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  1. #21
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    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: Custody of Autistic Kid

    Quote Quoting jk
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    of course op needs an attorney but suggesting my statements are incorrect is going a bit far. Apparently you have an emotional attachment to the issue and are falling for the ops blathering about it rather than seeing that ops issue isn’t really about harm to the child but her fear she might be accused of something she hasn’t done.

    Op is attempting to limit the fathers free association with family. Courts are very hesitant to attempt to limit a person’s rights when dealing with child custody without good evidence it is harmful to the child. Nothing op has posted shows the possibility of harm to the child. Her short excerpt speaks to matters where a child may not recieve accepted as normal treatment if they are subjected to RPM treatment. That is based on a single household situation where money is spent on one treatment over another. Op is free to seek whatever treatment her child needs regardless what the father may be doing. If op fails to do so, it’s on her

    i have seen situations where drugs or guns and some pretty bad people were involved. The courts involved wouldn’t limit the associations with the parents in those cases as it could not be shown there is a valid concern of harm to the child.

    Op is arguing based on her dislike for the husbands family. That is very likely to be seen as nothing more than a personal emotional issue and not as a valid fear the child is in danger. A court is surely not going to issue a restraining order based on what’s been presented here and is highly unlikely to include limitations in any parenting plan limiting the father’s association with the people op is concerned with when he has the child.

    Jk, this post, as well as every other post you have made in this thread completely ignores the past history of the members of dad's family that mom is concerned about. That is why I posted what I did. You are giving the classic advice that is given to a parent who is not sharing properly, even though there actually IS some valid cause for concern in this thread.

    I have no emotion investment in this thread. However it very much concerns me when I see advice strongly given on this forum that does have the possibility, even if somewhat remote, of actually causing harm to a child. Dad's cousin is a self proclaimed expert in RPM who has a proven history of doing harm with RPM. PRM has the potential to be abused. Dad's sister is overly involved in this break up and is bad mouthing mom.

    These are all reasons why mom should be listening to the advice of professionals rather than laypeople.

  2. #22
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    Mar 2019
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    11

    Default Re: Custody of Autistic Kid

    Quote Quoting jk
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    of course op needs an attorney but suggesting my statements are incorrect is going a bit far. Apparently you have an emotional attachment to the issue and are falling for the ops blathering about it rather than seeing that ops issue isn’t really about harm to the child but her fear she might be accused of something she hasn’t done.

    Op is attempting to limit the fathers free association with family. Courts are very hesitant to attempt to limit a person’s rights when dealing with child custody without good evidence it is harmful to the child. Nothing op has posted shows the possibility of harm to the child. Her short excerpt speaks to matters where a child may not recieve accepted as normal treatment if they are subjected to RPM treatment. That is based on a single household situation where money is spent on one treatment over another. Op is free to seek whatever treatment her child needs regardless what the father may be doing. If op fails to do so, it’s on her

    i have seen situations where drugs or guns and some pretty bad people were involved. The courts involved wouldn’t limit the associations with the parents in those cases as it could not be shown there is a valid concern of harm to the child.

    Op is arguing based on her dislike for the husbands family. That is very likely to be seen as nothing more than a personal emotional issue and not as a valid fear the child is in danger. A court is surely not going to issue a restraining order based on what’s been presented here and is highly unlikely to include limitations in any parenting plan limiting the father’s association with the people op is concerned with when he has the child.
    Are you a lawyer ?

    How is is not harm to a non-verbal person to have any communication assigned to him or her that has been shown by scientific studies to not actually be the communication of the autistic person but of the "facilitator" ? Is there any reasoning to your argument that an intervention that is harmful to a subject is in - your opinion - not harmful to the subject ? Have you got evidence contradictory to what research over several decades has shown ? Again, please explain how it is not harmful to have someone else's communication ascribed to the disabled individual ? That is the real harm associated with RPM, not just the opportunity cost or time that could have been spent in pursuing an evidence based method of intervention !

    Let us assume Hag uses this quackery to falsely accuse me of abusing my child with autism. The child is taken away from me and subject to a battery of tests (including medical exams which incidentally are incredibly traumatic to him), is sent to live with people who hate his mother and does not see his mother and is unable to understand why ?! Are you sure this is OK just because you believe that my toxic inlaws have a "right" to access them simply by virtue of being the father's relatives ? Really ? Again, are you a lawyer ?

