It's funny how pendulums work. For years, centuries even, men "owned" their wives and children (look up "chattel", son). When hubs wandered, wifey was expected to put up with it. And if hubs decided to divorce? He took the kids and left wifey to destitution. Now? Hubs wants to play? He should expect to pay. Horrors.
OP - you had no problem with your wife staying home and raising your children while you nailed your secretary. You want out? Expect to pay for the pleasure. I'd also expect your g/f to hightail it away from you.
BTW - NY, I believe, still allows orders for college expenses. I suggest you find a very good lawyer.

