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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    1

    Default Ongoing Psychological Abuse by Parents

    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Illinois
    My mother has always disliked me and has presented me as an over sexually charged child. She allowed me to date an 18 yr old when i was 14. I was a virgin. (1987)4 months later he date raped me and never spoke to me again when i freaked out. While in the ICU after ODing, my mom asked if I had had sex w him. I cried and told her he raped me. I then asked if she would punish him. She said, 'no, honey, we wouldnt want all those people getting on the stand testifying to what a slut you are.' I died inside in a way that made suicide seem like too nice an end for such filth as me. My next boyfriend date raped me when he found out I had 'done it' already. I told myself that my mother must have meant that His friends would say I was a slut. I moved to AZ, but couldnt shake the damaged person my mother told me I was, especially when my marriage was struggling. I confronted her in 2004 and told her what I had said to myself in order to move on in life. She didnt comment, so I changed the subject as my anxiety soared. 2016, I confronted my parents about how they handled my statutory date rape decades earlier. My mother kept insisting i was a slut and needed to be disciplined. My father didnt know i had told my mother i was raped. He refuses to tell my mother, nor me, that I deserved protection and defense rather than shame and blame. She continues to slut shame me to this day. I need them to know they are not my judge and jury. The laws and society agree that I deserved better than how my parents handled the sexual crime against me. I continue to endure PTSD type symptoms at the very thought of my parents even though I have cut them off from myself. My kids need their grandparents, but my mother is poisoning my 5 year old against me. I want to tell them i have a voice. I gave rights, too. I am a human being. Their creation whom they destroyed. I forgive them, but they wont apologize. They feel they did nothing wrong with regards to this. Any advice?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    410

    Default Re: Ongoing Psychological Abuse

    The best advice is to limit your mother's access to your child and to get therapy for yourself. Because there are no legal venues to pursue against your parents.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    1,137

    Default Re: Ongoing Psychological Abuse

    set up a boundary...you know what your parents did to you -- why would you possibly allow them access to your child?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    1,142

    Default Re: Ongoing Psychological Abuse

    Quote: She continues to slut shame me to this day. I need them to know they are not my judge and jury. The laws and society agree that I deserved better than how my parents handled the sexual crime against me.

    My kids need their grandparents, but my mother is poisoning my 5 year old against me.

    I have cut them off from myself.


    Okay, some of this makes no sense. How can your mother be poisoning your 5 year old against you if you have cut yourself off from them? YOU are the parent and you control who your five year old associates with.

    I strongly, strongly suggest you buy a copy of Jaycee Duggard's books, and read about how she survived her ordeal, and what she now says about how she is moving forward in her life, having had excellent counseling and all the help she has had. In particular, she says she is not going to let these people who did these bad things to her and ruined a lot of years of her life "steal another minute of her chances for peace and happiness." You cannot change the circumstances under which you were raised. All of us do not get good parents. I do understand.

    I also know, as you do yourself, that there is no way to legally obtain revenge on your parents or "parent shame" your mother for slut shaming you. "All I want is an apology" is a story you tell yourself. It isn't going to happen. Your mother will not, at some point, either ordered by a judge, or simply because of a burst of insight, suddenly take it all back, agree that you were really good and they handled the situation badly. Parents who treat their children badly may very well be very mentally ill themselves. You cannot fix them. You can only fix YOU.

    I also know that you can and must, for your own mental health, remove yourself far far out of their orbit, get away, leave, run, whatever it takes to move away from these toxic people. And it does NOT sound as though you have done that. Once you have become an adult, you cannot continue to blame their abuse and bad parenting for every single bad thing that happens to you for the rest of your life (like failed marriages, being "the damaged person she told me I was" not moving on with your life, not keeping your own children safe and away from their toxic influences.) Please, for heaven's sake, get into some good counseling from somewhere.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    3,066

    Default Re: Ongoing Psychological Abuse

    Stay away from your parents. Keep your children away from their grandparents.

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