    You appear to be the one who has a personal / emotional attachment to this thread and are attacking me as being "unduly" biased against my STBX in-laws because I want to limit their toxic influence on my children. Yes, I believe alienation of affection is harmful to the children and I absolutely will be lawyering up. But I am amazed to get this sort of emotional / personal attacks in response to a request for legal advice !

    Quote Quoting llworking
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    Frugal, I do not think that this forum is the right place for you.

    You are getting very opinionated responses from just one poster and that poster is not an attorney or a therapist so while I believe that poster's intentions are good, I do not believe that the poster is approaching this from an educated standpoint, not even as an educated layperson.

    You need to be consulting with an attorney and those in the psychology and special education fields who are familiar with RPM and how it can be used and/or abused.

    However, you also need to understand that people who are divorcing tend to hate each other and tend to read all kinds of negative emotions into what the other is doing. Unfortunately those parent's extended family often get overly invested emotionally in the situation and give really bad advice and/or make really bad choices. So, sometimes its necessary to let emotions calm down a little before people get reasonable.

    I certainly wouldn't want the people you have described anywhere near a child of mine, let alone an autistic one. However if you approach this with your soon to be ex with not only information regarding the background of the people in question, but also info from other professionals, you may bet better responses from him than you might think.
    Thank you. I tried my best to save this marriage but he's bull headed and I don't want to be disrespected anymore. Plus, I do worry about my son. I do not hate my STBX and I don't think he is a bad father at all but his family has hated me from the beginning and I stopped trying after 7 years of doing my best to "win them over".

    I still never restricted any access to my kids (in hindsight i should have when they first began busting boundaries with my kids) but I absolutely do not want them in my kids' lives after this. At 18, my other kids can decide whether to pursue a relationship with their father's family or not but as long as they are minors, not going to happen IF I can help it. I will definitely be contacting a psychologist too, thank you for the heads up. You're right - he may respect professional opinion better than mine. I want to make this a fast and amicable split if possible, and I am hoping he works with me instead of against me

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
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    833

    Default Re: Custody of Autistic Kid

    Quote Quoting Frugal
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    I still never restricted any access to my kids (in hindsight i should have when they first began busting boundaries with my kids) but I absolutely do not want them in my kids' lives after this.
    I think this statement right here may be one of the things that could come back to haunt you. If you haven't done anything prior to you and your husband splitting to limit access, it does give the appearance that this is retaliatory or spiteful rather than in the child's best interest. I am not saying that absolutely is the case, but it does give the appearance of being the case.
    Make sure you LOVE your child more than you HATE your ex.

  4. #24
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    Mar 2019
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    Default Re: Custody of Autistic Kid

    Quote Quoting readytoleave
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    I think this statement right here may be one of the things that could come back to haunt you. If you haven't done anything prior to you and your husband splitting to limit access, it does give the appearance that this is retaliatory or spiteful rather than in the child's best interest. I am not saying that absolutely is the case, but it does give the appearance of being the case.
    Yes, and that was my stupidity giving them the benefit of the doubt for years and years until they pulled this. When this incident happened, I restricted (or tried to restrict) their access to our kids immediately. I wanted to save this marriage and in hindsight it wasn't going to work out. The access wasn't restricted in retaliation or owing to pending divorce, the access was restricted because of those women's attempts to foist quackery on my son. I hope my lawyer clarifies this to the court.

  5. #25
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    Default Re: Custody of Autistic Kid

    Quote Quoting llworking
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    Jk, this post, as well as every other post you have made in this thread completely ignores the past history of the members of dad's family that mom is concerned about. That is why I posted what I did. You are giving the classic advice that is given to a parent who is not sharing properly, even though there actually IS some valid cause for concern in this thread.

    I have no emotion investment in this thread. However it very much concerns me when I see advice strongly given on this forum that does have the possibility, even if somewhat remote, of actually causing harm to a child. Dad's cousin is a self proclaimed expert in RPM who has a proven history of doing harm with RPM. PRM has the potential to be abused. Dad's sister is overly involved in this break up and is bad mouthing mom.

