as "sign[ing] away all rights" for a child that has been born. The other thing you need to keep in mind is that, if the father wants visitation, you may be required to pay all costs associated with the travel.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    16,474

    Default Re: Pregnant with Enlisted Member's Child, Not Staying Together

    Quote Quoting pg1067
    View Post
    And despite that, you chose to conceive a child together....




    I don't know what your question means, so I'm skipping it. However, as to these statements, before the child is born, you are free to go wherever you like, and your ex-boyfriend cannot "sue [you] to stay in [your current] state" of residence. Also, there's no such thing as "sign[ing] away all rights" to a child that hasn't been born. Once the child is born, if someone else wants to adopt it, then your ex can consent to the adoption. Otherwise, there's no such thing as "sign[ing] away all rights" for a child that has been born. The other thing you need to keep in mind is that, if the father wants visitation, you may be required to pay all costs associated with the travel.
    "May" is significant in this scenario. The OP is moving before the baby is born AND the putative father is in the military and subject to orders sending him elsewhere. Shared is certainly possible, and likely even probable...the OP being required to pay all costs is far less likely.

  8. #8

    Default Re: Pregnant with Enlisted Member's Child, Not Staying Together

    Thank you all- he will not be signing the birth certificate as I'll (hopefully, if all goes as planned) be giving birth far from here.
    I mainly worry that if I stir the hornet's nest with paternity acknowledgment, attempt to seek health insurance or even child support that it may turn ugly as I make significantly more than he does (when I am working, obviously). When he gets out he's in a field where they allegedly start out at 100K minimum and we'd be on a more level playing field.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    473

    Default Re: Pregnant with Enlisted Member's Child, Not Staying Together

    Quote Quoting pregnantwithquestions
    View Post
    Thank you all- he will not be signing the birth certificate as I'll (hopefully, if all goes as planned) be giving birth far from here.
    I mainly worry that if I stir the hornet's nest with paternity acknowledgment, attempt to seek health insurance or even child support that it may turn ugly as I make significantly more than he does (when I am working, obviously). When he gets out he's in a field where they allegedly start out at 100K minimum and we'd be on a more level playing field.
    He won't have to pay for health coverage -- that is free for mil members and their dependents.
    As to child support, if you don't need it from him to raise the child, then put the $$ in a college fund.
    Lastly, it's easy for him to claim he's going for custody, however, doing so is a different matter. Especially for a baby. Because unless you are an addict, abusive, or otherwise unfit, his chances of getting full-time physical custody is low.

    Lastly, if it's his child he has the right to be a part of the child's life. He should be given that option by determining paternity as soon as practical.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    401

    Default Re: Pregnant with Enlisted Member's Child, Not Staying Together

    There is also life insurance to consider should the father pass away. Sadly not everyone who joins the military lives long enough to get out.

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