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  1. #1

    Default Divorce from an Abusive Marriage

    My question involves a marriage in the state of NC

    My husband and I just separated about 6 months ago. I left him because of physical and verbal abuse. He has been honest to Dss when they asked us what happened when my son told his teacher that his father choked his mom while he was in back seat of the car, yes my son spoke up. Which I praised him for and my husband screamed at him. So I'm coming out of a four-year abusive marriage but we have been together for 14 years. He just began acting this way two years ago when we had to close our restaurant. It took its toll on him and he doesn't seem to be bouncing back.

    Ok so DSS closed the case because she said it was caused by stressors and he agreed he would go to Dr. ( he's not treating his diabetes) and he agreed to go to therapy. Now, this was in March 2018 and he still has not done either. He also now had been threatening suicide to me via text and FB messenger. I think there is a new law implemented that holds me accountable if I don't report these threats? This is my first question. Also of course now I've been in therapy and I'm not in a fog he seems to act like he's doing better, but when he gets our son and as soon as they are together, depending on his mood he begins to manipulate our son to believe that he has to stay with him bc if he leaves he may hurt himself.

    He told him a few times he'd rather be dead. My son is eleven! Who does that? So our son started school just a few weeks ago, my ex has not been communicating with the school so I went to the nurse and told her the situation. I'm so sad for our son bc now he's going to his fathers when I have given him orders to come home. I also require him to complete his homework and show me his work. Also no tv at bedtime, well He thinks I'm soo mean. So quickly my son has become aggressive, punches walls, withdrawn and angry.

    Of course, I try to get his motivation to be active to do his share of chores and this again angers my son. Ok so my few questions are, my husband is not on the birth certificate but he's screaming at me now telling me I cannot get him in the morning. Don't I have rights to get my son bc he is not legally on the birth certificate? Also, I have been trying to not keep from his father but he thinks I have because he has to stay with me separately. But when I asked him why he doest want to be here with me he says it's because he's worried about his dad. Dad will hurt himself if he isn't there. Is this emotional blackmail?.

    The man I believe has that anger you get when your blood sugar isn't regulated. He hasn't worked in two years, contributes nothing just sits in his mom's house and she is 66 and works her butt off. I just want to understand the outcome of these suicide threats, bc he's done this prob the past 3 years. His brother did commit suicide just 4-5 years. Ago. I know it sounds crazy I haven't reported it a bc, he's said it and I've heard it so many times. He's so angry too, I'd better hide if I intentionally get the cops involved. Any advice, I'm struggling with my own situation living with my parents and working two jobs.

    I have to support my child. He's not on the birth certificate, I am afraid of him following thru with suicide and what's my smartest way to get my son from him without getting physically hurt. My husband scares me. He is mentally gone these days. Now he's refusing to allow me to get my son here. And sadly my son on0 Friday took all his clothes and all to his dads somehow sneaking it by my mother. ( I work 3rd shift so he goes to school before I get home.)Any advice, suggestions, anything would be helpful?. Thank you

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    14,609

    Default Re: Divorce

    Your son desperately needs counseling to help him cope with his father's manipulation. His father's suicide threats need to be reported.
    You are the child's only legal parent because dad has not established paternity and you should pick your child up from school and keep him at your house. You can buy him new clothes. You need to force dad to get help.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    451

    Default Re: Divorce

    My situation was similar. I called the police with any threat of suicide and told the kids to do the same. If he's just doing it to be manipulative, he will get over that really quickly. If he is truly suicidal or in need of medical help, he will get that in the hospital. You husband has no legal rights to this child, so you need to keep him away until a court order is established.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    37,611

    Default Re: Divorce

    W
    Quote Quoting llworking
    View Post
    Your son desperately needs counseling to help him cope with his father's manipulation. His father's suicide threats need to be reported.
    You are the child's only legal parent because dad has not established paternity and you should pick your child up from school and keep him at your house. You can buy him new clothes. You need to force dad to get help.
    where was it stated paternity has not been established? Op said father is not on the birth certificate. That doesn’t mean paternity hasn’t been established. The fact they have married and are divorcing or are divorced (granted the were not married when the child was born) paternity may have been established within the process of the divorce or other family-related court proceedings.

    So, to op;

    has paternity been legally established?
    is there any court mandated custody and or visitation (parenting) schedule?
    is there any court ordered child support?

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