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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1

    Default Getting Primary Custody Instead of 50/50 Custody

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

    Hi Group,

    I am looking for a second opinion on a child custody case that has 50/50 orders established. We have discussed some of these concerns with the current attorney, but was told "you don't have enough proof... this is as good as it will get... be grateful for 50/50... if you go back to court you could end up losing time...". But with the situations below, I would just like some input on if we should accept this and deal with the frustration best we can, or if there is more we can do.

    My stepson is 5 years old and in the past year since the orders were put in place, he has communicated some concerning situations. I am stepmom, my SO is dad.
    We are worried about neglect while he is with his mom. Some examples: Son tells us that mom sleeps while he is in her custody, that he is left alone with his ipad in the living room. He is left alone in her car while she runs errands. Left alone in the bathtub and the water overflowed and got cold - he was very scared and it took us weeks to be able to shower him comfortably again. He comes over to our house hungry and says he's only eaten cheez its/chips. He is scared to leave his room because he says his mom told him he can't leave the room or he gets in trouble.

    Another concern is parental alienation. He tells us that mom says her house is his home, and his home is not with us. Mom says dad is bad for him, and dad will get mad at him... etc... While on a call recently, dad overheard mom prompting son to tell dad he doesn't want to come over and play. He's changed his attitude towards dad recently, and we are worried what will happen if this behavior continues. Throughout the past year, she has been in contempt on multiple occasions and has kept the child from dad as well.

    Mom applied for SSDI for son because she "shouldn't even have to pay for his tylenol". She lied on the application about his "disability" and care needs. We are worried she just sees him as a paycheck. Also, isn't this fraud?

    There are many more examples but I don't want to make this too long. In a perfect world, we would like son to live with us so we can provide structure and take care of his needs. We are concerned about his health and happiness, but do not want to take mom out of the picture. The times where she doesn't work and is available, she would be welcome to pick him up and spend time and we are open to working out a schedule that works for all - we want to encourage a positive mother/son relationship. But we do not feel that 50/50 time spent with her is beneficial.

    Do you agree with the attorneys comments? Are these things that we just need to deal with and hope everything turns out ok? Is there something we could possibly do?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    1,067

    Default Re: Second Opinion on Child Custody Case. Many Concerns

    Quote Quoting grace1499
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    I am looking for a second opinion on a child custody case that has 50/50 orders established.
    First of all, a reliable second opinion can only come from an attorney who has reviewed all of the relevant documents and spoken with you and who is familiar with the judge handling the case. Second, when you say that "50/50 orders [were] established," I assume that means that the court ordered joint legal and/or physical custody. However, that doesn't tell us anything about the real time split. Anything even remotely approaching a "50/50" time split is rarely practical for children who have reached school age (unless the parents happen to live in the same neighborhood).


    Quote Quoting grace1499
    View Post
    Also, isn't this fraud?
    Maybe, but I'm skeptical that you have any real knowledge of what this woman put on an application that you presumably didn't see. In any event, you can report your concerns to the SSA.


    Quote Quoting grace1499
    View Post
    Do you agree with the attorneys comments?
    Here are the attorney's comments according to you:

    1. "You don't have enough proof." Needless to say, we have no way of knowing what "proof" (i.e., evidence) you do and don't have.
    2. "This is as good as it will get." As noted, you didn't tell us what the real time split is or tell us anything about visitation, etc.
    3. "You could end up losing time." Nothing in your post supports this comment, but your husband's attorney obviously has vastly superior knowledge of the relevant facts as compared to anyone who will read this thread.


    Quote Quoting grace1499
    View Post
    Is there something we could possibly do?
    Legally, there is no "we." Your husband can, if he wants, seek whatever modifications to the existing custody/visitation orders that he wants. If his current attorney recommends against doing so, then he can instruct the attorney to do it anyway. If the attorney is unwilling to take action against his/her recommendation, then your husband will need to seek a new attorney or do it himself without an attorney.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    2,991

    Default Re: Second Opinion on Child Custody Case. Many Concerns

    Children under 18 are not eligible for SSDI for disability. If he was over 18 and has not worked. At least one of his parents would have to be deceased. They also would have to have paid in enough. She applied for SSI for him. The non medical part of SSI for a child. is based on income and resources of the child and parents.

    Has the child been diagnosed with an impairment by a professional ? For example, has he been diagnosed with physical, mental or emotional problems that affect his ability to learn ? Does he see a doctor or therapist regularly for these impairments? Most people have no idea what is required for a child to be approved for SSI. SSA,will require copies of medical records. If the impairment is related to a learning disability. Copies of those records from the professional that diagnosed him and/or treated him will be required. SSI and Medicaid (Medicaid comes with SSI) are welfare programs. SSA,will require copies of bank statement's, the value of certain resources, etc.

    You have no way of knowing if mom actually applied for SSI for the child. She might have said this to upset you and/or dad.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    15,121

    Default Re: Second Opinion on Child Custody Case. Many Concerns

    Listen to the attorney, he is telling you straight. Your husband is not going to get primary custody just because the two of you think that you are better parents than mom. To have the necessary change of circumstance to have a judge even consider a custody change you would have to have something a lot more serious than what you have mentioned so far.

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