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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Posts
    26

    Question Can You Stop Visitation if Your Ex- is Using the Child to Manipulate a Custody Change

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: FLORIDA

    Last June I was awarded custody of my son after a year long court process due to my ex-wife up and leaving out of State and trying to take my son with her without going through the Court. My ex-wife now has visitation every other weekend in which my son goes to her house for the weekend.

    I have found out from my son that his mother has been telling him to not do his work in school and to make bad grades on purpose and that would make me look like a bad parent and then he would go live with his mom fulltime!! My son also stated to me that his mom has threatened him with punishment if he ever told me this.

    Long story short, My son has always been on the A/B honor roll since he at very first started school, However, last year around Thanksgiving time, he grades started to dip and his last 2 report cards were basically all D and F grades. I asked him about it and what was going on and at first he just said its because he didn't understand the work and was having a hard time, but after a gut feeling about how my ex-wife is, I asked him if it had anything to do with her and he became super emotional and crying and finally admitted to me what the real issue was!

    My question is, Where do I know stand? What are my options going forward? Can I stop her from having visitation? How can this be stopped?

    My ex-wife cannot go on telling my son to do bad in school and threatening him if he doesnt do as she says. Something has to give!

    Any and all advice appreciated

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    4,301

    Default Re: Cease Visitation

    You have him 5 out of 7 days. You should have at least as much influence on your son as the mother. Until you do your job you have no business asking the court to do theirs especially based on the word of your son.

    Now that he has spilled the beans, if true, that should be enough to turn him around.

    Also, how old is your son?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    495

    Default Re: Cease Visitation

    Courts aren't really quick to just take away visitation, especially over something that is esentially "hearsay" at this point. His mom possibly saying something stupid doesn't, in my non lawyer opinion, qualify as a situation to say that it's in his best interest to have zero contact with his mother. Is it appropriate if she is doing this? Of course not, but revoking visitation is not a simple thing that the courts take lightly.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    3,212

    Default Re: Cease Visitation

    How old is your son ? It is possible your son made up what he said about his mother. He might have a friend something similar happened to. He might have seen or read about this situation on tv or online.

    Have you gone to your son's school and talked with his teachers and school counselor? If not, you need to immediately. You should have as soon as his first report card came out with the D's & F's.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    835

    Default Re: Cease Visitation

    I agree with the others. It is unlikely that this will be enough to stop visitation. Absent proof I doubt it would even get a slap on the wrist.. You have your child 12 our of 14 days. You have way more influence here then she does, so you can correct the behavior

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    273

    Default Re: Cease Visitation

    Since you say the custody court proceedings was contentious, all are stressed. Make sure you son has had a physical recently. This is the time to talk to the pediatrician about this concern. He/she may recommend a counselor or a screening for additional academic testing. You also should consider talking to a counselor, rather than your lawyer, about strategies to help your child.

    The saddest thing I ever heard to be said by a child whose parents are always feuding is "I just wish my parents would quit fighting". Needless to say, his behavior and academic performance are problematic. I hope this is never said by your child.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    671

    Default Re: Cease Visitation

    Given the majority of parenting time you enjoy, you are not doing your job. You've allowed this for two report card cycles? Why? How? Does your son's school not send out mid-marking period progress reports? Does the school district not have a parent portal, where you can track his progress? Do you not have contact with your son's teacher(s)? While Mom's behavior is not appropriate, you're pointing fingers the wrong way. Sorry. And yes - that is (as it should be) a reason to change custody. Because the custodial parent is not acting in the child's best interests. Your solution is not limiting Mom's time. Your solution is stepping up your game.

    A lot of kids have similar incidents in MS. When my oldest brought a progress report showing a failing grade in ONE class in 7th grade, I did several things - had an appt w/child, teacher, guidance counselor w/in two days (where an action plan was devised/agreed upon), made sure I checked the parent portal on a minimum weekly basis, checked my child's schoolwork (home & class) on a daily basis - and heaven forbid that work was either not done, not done correctly or not done neatly. We never had a repeat. LOL Added benefit? Younger saw how it played out, and was not willing for the same to be inflicted.

    And before you tell us that you work FT, it's hard, etc. (can you tell this is not a unique situation)? Most of us do and know it's not easy. No one said parenting was. And really? You should be talking to your son about how this is not about you or Mom. It is about him and his future. While it seems far away, the choices he makes about his schoolwork today? Will affect his options tomorrow. Next school year. His options in HS. His options for college. That he doesn't HAVE to necessarily go to college, but he should work to his best abilities so as to provide himself with the greatest number of options.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    3,212

    Default Re: Cease Visitation

    Quote Quoting OKisNotOK
    View Post
    Since you say the custody court proceedings was contentious, all are stressed. Make sure you son has had a physical recently. This is the time to talk to the pediatrician about this concern. He/she may recommend a counselor or a screening for additional academic testing. You also should consider talking to a counselor, rather than your lawyer, about strategies to help your child.

    The saddest thing I ever heard to be said by a child whose parents are always feuding is "I just wish my parents would quit fighting". Needless to say, his behavior and academic performance are problematic. I hope this is never said by your child.
    Children pickup on so many things. Parents often believe children do not hear or know what they say. But, this is not true. Children also pickup on animosity between parents. Even when parents are trying to hide it

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    172

    Default Re: Can You Stop Visitation if Your Ex- is Using the Child to Manipulate a Custody Ch

    Quote Quoting Breezy70
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: FLORIDA

    Last June I was awarded custody of my son after a year long court process due to my ex-wife up and leaving out of State and trying to take my son with her without going through the Court. My ex-wife now has visitation every other weekend in which my son goes to her house for the weekend.

    I have found out from my son that his mother has been telling him to not do his work in school and to make bad grades on purpose and that would make me look like a bad parent and then he would go live with his mom fulltime!! My son also stated to me that his mom has threatened him with punishment if he ever told me this.

    Long story short, My son has always been on the A/B honor roll since he at very first started school, However, last year around Thanksgiving time, he grades started to dip and his last 2 report cards were basically all D and F grades. I asked him about it and what was going on and at first he just said its because he didn't understand the work and was having a hard time, but after a gut feeling about how my ex-wife is, I asked him if it had anything to do with her and he became super emotional and crying and finally admitted to me what the real issue was!

    My question is, Where do I know stand? What are my options going forward? Can I stop her from having visitation? How can this be stopped?

    My ex-wife cannot go on telling my son to do bad in school and threatening him if he doesnt do as she says. Something has to give!

    Any and all advice appreciated
    Your son has the responsibility for his own grades no matter what. If he isn't doing well in school, then you, as the parent, should be taking away the fun stuff until his grades improve. It is possible that mom coached him to do poorly, but that shouldn't matter. More likely, your son knows that if he tells you this, it would spin you up and put the spotlight on mom instead of him. True, or not.

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