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  1. #1
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    Nov 2018
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    Default Can a Parent Stop You From Continuing to Date Their Minor Child

    My question involves restraining orders in the State of: Illinois and Texas

    Ok, so some background.

    My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half this December 1. We've not had very many issues, and her parents seemed to like me when I went to visit for her 16th birthday. I was 19 when we met, turned 20 soon after, and she turned 16 the following December. She's turning 17 this next December (less than a month away), and I am currently 21.

    As this is a long distance relationship, we've not spent much time physically together, but we do talk daily and fall asleep together on the phone. Then today, at work, I receive a text from her mother saying that we are no longer dating, not to contact her daughter anymore, yada yada yada. My problem is that I can't see where this is coming from, as we've never once done anything sexual, I've not sent or requested photos of a sexual nature, we've never even roleplayed in that manner. The closest we've come to the act of sex is discussing the actual act, and the subject is always quickly changed when my girlfriend says shes uncomfortable talking about it.

    I run into two problems here: 1) The mother said she'd take legal action against me if I contacted my girlfriend. What legal action, if any, can she feasibly take against me? And 2) Does my girlfriend's mother have the right to say who her daughter can and cannot date, even after she turns of age? I say this because I know legal age of consent in Illinois is 17, which means my girlfriend would be legally able to consent upon her birthday next month. Doesnt that also mean she could legally move out, or decide she wants to stay with me instead of her parents?

    Basically, at 21, and living in a completely different state, what can I do? What can her mother do against me?

  2. #2
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    Sep 2018
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    Ohio
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    Default Re: My 16 (Soon to Be 17) Y/O Girlfriend's Mother Says We Can't Date After 1 1/2 Year

    The AGE of MAJORITY in Illinois is 18. Until then it may be wise to not contact her, as she is still a Minor, as the Parent's could/may have a legal basis to take action??

  3. #3
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    Oct 2014
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    Default Re: My 16 (Soon to Be 17) Y/O Girlfriend's Mother Says We Can't Date After 1 1/2 Year

    Quote Quoting Sequoyah
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    I run into two problems here: 1) The mother said she'd take legal action against me if I contacted my girlfriend. What legal action, if any, can she feasibly take against me?
    She may seek a no contact order or order of protection that would require you to not have any any contact with your girlfriend.

    Quote Quoting Sequoyah
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    And 2) Does my girlfriend's mother have the right to say who her daughter can and cannot date, even after she turns of age?
    Her mother gets to control what her daughter does and with whom her daughter hangs out or dates while her daughter is a minor. The minute her daughter hits the age of majority (age 18 in both Illinois and Texas) the mother's ability to control her daughter ends and the daughter can see whomever she likes. However, the mother could still do things like kick the girl out of the house, stop providing support, etc., if she does not do what the mother wants.

    Quote Quoting Sequoyah
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    I say this because I know legal age of consent in Illinois is 17, which means my girlfriend would be legally able to consent upon her birthday next month. Doesnt that also mean she could legally move out, or decide she wants to stay with me instead of her parents?
    No. The age of consent means one thing and one thing only to you: once she reaches the age of consent you cannot be criminally prosecuted for statutory rape if you have sex with her. But at age 17 she is still under the control of her mother and where she goes, what she does, who she sees are all things here mother still gets to control until she hits age 18.

    Quote Quoting Sequoyah
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    Basically, at 21, and living in a completely different state, what can I do? What can her mother do against me?
    The bottom line is that her mother has warned you to stay away from her daughter. You had best heed that warning and stay away since continuing to try to see her can result in you ending up with a no contact order or order of protection against you. Violations of a court order can lead to a variety of sanctions against you. Wait a year and when your girlfriend turns 18 you and she can hang out as much as you like, at least if your girlfriend doesn't mind risking things like getting booted from her mother's house.