    These are all reasons why mom should be listening to the advice of professionals rather than laypeople.
    First, the only apparent issue op has with the sister in law is she denigrates her. I don’t know if it is even in front of the child yet op believes that is adequate to seek a restraining order against her; it isn’t. Then there is the rpm therapist. Op can’t even explain what happened in the trial she describes. You know as well as I do prosecutors don’t take people to trial they don’t believe they have a good chance of winnning against. It wastes precious recourses. Additionally, the rpm gal was a reporter of an event. The prosecutor would have investigated this before even filing charges. Then, they would set up their case, ya know, with evidence and all, all the while the defense attorney would be attempting to have the charges dismissed

    it went to trial. That says a lot about what the prosecutor believes happened.


    I feel sorry for the father. Apparently op sees him as a milquetoast, incapable of standing up for himself and to protect his children.

    Op appears to be more concerned with the two women’s dislike for op than any real issue with the child.


    And op hasn’t shown anything to support issuing a restraining order against the sister in law and very little against the rpm therapist. Op has shown nothing that would cause a judge to allow a restriction against sister in law seeing the child. Maybe she might get a prohibition against the rpm therapist treating the child but I still don’t see anything to support a no contact order as long as she doesn’t attempt to treat if the court says she can’t.

  6. #26
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    Mar 2019
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    11

    Default Re: Custody of Autistic Kid

    Quote Quoting jk
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    First, the only apparent issue op has with the sister in law is she denigrates her. I don’t know if it is even in front of the child yet op believes that is adequate to seek a restraining order against her; it isn’t. Then there is the rpm therapist. Op can’t even explain what happened in the trial she describes. You know as well as I do prosecutors don’t take people to trial they don’t believe they have a good chance of winnning against. It wastes precious recourses. Additionally, the rpm gal was a reporter of an event. The prosecutor would have investigated this before even filing charges. Then, they would set up their case, ya know, with evidence and all, all the while the defense attorney would be attempting to have the charges dismissed

    it went to trial. That says a lot about what the prosecutor believes happened.


    I feel sorry for the father. Apparently op sees him as a milquetoast, incapable of standing up for himself and to protect his children.

    Op appears to be more concerned with the two women’s dislike for op than any real issue with the child.


    And op hasn’t shown anything to support issuing a restraining order against the sister in law and very little against the rpm therapist. Op has shown nothing that would cause a judge to allow a restriction against sister in law seeing the child. Maybe she might get a prohibition against the rpm therapist treating the child but I still don’t see anything to support a no contact order as long as she doesn’t attempt to treat if the court says she can’t.
    And just how many times do I have to repeat that my in-laws are talking against me to my kids ? There's some alienation of affection even if she's just talking crap about me to my husband but she does it in front of my kids and to my kids !

    Errr, you don't know the facts of the case either so nice try attempting to show that there was cause. Medical exams of ALL the children showed that they had NOT been raped. Those are the facts. And none of this ever shows that RPM is an approved method of communication or that Hag is an angel who made a report in good faith.

    No, the father is not "milquetoast" although he has shown that he cannot be relied upon to stop his relatives from bad mouthing his wife to not just him, but also to our kids ! And yes he's actually a threat to the kid because he permitted his sister to orchestrate a quack fest on our son without my knowledge !

    Anyone who arranges quackery to be performed on a child is a danger to the child - that would be my prize of my STBX SIL.

  7. #27
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    Default Re: Custody of Autistic Kid

    And just how many times do I have to repeat that my in-laws are talking against me to my kids ?
    i don’t know. How many times do I have to say that can be addressed in the parenting contract. It is not a valid basis for a restraining order and until a court tells the father the children are not to be exposed to you being denigrated and he allows it to happen, it is highly unlikely a judge will preemptively prohibit the father from allowing those two women around the children.


    Errr, you don't know the facts of the case either so nice try attempting to show that there was cause.
    err, the charge was almost assuredly a felony. Charging a felony requires a probable cause hearing or an indictment issued by a grand jury . Apparently there was enough evidence for a judge or grand jury to allow the case to move forward to the trial stage.


    No, the father is not "milquetoast" although he has shown that he cannot be relied upon to stop his relatives from bad mouthing his wife to not just him, but also to our kids ! And yes he's actually a threat to the kid because he permitted his sister to orchestrate a quack fest on our son without my knowledge !
    boy are you in for some surprises. The father doesn’t have to have your input on everything he does with the children.

    and his relatives have a right to “bad mouth” you if they so choose. You’ve been doing a pretty good job of bad mouthing them throughout this entire thread. Do you believe it’s ok for you to say negative things about them but they can’t say negative things about you?

