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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    3,036

    Default Re: Support or Lack of It for a Parent

    She qualifies for Medi-Cal on non financial only ? Is that what you are saying ? Have you contacted a nursing home or Medi-Cal directly ? If not you need to.

    Have you filed an application with Medi-Cal for Long Term Care Services ? That is where someone comes in for a few hours a week to help with her personal care.

    Have you talked to neighbors, extended family members, church family, etc ? Often someone can come and help for a short time. Talk to her primary care doctor. Also call the hospital she uses and ask to be to a social worker.

  2. #12

    Default Re: Support or Lack of It for a Parent

    here in calif medi-cal is in home or long term she qualifies for long term but her pension diqualifies her for in home support. I am looking into hospice and I think she can get that.
    they have volunteers that come out and visit which is nice and others that will bathe, etc. There are a few days of respite too under the program.

    the only family of all of them that will visit is her brother but he is 88 yo and its a long drive for him. Here friends are all dead. Will check with her old church. Her primary doctor suggests home care people but I have one of those 2 days a week. Will try a local hospital but she hasnt been in one in years. All good ideas thank you

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    3,036

    Default Re: Support or Lack of It for a Parent

    Has she been diagnosed with a terminal illness? Has she been given six months or less to live ? In most, if not all states, these are the patients hospice is for. She must meet medical requirements to go into hospice. Her doctor can tell you if she meets the medical requirements. Her doctor has to be involved in getting her into hospice. Although you can contact them in your own. They will have to contact her doctor for the required medical information.

    If she has Medicare, they will only pay if her doctor has given her six months or less to live.

    Different Medi-Cal programs have different income limits. Do not go by what you read on the internet. Or by what others tell you. You need to contact Medi-Cal directly.

  4. #14

    Default Re: Support or Lack of It for a Parent

    Both her doctors suggested I put her on hospice. I do not consider her terminal she is not mobile and has diabetes but still eats well and somewhat oriented to her surroundings.
    I see nothing in her blood tests suggesting a serious illness either and hasn't been in a hospital since 2006 for a broken bone. but on their advice have contacted a hospice company.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    639

    Default Re: Support or Lack of It for a Parent

    Your situation is not unfamiliar to those who care for a family member. More common than not, actually. I know that doesn't help much, but know you're not alone.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    1,138

    Default Re: Support or Lack of It for a Parent

    Quote: "Both her doctors suggested I put her on hospice. I do not consider her terminal."

    And right there is your problem in a nutshell. You want what you want to be what is. that creates a situation that will be changed only by time. Do not accept whether she would or would not qualify for anything unless you get it directly from the agency responsible for certification. There is no downside to verifying, running things past them.

    If there is anything worse, anything that will damage YOU more than the stress of continuous caregiving, it is the stress of harboring a serious resentment toward a sibling who is not doing their part. And dollars to doughnuts, I'd bet mother intends, if she has any estate to leave, for her children to inherit jointly. Not to mention that many times, in the eyes of the elderly parent, a visit from sister who very rarely comes around is a red letter happiness bringing incident while you, who are her daily caregiver, get the complaints and criticisms. During this time, from one who has been there, do take care of yourself, make sure you are in counseling and getting all the support you can possibly find through the health care system and your mother's medical community.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    7,604

    Default Re: Support or Lack of It for a Parent

    My dad went from not having been in a hospital in 30 years to being in one for a seemingly minor issue to being there for a month, then placed on hospice care for 3 days before dying. The docs are generally pretty good about knowing when someone's body has reached it's limit. Do they get it wrong sometimes? I'm sure. If that's the case, your mom would continue to hang on in hospice. That would take some of the burden of caring for her off you. Financially, the burden would be hers or her estate's when the time comes.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    3,036

    Default Re: Support or Lack of It for a Parent

    If for any reason(s) she goes in a nursing home and receives Medi-Cal. Her estate might be responsible for reimbursing Medi-Cal. It is called Estate Recovery.

  9. #19

    Default Re: Support or Lack of It for a Parent

    Yes I am familiar with that. I really appreciate all the advice here.
    Mom has no estate anymore we had that arranged years ago. The problem with mediCal type nursing homes is they arent really good with memory issues like she has.
    If she qualifies for hospice and truly has a prediction of 6 months to live I will keep her at home. Its a money thing. Full time caregiving at no pay is a hard way to go.

    Hospice has been here for the meet and greet we are just waiting for the doctor to fill out the forms for the eval. Thats already been handled so nobody is second guessing formally I am just expressing my view as someone who is with her daily for 8 years now.

    If there is anything worse, anything that will damage YOU more than the stress of continuous caregiving, it is the stress of harboring a serious resentment toward a sibling who is not doing their part. And dollars to doughnuts, I'd bet mother intends, if she has any estate to leave, for her children to inherit jointly. Not to mention that many times, in the eyes of the elderly parent, a visit from sister who very rarely comes around is a red letter happiness bringing incident while you, who are her daily caregiver, get the complaints and criticisms.
    I understand what you are saying but your narrative doesnt fit this family. Mom no longer has any estate. And the only red letters are the ones coming from mom's mouth when I tell her my sister wants to visit. She doesnt want to see her anymore. You see, sister promised to take care of her if I took care of dad. I did, she changed her mind and took moms life savings with her. This is old history now but mom still remembers. Yes I need counseling. and a vacation.

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    38,646

    Default Re: Support or Lack of It for a Parent

    I hope you find occasional relief from your time helping your mother. While I don’t see much of anything to change your situation, at least you can live knowing you helped your parents when they needed help.

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