  4. #4
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    Dec 2013
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    Default Re: My 16 (Soon to Be 17) Y/O Girlfriend's Mother Says We Can't Date After 1 1/2 Year

    Until she is 18, not 17, 18 she is bound by the rules in her parents house. If they say that she is not to date you and that you are not to contact her, then you follow the rules. At 21, you should really be dating someone your own age anyways. Also, age of consent has nothing to do with being able to move out. Also, she will need to continue to follow their rules as long as she lives in their house. So unless she has a solid job and place to live, she will still need to be following the rules past the age of majority, or risk being kicked out.

    Think about it this way. If you really care for this girl, and think its for the "long haul, till death do us part" kind of stuff, don't you want to have the respect of your future in-laws? You will be related to them for the rest of your life if that's really what your goals are with this girl. If it really is that kind of "love" too, it will still be there when she is 18. If you don't think that, then there is no point in continuing anyways. As an adult, you should be making adult decisions and that does not include encouraging a minor to disobey her parents. It also means showing her parents some respect even if you don't like their decisions. Think about it like this too. Imagine you have a 16 year old daughter and she was dating someone that you decided you didn't want her dating anymore. How would you feel if they just flat out ignored you? How much harder do you think you would make your daughter's life in order to get your point across? In a nutshell, children think primarily of themselves and what they want in that minute. Adults have the ability to show respect while disagreeing. Be an adult.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: My 16 (Soon to Be 17) Y/O Girlfriend's Mother Says We Can't Date After 1 1/2 Year

    As long as she is a minor, which means as long as she is under 18, then if her mother says you don't date, then you don't date. Period. End of story. No re-dos, no loopholes.

    The age of consent and the age of majority are two different things. The age of consent is meaningless in this context.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: My 16 (Soon to Be 17) Y/O Girlfriend's Mother Says We Can't Date After 1 1/2 Year

    The legal action she could take against you would be a restraining order.

    And how exactly are you "dating" a kid that lives about 1000 miles away?

  7. #7
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    Default Re: My 16 (Soon to Be 17) Y/O Girlfriend's Mother Says We Can't Date After 1 1/2 Year

    Quote Quoting PayrolGuy
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    The legal action she could take against you would be a restraining order.

    And how exactly are you "dating" a kid that lives about 1000 miles away?
    I wonder the same thing. Why aren't you dating girls where you live ? I hope she is dating others. I'm sure there is more to this story. Mom is protecting her daughter.

  8. #8
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    Dec 2018
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    Default Re: My 16 (Soon to Be 17) Y/O Girlfriend's Mother Says We Can't Date After 1 1/2 Year

    Technically the parents can tell you not to date but can't do anything unless they have a probable reason to get a restraining order. She would not even have to be the age of consent as long as you guys did not do anything sexual. Mom is not protecting her daughter because children do things that they are specifically told not to for the hell of it. A mother should be trying to get her children to do things in a safer manner. You can legally date however, you girlfriends mother can ground her from pretty much everything therefore cutting off all contact between you and her and making her life miserable in general. Maybe this isn't the best solution but, coming from someone in a VERY similar situation, you guys could just try to keep your relationship a secret.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: My 16 (Soon to Be 17) Y/O Girlfriend's Mother Says We Can't Date After 1 1/2 Year

    Oh, you would be surprised at what parents can do. Even without a restraining order.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: My 16 (Soon to Be 17) Y/O Girlfriend's Mother Says We Can't Date After 1 1/2 Year

    Quote Quoting Amber-Rae01
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    Technically the parents can tell you not to date but can't do anything unless they have a probable reason to get a restraining order. She would not even have to be the age of consent as long as you guys did not do anything sexual. Mom is not protecting her daughter because children do things that they are specifically told not to for the hell of it. A mother should be trying to get her children to do things in a safer manner. You can legally date however, you girlfriends mother can ground her from pretty much everything therefore cutting off all contact between you and her and making her life miserable in general. Maybe this isn't the best solution but, coming from someone in a VERY similar situation, you guys could just try to keep your relationship a secret.
    You really should strip the word 'technically' from your vocabulary. The parents CAN tell the OP not to date the girl. There is nothing technical about it.
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