    Medical exams of ALL the children s
    first, it’s highly unlikely the actual charge was rape since that is not what it is called in California law. Due to your inaccurate recounting of the situation, one can only guess what the actual charge was.



  8. #28
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    Jun 2014
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    Default Re: Custody of Autistic Kid

    You can do little to nothing about people talking against you to your child. You cannot control others expressing their opinions.

  9. #29
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    Default Re: Custody of Autistic Kid

    Quote Quoting jk
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    i don’t know. How many times do I have to say that can be addressed in the parenting contract. It is not a valid basis for a restraining order and until a court tells the father the children are not to be exposed to you being denigrated and he allows it to happen, it is highly unlikely a judge will preemptively prohibit the father from allowing those two women around the children.




    err, the charge was almost assuredly a felony. Charging a felony requires a probable cause hearing or an indictment issued by a grand jury . Apparently there was enough evidence for a judge or grand jury to allow the case to move forward to the trial stage.




    boy are you in for some surprises. The father doesn’t have to have your input on everything he does with the children.

    and his relatives have a right to “bad mouth” you if they so choose. You’ve been doing a pretty good job of bad mouthing them throughout this entire thread. Do you believe it’s ok for you to say negative things about them but they can’t say negative things about you?


    first, it’s highly unlikely the actual charge was rape since that is not what it is called in California law. Due to your inaccurate recounting of the situation, one can only guess what the actual charge was.


    Seriously ? First of all, I am not bad mouthing them to MY children or theirs.

    Second of all, I am providing the background info about my divorce case to a group of (what I believe are) anonymous people on the Internet in the process of asking for legal advice from lawyers. That doesn't mean I am sitting around "bad mouthing" them all day long. Sharing the facts of my case in the process of seeking legal advice from lawyers isn't "bad mouthing"

    You are not a lawyer (based on your refusal to answer my question if you are) and you have no business giving me "legal advice".

    There is such a thing called alienation of affection which, they do choose to engage in, which I believe courts aren't fond of, and which the Court hearing my divorce case will hear about ! I don't think any Court thinks like you - that they have the inalienable "right" to bad-mouth me to my kids. Boy, you're quite something, aren't you ?!

    No, the father cannot subject his son to quackery just because that is his son. The last I checked there are laws against exposing a child (even your own) to harm which is why CPS exists. Per you, there should apparently be no such laws, right ? Right ! Now, the last time he did it, he had no clue. Now that he does, I hope he won't do it again. This is about protecting the child, not being able to do "whatever" because he's the father.

    Do you have kids ? Hope you are OK with letting them hear disrespectful BS about you from your in-laws. Would be hypocritical if you weren't because the disrespectful ones are the father's people who can so choose (and have every right) to badmouth you to your kids !

  10. #30
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    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: Custody of Autistic Kid

    Quote Quoting jk
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    First, the only apparent issue op has with the sister in law is she denigrates her. I don’t know if it is even in front of the child yet op believes that is adequate to seek a restraining order against her; it isn’t. Then there is the rpm therapist. Op can’t even explain what happened in the trial she describes. You know as well as I do prosecutors don’t take people to trial they don’t believe they have a good chance of winnning against. It wastes precious recourses. Additionally, the rpm gal was a reporter of an event. The prosecutor would have investigated this before even filing charges. Then, they would set up their case, ya know, with evidence and all, all the while the defense attorney would be attempting to have the charges dismissed

    it went to trial. That says a lot about what the prosecutor believes happened.


    I feel sorry for the father. Apparently op sees him as a milquetoast, incapable of standing up for himself and to protect his children.

    Op appears to be more concerned with the two women’s dislike for op than any real issue with the child.


    And op hasn’t shown anything to support issuing a restraining order against the sister in law and very little against the rpm therapist. Op has shown nothing that would cause a judge to allow a restriction against sister in law seeing the child. Maybe she might get a prohibition against the rpm therapist treating the child but I still don’t see anything to support a no contact order as long as she doesn’t attempt to treat if the court says she can’t.
    Well, you are obviously reading a different thread than I am reading since you have stated quite a few fact that don't actual exist in the thread. There is no RPM therapist at all, merely a distant cousin who also has an autistic child who has used RPM to actually cause harm...etc., etc., etc..


    Just leave this woman alone and let her get professionals involved.

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