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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2020
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    6

    Default Visitation Rights - Teenager/Alienation Georgia /New York

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Custody order is in Georgia (Dekalb) and I live in New York ( Rockland County)

    Hello All. I divorced in 2007, my daughter was 4. I had primary custody of her until 2018. Her father didnt exercise most of his visits and generally was pretty disinterested, would ignore invitations or not show for months or years, though she maintained a very close relationship to his parents and I brought her to them states away every summer for long visits. At 15, she went on a visit to her fathers in Georgia and never returned. I was told she decided to move in with the dad in Atlanta, I am in NY. He is remarried and had baby 3 on the way when this happened. She was in one of the best schools in the country here in NY, high honor roll- wants to go to medical school. This move upended a lot though she still plans on medical school someday. She is also now further from his parents.
    I should note her father is a real estate attorney - so he loves to tell me that he does not need to follow the agreement we made just two years ago because apparently my child became an adult once she moved there.
    It was nothing short a nightmare for me after living with my daughter for so long. I went to Georgia and had the opportunity to make my ex come to NY and battle this out. Instead I got talked or bullied into a legal agreement to let her " try this out" as she was hysterically telling me he now wanted to be a father. The agreement stated she could try it for 6 months and if she stayed - I would have open access to her. Nearly the whole summer, breaks, most holidays you name it. None of that has happened at all.
    Since she has gone there- she has been told she is an adult in regard to me and doesnt really have to visit, shouldnt feel guilty or it. She bonded quickly to them and seems to have left me out.

    Now I have not seen her since Thanksgiving. I asked at Christmas to get her, nothing. Spring break he said, oh shes busy sorry cant make her change her schedule. Anyway, in the past I just let him get her whenever he wanted. He never followed our Goergia plan and once we were longer distance I just caved to whatever he needed for her sake, why not we are both her parent. I flew her to him I drove her, I met his parents up the coast you name it. Now that she is there- nothing. He isnt even following the agreement. I was told given her age abd distance a more detailed agreemet with weekends etc would make no sense. It doesnt have the same kind of plan we had when she was young. Still, it has her flying home for summers and gives me holidays and breaks, open access whenever I want. I did last year drive down to see her and she did come home last summer. He honored flying her home once.

    Flash forward to this nonsense going on now. Now we have covid to mix in and my daughter has been really distant. I call and ask her what fun quarantine things well do this summer. We cook together and I had so many plans. I live in the hudson valley a pretty area for hiking, obviously the city is off limits but theres a lot we can do. In atlanta she has been largely at home.
    offer to drive down there pick her up, and bring her back- our agreement says my ex has to pay to fly her to me but with covid I say Ill get her. She tells me she doesnt have much fun here anyway and has to ask her "parents" because her younger brother could get sick. I was pretty hurt-- raise her from a baby until 15, and Im not in the parent category! But either way I tell her - really she needs to see her mom and wed be staying home as much as she is there. Nothing. She says the usual she is an adult, just finished 11th grade on and on.


    Shes going into her senior year. I miss my daughter. This is not the agreement I made. Its been nearly 10 months since Ive seen her and the more time apart the harder our relationship gets. I feel so powerless and I dont even know how to confront my ex on this.. Its been nothing but a snarky battle of how he cant make her do anything on and on and how he allegedly encourages visitation but he has no real say as she is not a baby. She is not an adult she has very strict rules there-- why is she not being made to see me? IS there any way to enforce this order even though she just finished 11th grade?

    I do have a legal agreement, I thought I had rights. Ive waited patiently with this covid stuff in addition its now almost July. Things are as good as theyll get. Any advice. I would like to email him again about a summer visit. We havent spoken since spring on it. But even before covid, it was the same old-- he wasnt sure of her schedule she is social he told me not a kid anymore he doesnt have to make her visit.

    Advice? What do I say to him ? How can I enforce the Georgia agreement we made? Can I given shell be a senior? I have a hard time standing up to this guy so any advice on how to be less emotional and get her home would be so helpful. Thank you.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    4,095

    Default Re: Visitation Rights - Teenager/Alienation Georgia /New York

    You have waited entirely too long. You only option now and in the past is to get in front of a judge to demand enforcement of the agreement.

    Since the child is ~17 a Georgia judge is likely to allow her to have some say in his decision. You are going to have to spend time and money in GA to make anything happen and it will only stand until she is no longer a minor. After that she has 100% say in who she spends time with.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2020
    Posts
    6

    Default Re: Visitation Rights - Teenager/Alienation Georgia /New York

    Thank you for your input. I have asked for some consult from an attorney in Georgia. In december I was told to wait to see if he followed the summer visitation since it was explicit in my agreement. Here we are in summer and he is not.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
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    4,095

    Default Re: Visitation Rights - Teenager/Alienation Georgia /New York

    Quote Quoting Phiomena
    View Post
    Thank you for your input. I have asked for some consult from an attorney in Georgia. In december I was told to wait to see if he followed the summer visitation since it was explicit in my agreement. Here we are in summer and he is not.
    Then you should contact that Georgia lawyer.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    16,247

    Default Re: Visitation Rights - Teenager/Alienation Georgia /New York

    When does she turn 18?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2020
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    6

    Default Re: Visitation Rights - Teenager/Alienation Georgia /New York

    Quote Quoting llworking
    View Post
    When does she turn 18?

    In January - middle of her senior year.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
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    4,095

    Default Re: Visitation Rights - Teenager/Alienation Georgia /New York

    Quote Quoting Phiomena
    View Post
    In January - middle of her senior year.
    The chances of you getting this into court and decided by the end of summer are small. At best you may get it done in time to be allowed at her 18th birthday party.

    In my opinion you need to shift your focus on having a relationship with your daughter as an adult.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    16,247

    Default Re: Visitation Rights - Teenager/Alienation Georgia /New York

    Quote Quoting PayrolGuy
    View Post
    The chances of you getting this into court and decided by the end of summer are small. At best you may get it done in time to be allowed at her 18th birthday party.

    In my opinion you need to shift your focus on having a relationship with your daughter as an adult.
    I agree. There is no point in spending the money to try to get this into court. The day she turns 18 she is no longer subject to court orders and can do what she wants.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    18,004

    Default Re: Visitation Rights - Teenager/Alienation Georgia /New York

    I agree with the last two posts. There is nothing a teenager resents more than being used as a pawn in a custody battle.

    Forget lawyers and court at this point unless you want to completely alienate her.

    Work on a relationship with her.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    667

    Default Re: Visitation Rights - Teenager/Alienation Georgia /New York

    Add me into the agreement with the previous posts.

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