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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
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    12

    Default When Does Presence Near a Protected Person Violate a Protective Order

    My question involves restraining orders in the State of: California

    Not sure what it takes to prove violation of an RO - or if this type of violation will be taken seriously.

    Got an RO in July against an acquaintance who was infatuated with me. He started getting very clingy and stalkerish. Always turning up at a public place I frequent - pretending it was a coincidence. Repeatedly told him I was uncomfortable. Found out he was married with two kids. Had also lied about some other big things. He comes across as very socially awkward. After I told him in no uncertain terms to back off and cut off contact he would just be there on the street near my house (nowhere near his house or work) at the time he knew I was going to and from work. I'd see him in his car on my way out of work and around my car every time I was at the place mentioned above. It was FAR too coincidental. Then I found a tracker on my car. I also suspect he was in my house. Can't prove it was him but he is the only one who kept showing up. Have tons of emails of email where he admits his behavior was pestering and sneaky. In the end, he stipulated to the order.

    I still see him at a particular place. I began noticing that if I'd see him in one area, he is always right on the street as I am leaving (30 - 45 minutes later). The timing to enable him to HAPPEN to be there is not possible without a huge effort on his part. In other words, it is not a coincidence. In a correspondence pre RO when I was telling him to back off, he said "I am afraid if you don't see me, you are going to forget about me". He is deliberately making sure I "see" him.

    So technically he is not violating the RO but I find this creepy and unnerving. After 4 months of this I have started tracking when this happens (currently it is happening almost every time I am at this place - 3x a week).

    At what point should I report this? To whom (victims advocate with the DA's office)?
    How long is reasonable to let this go on?
    Should I be doing anything else?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    7,373

    Default Re: When Does Presence Near a Protected Person Violate a Protective Order

    What are the exact terms of the order? If he's not "technically" violating then that means he's likely not violating it period. If he isn't violating it, there is nothing to report to anyone. You could try reporting it to the police to see if they will have a chat with him to back off. Limited resources may prevent them from doing so. The problem is he apparently understands the limitations of the order and will just tell them to go away as he hasn't done anything wrong. He knows what he can/can't do and will work around it.

    You can seek to have the order modified. I would say start carrying mace; a taser, expandable baton, knife or gun but you are in California so your options are extremely limited. You could also put up a camera in your home in case he's making other visits. Use your cellphone to take pictures/video of him when he is coincidentally in the same place every time you are, that may help if you try to modify the order.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    15,925

    Default Re: When Does Presence Near a Protected Person Violate a Protective Order

    Quote Quoting Cranford
    View Post

    At what point should I report this?
    NOW!

    There is no question that he is violating CA's stalking statutes:

    http://www.stalkingalert.com/stalkinglaws.htm

    Quote Quoting Cranford
    View Post

    To whom (victims advocate with the DA's office)?
    Sure. And with the police. Go to the nearest police station personally with a copy of your RO and a written list of dates, times, places, and acts and express your fears as they are outlined in the statute. Once you get a case number, go back personally each time with a written report of his most recent activity.

    Quote Quoting Cranford
    View Post

    How long is reasonable to let this go on?
    Not another minute.

    Quote Quoting Cranford
    View Post

    Should I be doing anything else?
    What has already been suggested plus anything else you need to do to protect yourself.

    This is the kind of lunatic that kills women. You've already wasted too much time. You should have been reporting this at least as soon as you got the RO, even earlier.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    12

    Default Re: When Does Presence Near a Protected Person Violate a Protective Order

    My concern is that it is a public place so there is no prohibition against him being there. Just like I do, he has reason to be at that public place. He doesn't engage with me in any way. The first encounter is always passing. There just is no way to account for the second encounter because of the random timing in between. My word against his - I just want to make sure I have good compelling data so I am not brushed off...and to prove to myself that my observations are correct and that I am not making too much of this.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    15,925

    Default Re: When Does Presence Near a Protected Person Violate a Protective Order

    You already got the RO. A judge agreed you had good reason to get it.

    Now you want to doubt yourself until this guy escalates and it's too late?

    Well, that's up to you.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    1,058

    Default Re: When Does Presence Near a Protected Person Violate a Protective Order

    Recommend "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. A lot of women who wish-wash like this, "Well, he's really got a reason to be there too...." and "Well, maybe I'm just making too much of this......" end up in a lot of trouble. Your gut is telling you this is stalking, this is something wrong, he's still showing up at places where you are, at least go down trying to tell people he is doing it, not stifling your own responses and trying to talk yourself out of being upset by it. Quote: '“The best antidote to worry is action. If there is an action that will lessen the likelihood of a dreaded outcome occurring, and if that action doesn't cost too much in terms of effort or freedom, then take it."

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    12

    Default Re: When Does Presence Near a Protected Person Violate a Protective Order

    *Update* According to the detective there is nothing I can do. The RO was written that the guy has to stay 100 yards from my house, car and work. He is no longer coming around my house or work and when he is near my car both he and my car are in motion. The time of the 1st encounter doesn't count because we are in a public place and he isn't looking at me, talking to me, or engaging in any other way. The time of the second encounter, as I mentioned, we are both moving and he is not engaging.

    My written documentation is not enough on its own. I need photographic proof or a witness.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    12

    Default [Update] when Does Presence Near a Protected Person Violate a Protective Order

    My question involves restraining orders in the State of: California

    Backstory: Got an RO in July against an acquaintance who was infatuated with me. He started getting very clingy and stalkerish. Always turning up at a public place I frequent - pretending it was a coincidence. Repeatedly told him I was uncomfortable. Found out he was married with two kids. Had also lied about some other big things. He comes across as very socially awkward. After I told him in no uncertain terms to back off and cut off contact he would just be there on the street near my house (nowhere near his house or work) at the time he knew I was going to and from work. I'd see him in his car on my way out of work and around my car every time I was at the place mentioned above. It was FAR too coincidental. Then I found a tracker on my car. I also suspect he was in my house. Can't prove it was him but he is the only one who kept showing up. Have tons of emails of email where he admits his behavior was pestering and sneaky. In the end, he stipulated to the order. He kept following me at a lake where I run. I documented it in a spreadsheet (time I arrived, time and location I saw him) and each time I was there he engineered to pass me 3 - 4 times. He was finally arrested for felony stalking and contempt of court. He spent 13 hours in jail then bailed out. In the end the DA declined to prosecute.

    Three months later I get a call from the detective. When the stalker was arrested they took DNA. Unbelievably, they tested the tracker! I was shocked that they would go to the effort (time / cost) to do this. Not so shocking was what turned up - the stalker's DNA. The detective asked if I wanted to pursue it and I said yes. If not for me so that others would be taken seriously in the future.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    1,848

    Default Re: [Update] when Does Presence Near a Protected Person Violate a Protective Order

    I'm really trying to find a question in there.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    7,373

    Default Re: [Update] when Does Presence Near a Protected Person Violate a Protective Order

    I think it was more of an update? Glad to hear OP is getting some kind of action on this.

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