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  1. #1

    Question Appropriate Use of Phone Calls

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: CA

    My children's father has recently started exercising his allocated phone calls that he is given per our custody order. He has had no contact with the children for eight months. The children are now 2(disabled) and 3. There is a restraining order also in place. He is allowed three phone calls a week for no more than one hour each. He has begun to put other family members on the phone during his phone time. I feel that the time should be used for him to speak to the kids only as it is the only current form of contact he has with them. I have voiced my feelings in the matter and he feels that it's his time to use however he wants. Which one of us is correct? I don't want to be completely rigid but would like to make sure appropriate boundaries are being set.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
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    2,366

    Default Re: Appropriate Use of Phone Calls

    What does the court order say about this?

    How much contact time do you allow the "other family members" outside of the phone call time with the father?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
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    4,002

    Default Re: Appropriate Use of Phone Calls

    Quote Quoting EShear0715
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: CA

    My children's father has recently started exercising his allocated phone calls that he is given per our custody order. He has had no contact with the children for eight months. The children are now 2(disabled) and 3. There is a restraining order also in place. He is allowed three phone calls a week for no more than one hour each. He has begun to put other family members on the phone during his phone time. I feel that the time should be used for him to speak to the kids only as it is the only current form of contact he has with them. I have voiced my feelings in the matter and he feels that it's his time to use however he wants. Which one of us is correct? I don't want to be completely rigid but would like to make sure appropriate boundaries are being set.

    I'd be willing to bet that the court would go along with family members being allowed on the calls just as it would be with a visit to grandma's house during his visitation time when that comes.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
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    495

    Default Re: Appropriate Use of Phone Calls

    Quote Quoting EShear0715
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: CA

    My children's father has recently started exercising his allocated phone calls that he is given per our custody order. He has had no contact with the children for eight months. The children are now 2(disabled) and 3. There is a restraining order also in place. He is allowed three phone calls a week for no more than one hour each. He has begun to put other family members on the phone during his phone time. I feel that the time should be used for him to speak to the kids only as it is the only current form of contact he has with them. I have voiced my feelings in the matter and he feels that it's his time to use however he wants. Which one of us is correct? I don't want to be completely rigid but would like to make sure appropriate boundaries are being set.
    Iím shocked that a toddler and a preschool aged child can even manage a 10 minute phone call, let alone an hour.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Appropriate Use of Phone Calls

    This is another issue I'm having. There was a temporary order that was part of a TRO stating "no less than 15 minutes no more than one hour". But the actual custody minute order doesn't go specific at all. I struggle to keep my 3 year old on the phone and have to chase him around, my two year old is non verbal and doesn't understand what's going on with the calls at all. I don't know at what point its appropriate to end the calls. My ex tried saying he is allowed "one interrupted hour" for each call but this is definitely not the case.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
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    4,002

    Default Re: Appropriate Use of Phone Calls

    I would stop talking advice from your ex.

    What you should do is put the kids in their play area and hand them the phone and say "Talk to Daddy."

  7. #7

    Default Re: Appropriate Use of Phone Calls

    Quote Quoting PayrolGuy
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    I would stop talking advice from your ex.

    What you should do is put the kids in their play area and hand them the phone and say "Talk to Daddy."
    At what point do I consider the phone call over? My two year old can't speak at all and can't be left unattended. He really doesn't benefit from anything a couple quick words. My ex could use up an hour talking "at him" though which seems pointless. And my three year old talks for a few minutes then wants to move on and say bye. But once he says bye my ex continues to try to engage him further for as long as he can and expects me to chase him around pushing him to keep talking. So how to I properly end the call?

  8. #8
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    Oct 2016
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    Default Re: Appropriate Use of Phone Calls

    Quote Quoting EShear0715
    View Post
    At what point do I consider the phone call over? My two year old can't speak at all and can't be left unattended. He really doesn't benefit from anything a couple quick words. My ex could use up an hour talking "at him" though which seems pointless. And my three year old talks for a few minutes then wants to move on and say bye. But once he says bye my ex continues to try to engage him further for as long as he can and expects me to chase him around pushing him to keep talking. So how to I properly end the call?
    First, the only person that has said anything about an hour was you and then you backed off that the order actually said that.

    It may seem pointless to you but I'd be willing to bet that you talk to your none verbal child all the time.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    38,867

    Default Re: Appropriate Use of Phone Calls

    Especially since you have a nonverbal child, Apple FaceTime or whatever audio visual interface Android has available would be a great way for the father to interact with the child


    since the court order specifies no less than 15 minutes and no more than an hour, if there is activity up to an hour you would be best served by allowing the interaction to continue for that hour.

    you are not obligated to chaperone the calls and in some cases, such activity is actually prohibited by the courts. Parolguys suggestion of handing the phone to the children and letting them talk with daddy would be a great idea. Unless you have some valid reason to object to the father allowing others to interact with the children during the calls, it is not something you should be taking issue with. That is the fatherís time and just as if the children were physically visiting him, if dad chooses to share his time with others, itís his choice. Besides, going to court arguing he is letting your children speak with others comes off as really controlling on your part and a judge just have a real problem with that.


    and it is a really sad statement that you feel the father talking ďatĒ the child is a waste. I couldnít talk at anybody for an hour without some response. Any interaction between the father and the child should be welcomed and fostered. If the child is listening to dad, then talking ďatĒ the child is beneficial. It is involving the child. Shame on you for suggesting it is wasted time.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    16,206

    Default Re: Appropriate Use of Phone Calls

    While I agree with in theory with what the other poster are telling you I do think that a judge is going to realize that a 2 and a 3 year old are not going to be kept on the phone for more than 15 minutes at best. I do believe that a judge will take that into consideration.

    Once it's finalized that NY does not have any jurisdiction over the custody of the children, and maybe even after the divorce is done, you may want to take it back to court in CA to get the phone call lengths clarified. It would be difficult to get children of any age to stay on the phone for an hour.

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