I've got it figured out as far as "t"otal "s"tupid:
She has all the indicators of sporadic cognizance where he thinks it's all natural; think breastfed until 8 or 9, a common side effect. What really affects him anymore is that his mom still calls him for some "horizontal hula". Three to five days a week. And therein lies the rub, literally and repeatedly.
"T"ire "S"lasher has very deeply ingrained pattern of behavior, indicative of a life in the basement, surrounded by Twinkie wrappers, Dorito bags, pizza boxes that have been around so long they have their own ecosystem.