Scheduling Counseling Appointments for a Child Without Consulting the Other Parent

[PMMH]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Ohio

I have full legal and physical custody of my two children. Last summer, my ex lost all visitation with our children due to sexually inappropriate behaviors that were labeled "deviant" but not criminal. In other words, they determined he shouldn't be given visitation, but he wasn't charged with a crime. He was given the option to attend counseling himself and then he could attend counseling with the kids, then he could attempt to regain visitation. Fast forward a year, and he has now decided he's going to do this.

He went to some counseling sessions and discussed his mother and his girlfriend (he sent me all transcripts). He never addressed his sexually inappropriate behaviors. He also made an appointment for him and the kids without discussing it with me, and it falls while our daughter is in summer camp next week. Not only was I given 1 week notice, but it falls on a day when she's not available.

He was made aware of camps and of our vacation schedule for the year. It's non refundable, and it's a camp that she chose because it will help her get into her chosen high school for a specialized digital art and design program. There is no other time this will be offered and there is a waiting list also. I told him twice that she is at camp and he just keeps threatening to have me charged with contempt if I don't take her. I was under the impression that he wasn't even permitted to make appointments for them (per another medical facility he attempted to make appointments at and they refused to allow him without my permission). Am I unreasonable to think that he needs to check our schedule before attempting to make any appointments (if he's even allowed)? I don't feel like these appointments should be allowed to interfere with our scheduled travel, camps, or work schedules. Any input would be appreciated.

[llworking]

Your situation is unusual and falls outside of most norms. Dad has no legal custody at all and currently does not have visitation, and has to jump through some specific hoops to gain some visitation, in some format.

I would guess that under these circumstances dad would not have the ability/right to arbitrarily make specific appointments for the children. I think that you would be safe in stating that the child is not available for that specific appointment, but I believe that you would need to offer other periods of time, in writing, where the child would be available.

I would also guess that since he has provided you transcripts of his sessions, and since he has not specifically addressed the sexually inappropriate issues with the children that you might possibly have some leverage to insist on speaking with the counselor yourself prior to any sessions with the children.

However, you really should discuss these issues with your attorney.

[PMMH]

I feel like our entire divorce is one big "outside of the norm" from start to finish. It's made things ridiculously difficult to navigate and even CSE has had to consult an attorney on how to handle our case. It doesn't help that he is constantly not following the decree and our longest stretch without being in a court room in 3 years has been 7 months.

[llworking]

I feel like our entire divorce is one big "outside of the norm" from start to finish. It's made things ridiculously difficult to navigate and even CSE has had to consult an attorney on how to handle our case. It doesn't help that he is constantly not following the decree and our longest stretch without being in a court room in 3 years has been 7 months.

Again, then make it clear that the child is not available for THAT appointment but offer many other alternatives.

[PMMH]

He won't respond to anything I send. I guess I'll just send it and can say that I made the effort, even if he refuses to choose another date.

[llworking]

He won't respond to anything I send. I guess I'll just send it and can say that I made the effort, even if he refuses to choose another date.

Again, offer many other alternatives. Only block out time when she has something important going on.

[OKisNotOK]

Are you planning for the second child to attend the session?

[PMMH]

Are you planning for the second child to attend the session?

If it happens before his18th birthday, then he has to. After, I am not sure I can force attendance. I predicted a year ago that their father would attempt to get our daughter alone and would let our son age out before trying to get visitation back, and here we are.

The only time I have blocked out is this camp, when we are on vacation, and her medical appointments.

[OKisNotOK]

You consider your vacation to be more important than counselor visits? Wow!

[llworking]

You consider your vacation to be more important than counselor visits? Wow!

Have you paid attention to the reason for the counselor visits? Dad lost all custody/visitation due to sexually inappropriate behavior with the children. Dad's has the opportunity to gain back some form of visitation if he gets counseling for himself, then does counseling with the children and then attempts to regain visitation in court. Dad waits a year then does some counseling where he HAS NOT addressed the issue of the sexually inappropriate behavior, and now wants to arbitrarily make appointments for the children with no consideration for what they may already have scheduled??

Yes, mom and the children's scheduled activities deserve respect.

If it happens before his18th birthday, then he has to. After, I am not sure I can force attendance. I predicted a year ago that their father would attempt to get our daughter alone and would let our son age out before trying to get visitation back, and here we are.

The only time I have blocked out is this camp, when we are on vacation, and her medical appointments.

Once your son turns 18 he is a legal adult and no longer subject to court orders, so no, he won't have to go once he turns 18. How old is your daughter?