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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2019
    Posts
    1

    Default Mom Hasn't Seen Child in Over 5 Years and Now Wants to Comeback

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Missouri
    My son was awarded custody of his daughter in 2014, mother was to undergo drug counseling, and could have supervised visitation with the child. The last time she saw the child was in 2014. Prior to son getting custody the child stayed with me and my husband (Dads mom) from the time she was 4 months of age to just over one. Father stepped in and started week on week of visitation with mother until it was discovered that mother was picking the child up and taking her to her mothers and dropping her off. drugs and past allegations of sexual abuse of the grandmother on the mothers side prompted dad to go into court and get custody of his daughter. Long story short Mom involved in drugs dropped out of the picture, and hadn't seen the child since December of 2014.
    in October she began to pay child support , recently the mother sent a message that she had gotten straightened up, she started working in October and she got married in November. she wanted the daughters social security number to put her on insurance and wanted to talk about their daughter. what if anything can we do to prevent her from disrupting the child's life the child has no idea who her mother is. Son is not married. The child has lived with me and my husband for the last 7 years with the exception of the brief visitation between the age of 1 and 2

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    20,523

    Default Re: Mom Hasn't Seen Child in Over 5 Years and Now Wants to Comeback

    You say the child lives with you. Does the child's father?

    Ultimately, the custodial parent (dad) does not have to do ANYTHING with regards to mom without a court order. Until she goes back to court and gets an order for visitation, it's business as usual - so long as he complies with whatever existing agreement(s) might be in place.

    I think it is admirable that mom wants to be involved, now. You're right to be suspicious, but, that doesn't mean that there has not been a change. I spent years working with recovering addicts and the single greatest regret that most of the women had was losing their children as a result of their addictions. Some were able to reconnect with their children when they got clean and out of legal trouble. Others were either prohibited, or, the adoptive families were far away or simply not known. But, this will be dad's decision, not yours - unless you have legal custody for some reason.
    **********
    Retired Cal Cop Sergeant & Teacher

    Seek justice,
    Love mercy,
    Walk humbly with your God

    -- Courageous, by Casting Crowns ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkM-gDcmJeM

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    38,867

    Default Re: Mom Hasn't Seen Child in Over 5 Years and Now Wants to Comeback

    Where is the father? it almost sounds like he isn’t even present.

    Unless you have some court granted rights or are acting under the direction of the father and his actions are based on a standing court order, you have no authority to refuse the mothers requests/demands to see her child. There are actions yiu could take if the mother shows up if there are orders requiring the mother to have supervised visitation but you yourself don’t have the authority to enforce those orders.

    If the father is actually there and involved, he does have the authority to demand any standing order be respected.

    Your position of the intent to exclude the mother from the child’s life won’t be looked upon kindly by the courts. A parents position in their child’s life is nearly sacrosanct in the courts. Granted it’s been 5 years ans a court will likely require a period of adjustment where the child becomes familiar with the mother but a court is not going to exclude the mother from the child’s life without good cause. The passage of time alone is not good cause.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    24,245

    Default Re: Mom Hasn't Seen Child in Over 5 Years and Now Wants to Comeback

    It puzzles me.

    When a parent is not interested in the child that is a Bad Thing.

    When the parent has a change of heart and decide they want to be a part of the child's life that is also a Bad Thing.

    This does not make sense to me.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    17,616

    Default Re: Mom Hasn't Seen Child in Over 5 Years and Now Wants to Comeback

    Quote Quoting jscalls2012
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    what if anything can we do
    There's no "we" here. This is your son's business.

    Quote Quoting jscalls2012
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    disrupting the child's life
    "Disrupting"? You're a real piece of work.

    Quote Quoting jscalls2012
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    the child has no idea who her mother is.
    It's about time she did.

    Quote Quoting jscalls2012
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    The child has lived with me and my husband for the last 7 years with the exception of the brief visitation between the age of 1 and 2
    Which gives you absolutely no rights to anything that has to do with your son's relationship with mother and child.

    And you know what, Granny, in a few years there is a distinct possibility that the Mom will get physical custody, your son will have visitation and pay child support.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    264

    Default Re: Mom Hasn't Seen Child in Over 5 Years and Now Wants to Comeback

    Grandmother,

    As granny to granny, I understand your concerns and desire not to lose control over your grandchild.

    I suggest that your best course of action is to:

    1. get the child into counseling since an action in court is likely and this will spill out into the child's life
    2. get yourself into counseling or a grandparent support group since your relationship with your grandchild will likely change and not in the way you would like
    3. get your son an attorney and perhaps another for yourself to determine what rights you might have given your long term involvement in the child's life
    4. put the child's relationship with the parents over your relationship with the child
    5. work to mend your relationship with the child's mother; the child needs to see the people who love her respect and be cordial - even if they cannot love - each other

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    3,144

    Default Re: Mom Hasn't Seen Child in Over 5 Years and Now Wants to Comeback

    Quote Quoting OKisNotOK
    View Post
    Grandmother,

    As granny to granny, I understand your concerns and desire not to lose control over your grandchild.

    I suggest that your best course of action is to:

    1. get the child into counseling since an action in court is likely and this will spill out into the child's life
    2. get yourself into counseling or a grandparent support group since your relationship with your grandchild will likely change and not in the way you would like
    3. get your son an attorney and perhaps another for yourself to determine what rights you might have given your long term involvement in the child's life
    4. put the child's relationship with the parents over your relationship with the child
    5. work to mend your relationship with the child's mother; the child needs to see the people who love her respect and be cordial - even if they cannot love - each other
    In addition to the above, do not talk against the mother where the child can hear or overhear. The mother may be in treatment and doing well. Counseling for the child, you and your son is vital to a healthy outcome for the child.

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