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  1. #1
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    May 2012
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    Default Best Time for Custody Arrangements

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: VA

    My daughter's father has not seen her, spoken to her, or asked about her since July 2018. We are currently in a court process because he is not paying child support and the child support department actually took him court. He did not show up for the first court date so we have another one in January. The judge told me if he doesn't show again a warrant for his arrest would be sent out.

    I have to make changes to our custody agreement because of his absence. At this point, I need to make sure I am and also my daughter is taken care of in regards to decision making.

    Will it make a difference if I wait with the custody changes? Or should I also get them started asap? I ave texted, called and emailed him plenty of time throughout the past year and he either does not respond at all or I get a short text message. If I do get a court date to make changes to our custody agreement, and he does not show up again, will it not be possible to make any changes? Or will I still be able to make changes as needed?

    Any advice is appreciated.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
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    47.606 N 122.332 W in body, still at 90 S in my mind.
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    Default Re: Best Time for Custody Arrangements

    The best time for custody arrangements is in the spring. Parental rages are at their best that time of the year.
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    15,730

    Default Re: Best Time for Custody Arrangements

    Quote Quoting kathak
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: VA

    My daughter's father has not seen her, spoken to her, or asked about her since July 2018. We are currently in a court process because he is not paying child support and the child support department actually took him court. He did not show up for the first court date so we have another one in January. The judge told me if he doesn't show again a warrant for his arrest would be sent out.

    I have to make changes to our custody agreement because of his absence. At this point, I need to make sure I am and also my daughter is taken care of in regards to decision making.

    Will it make a difference if I wait with the custody changes? Or should I also get them started asap? I ave texted, called and emailed him plenty of time throughout the past year and he either does not respond at all or I get a short text message. If I do get a court date to make changes to our custody agreement, and he does not show up again, will it not be possible to make any changes? Or will I still be able to make changes as needed?

    Any advice is appreciated.
    Do you know what caused him to stop being involved in your daughter's life? How old is she?

    I would at least wait until the child support case has finished. You don't want to poke the sleeping bear. He might very well file for full custody himself if he ends up with a child support increase. He won't win if you handle it properly, but he might do that.

    If you have issues with decision making because he won't respond to you, then change the way that you message him about it. Tell him what you intend to do and then tell him that if he doesn't contact you with a different proposal before XXX date then you assume that he agrees with you and will proceed accordingly.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
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    1,776

    Default Re: Best Time for Custody Arrangements

    Quote Quoting kathak
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    I have to make changes to our custody agreement because of his absence.
    Could you elaborate about what this means. An agreement, by definition requires two (or more) parties, so it is impossible for you to change an agreement without your child's father's involvement. Did you mean to say that the court asked you to propose changes to the existing custody order?


    Quote Quoting kathak
    View Post
    Will it make a difference if I wait with the custody changes?
    I'm not really sure what this question means, but I have to assume that the answer depends on how long you wait. Are you talking about waiting until tomorrow? Waiting until December? Waiting until the child turns 18?


    Quote Quoting kathak
    View Post
    Or should I also get them started asap?
    Assuming I'm right that the court asked you to propose changes, what possible value to you and/or your child might you realize by waiting?

    You pretty clearly need to consult with a local family law attorney.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: Best Time for Custody Arrangements

    Quote Quoting pg1067
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    Could you elaborate about what this means. An agreement, by definition requires two (or more) parties, so it is impossible for you to change an agreement without your child's father's involvement. Did you mean to say that the court asked you to propose changes to the existing custody order?




    I'm not really sure what this question means, but I have to assume that the answer depends on how long you wait. Are you talking about waiting until tomorrow? Waiting until December? Waiting until the child turns 18?




    Assuming I'm right that the court asked you to propose changes, what possible value to you and/or your child might you realize by waiting?

    You pretty clearly need to consult with a local family law attorney.
    The court has not asked her to propose changes. She wants to file for a modification based on the fact that dad is not working with her regarding the child. She does NOT need dad's agreement to file for a modification and to let the judge decide. Just because they had a custody agreement in the past does not require them to always have a custody agreement.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2012
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    140

    Default Re: Best Time for Custody Arrangements

    Quote Quoting llworking
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    Do you know what caused him to stop being involved in your daughter's life? How old is she?

    I would at least wait until the child support case has finished. You don't want to poke the sleeping bear. He might very well file for full custody himself if he ends up with a child support increase. He won't win if you handle it properly, but he might do that.

    If you have issues with decision making because he won't respond to you, then change the way that you message him about it. Tell him what you intend to do and then tell him that if he doesn't contact you with a different proposal before XXX date then you assume that he agrees with you and will proceed accordingly.
    My daughter is 6. I honestly don't know exactly. He was always pretty good about it. Then he had another gf and another child. It was still going fairly well and friendly. He started to skip picking our daughter up, or he would be hours late. He was supposed to pick her up for her birthday from after-school care. He did not pick her up and texted me at 11pm that he would get her at 11am the next day. I told him no and he hasn't picked her up since and has not tried to pick her up either.

    thank you for the tip with the proposals. I am going to give that a try. Again, I doubt it kind of takes away the waiting part on my side

    that is correct.

    Dad is not answering calls and not responding to any text messages. I even called his mom to make sure that he was okay and not in the hospital or dead or something. He is fine. Just being a jerk.

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