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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    17

    Default Child Got Lost While in the Father's Custody

    My question involves a child visitation modification from the State of: New York
    My ex has lost our 10 year old son twice now on two separate occasions. My son is not one to drift off. First he was told to use the restroom alone in a crowded area, he came back out and he couldn't find his dad or his gf and kids. Apparently, they moved tables or my son got confused because it was a large crowded area.

    Second he was at a ski resort and he went down a hill that he thought his dad told him to go down. My son freaked out, lost in a busy ski resort. Luckily, he is smart and went to a cabin to tell a worker. Ski patrol was sent out for a total of 7 people to try and reunite them.

    Now, his dad wants to take him out of state on vacation and I am scared to death he is going to get lost again. If I took this to my lawyer is there anything I could change? Is it worth trying to modify? Perhaps shortening overnight stays? I don't know that the court would go for supervised vistation. But this is the second time.

    He doesn't have any disabilities and I have never had any trouble keeping an eye on him. He's a very good kid and used to going away on trips for school and day camp.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    15,426

    Default Re: Father Losing Child Twice

    I completely and totally sympathize with how you feel, but the reality of things is that there is literally nothing that you could do at this point. Yes, I understand that your son got lost twice, but there was no actual harm that came to him as a result and no judge is going to restrict dad in any way if the child hasn't come to any harm.

    Now, you might want to give the child a cell phone where the child can reach you, and then you can reach dad if something should happen again.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    3,038

    Default Re: Father Losing Child Twice

    Quote Quoting llworking
    View Post
    I completely and totally sympathize with how you feel, but the reality of things is that there is literally nothing that you could do at this point. Yes, I understand that your son got lost twice, but there was no actual harm that came to him as a result and no judge is going to restrict dad in any way if the child hasn't come to any harm.

    Now, you might want to give the child a cell phone where the child can reach you, and then you can reach dad if something should happen again.
    Wouldn't it be best for the child to try and contact dad first ?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    238

    Default Re: Father Losing Child Twice

    Are you saying your son NEVER became separated from you for even a few minutes? While have always been hyper vigilant, a 10yo with no developmental disabilities should be able to properly contact an adult for assistance.

    You may want to help him prepare by taking him to places where he is likely to have a problem and practice. After all, he will be going places with other than you and his father like school and scout trips, with friends. Emphasize stranger danger and being able to say "no" to an adult.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    639

    Default Re: Father Losing Child Twice

    Quote Quoting junesummer
    View Post
    My question involves a child visitation modification from the State of: New York
    My ex has lost our 10 year old son twice now on two separate occasions. My son is not one to drift off. First he was told to use the restroom alone in a crowded area, he came back out and he couldn't find his dad or his gf and kids. Apparently, they moved tables or my son got confused because it was a large crowded area.

    Second he was at a ski resort and he went down a hill that he thought his dad told him to go down. My son freaked out, lost in a busy ski resort. Luckily, he is smart and went to a cabin to tell a worker. Ski patrol was sent out for a total of 7 people to try and reunite them.

    Now, his dad wants to take him out of state on vacation and I am scared to death he is going to get lost again. If I took this to my lawyer is there anything I could change? Is it worth trying to modify? Perhaps shortening overnight stays? I don't know that the court would go for supervised vistation. But this is the second time.

    He doesn't have any disabilities and I have never had any trouble keeping an eye on him. He's a very good kid and used to going away on trips for school and day camp.
    Honestly, it sounds as though your son may not have been paying attention.

    I'm going to guess that you tend to ride close herd on the boy, while Dad operates on a longer/looser rein. Neither of those are right or wrong - they are simply different parenting styles, not reasons to reduce Dad's time. And that is likely how a court will see it, too. I'd suggest a few things. Yes, an inexpensive, basic, cell phone - with your number, Dad's number programmed. Having a serious talk with your son about listening to directions. And yeah, I'd call Dad and tell him you know you're being a nervous nellie, but would he please reinforce the need to pay attention to your son and perhaps come up with a meeting place when out in crowds, in case they get separated?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    833

    Default Re: Father Losing Child Twice

    I agree with the rest. Although scary, this is an opportunity for you and Dad to work together as parents to come up with a solution. Not an opportunity to reduce the child's time with his father, or punish dad for not doing it your way.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    639

    Default Re: Father Losing Child Twice

    Quote Quoting jumanji
    View Post
    Honestly, it sounds as though your son may not have been paying attention.

    I'm going to guess that you tend to ride close herd on the boy, while Dad operates on a longer/looser rein. Neither of those are right or wrong - they are simply different parenting styles, not reasons to reduce Dad's time. And that is likely how a court will see it, too. I'd suggest a few things. Yes, an inexpensive, basic, cell phone - with your number, Dad's number programmed. Having a serious talk with your son about listening to directions. And yeah, I'd call Dad and tell him you know you're being a nervous nellie, but would he please reinforce the need to pay attention to your son (*) and perhaps come up with a meeting place when out in crowds, in case they get separated?
    * for your son to pay attention to what is said, his surroundings, etc.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    1,423

    Default Re: Father Losing Child Twice

    Your question really calls for subjective opinions about whether the two incidents mentioned are a big deal or not. I'd vote not, but the only way to get a reliable opinion about how your court would view this is to consult with a local attorney.

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