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  1. #1
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    Dec 2017
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    Default Child Abuse Carrying On into Adulthood

    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Minnesota

    So, I got a friend of mine, we have been friends for about 3 years now, but we live states away. He is in Minnesota and I'm in Illinois. He truly has a terrible family, they just treat him like garbage. He has endured tragedies that no child should have lived through including his father abandoning him, his mother dying, moving many times between houses, losing all of his stuff each time, and on top of all this, his mother's side of the family absolutely hate his guts even though none of this was his fault to begin with.

    His family absolutely has not a single care that his feelings are hurt and just expect him to do things without any sort of chance to heal by being yelled at and abused for no reason that equates to him having any fault in the matter. He is 19 years old, so he has technically become an adult, but his mind has been so punished and beaten to the ground, that he is not prepared for the world. They expect him to have a job, but he is so broken that he just can't, he doesn't have the will to do it because he knows nobody cares for him.

    I have tried my best to give him comfort that he needs. I've bought him many gifts and loaned money, but even with all my efforts, he's still just staying afloat. I want to get him out of that dreadful place before he possibly becomes homeless and everyday is a potential risk of that happening. The only barrier keeping him safe at the moment is his grandma, but she is in a hospital bed with cancer in her throat. She doesn't have much in her and if she dies, he is screwed.

    I am currently 22 years old (about to be 23 on December 18th). I will potentially be able to move out soon, I completed college and acquired a job as a computer technician for $17 per hour. I'm just saving up to pay for moving out, then I plan to get him into my new apartment with me. So I got 2 questions I am ultimately looking for:

    1) Is there some kind of abuse laws against relatives doing crap like this?

    2) If there is help that he can get, can it be something in a way that doesn't make him loose all his possessions? I'm scared to tell anyone, because as much as I want him to get out of there, I don't want him to loose all of the things I gave him that make him happy too.

    I'll take any help that I can find. If something happens, then he is finished. I'm the best thing that has happened to me and he will sooner end his life than live in a hell where he can't reach me. I deeply care for him too and I want him to be with me too, which is why I'm trying so hard. Please, there's gotta be something I can do.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    Behind a Desk
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    98,846

    Default Re: Child Abuse Carrying On into Adulthood

    Are there laws against having your parents split up, against having your mother pass away, about moving between homes, requiring a parent to care about you, or expecting a 19-year-old to hold a job? No, there are not. As for "abandonment", it would depend on exactly what you mean when you use that word.

    If he is for some reason worried about losing his possessions, perhaps he can ask you to safeguard them for him. If he's choosing to live at home, he can make a different choice and move out -- got space on your couch?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    2,289

    Default Re: Child Abuse Carrying On into Adulthood

    Quote Quoting TFarrell
    View Post
    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Minnesota

    So, I got a friend of mine, we have been friends for about 3 years now, but we live states away. He is in Minnesota and I'm in Illinois. He truly has a terrible family, they just treat him like garbage. He has endured tragedies that no child should have lived through including his father abandoning him, his mother dying, moving many times between houses, losing all of his stuff each time, and on top of all this, his mother's side of the family absolutely hate his guts even though none of this was his fault to begin with.

    His family absolutely has not a single care that his feelings are hurt and just expect him to do things without any sort of chance to heal by being yelled at and abused for no reason that equates to him having any fault in the matter. He is 19 years old, so he has technically become an adult, but his mind has been so punished and beaten to the ground, that he is not prepared for the world. They expect him to have a job, but he is so broken that he just can't, he doesn't have the will to do it because he knows nobody cares for him.

    I have tried my best to give him comfort that he needs. I've bought him many gifts and loaned money, but even with all my efforts, he's still just staying afloat. I want to get him out of that dreadful place before he possibly becomes homeless and everyday is a potential risk of that happening. The only barrier keeping him safe at the moment is his grandma, but she is in a hospital bed with cancer in her throat. She doesn't have much in her and if she dies, he is screwed.

    I am currently 22 years old (about to be 23 on December 18th). I will potentially be able to move out soon, I completed college and acquired a job as a computer technician for $17 per hour. I'm just saving up to pay for moving out, then I plan to get him into my new apartment with me. So I got 2 questions I am ultimately looking for:

    1) Is there some kind of abuse laws against relatives doing crap like this?

    2) If there is help that he can get, can it be something in a way that doesn't make him loose all his possessions? I'm scared to tell anyone, because as much as I want him to get out of there, I don't want him to loose all of the things I gave him that make him happy too.

    I'll take any help that I can find. If something happens, then he is finished. I'm the best thing that has happened to me and he will sooner end his life than live in a hell where he can't reach me. I deeply care for him too and I want him to be with me too, which is why I'm trying so hard. Please, there's gotta be something I can do.
    He needs to get into some therapy. No there is no abuse laws that would help him. Parents get divorced, die, or abandon kids all the time. Some kids end up with shitty relatives.

    Why would he lose all his possessions? He doesn't have to live in the home he is in. He's an adult. Look up resources in his area and help him that way.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Child Abuse Carrying On into Adulthood

    How long have you known this man ... have you met him in person? I'm seeing a couple of red flags.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    2,289

    Default Re: Child Abuse Carrying On into Adulthood

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    How long have you known this man ... have you met him in person? I'm seeing a couple of red flags.
    Good point...so far in his OP it states that they live in different states. I see where you're going with red flags.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    California
    Posts
    459

    Default Re: Child Abuse Carrying On into Adulthood

    I see more than a few red flags. How did you meet this person and how are you communicating? Facebook? How does he explain his having computer access if he's so deprived? You've never met his family and you don't even know for sure he's telling anything that's truthful. How did you send money to him and how much? Of course he's 'just staying afloat' because he's found a mark--you. He's always upping the ante. He's been so abused and oh, now his grandma has cancer. Of course you're the best thing that happened to him--you believe everything he says and you give him stuff.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    8,006

    Default Re: Child Abuse Carrying On into Adulthood

    Agree with previous posters, this screams scam.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    3,212

    Default Re: Child Abuse Carrying On into Adulthood

    Quote Quoting free9man
    View Post
    Agree with previous posters, this screams scam.
    I don't believe it either. Sounds like the man the OP is talking about wants sympathy. And possibly money.

    But, if it is true. The man needs to get a job. And get into therapy. Life is not fair. Many children have had far worse things happen to them. But, when they turn 18 they have jobs and their own life

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    172

    Default Re: Child Abuse Carrying On into Adulthood

    Quote Quoting TFarrell
    View Post

    I have tried my best to give him comfort that he needs. I've bought him many gifts and loaned money, but even with all my efforts, he's still just staying afloat. I want to get him out of that dreadful place before he possibly becomes homeless and everyday is a potential risk of that happening. The only barrier keeping him safe at the moment is his grandma, but she is in a hospital bed with cancer in her throat. She doesn't have much in her and if she dies, he is screwed.

    I am currently 22 years old (about to be 23 on December 18th). I will potentially be able to move out soon, I completed college and acquired a job as a computer technician for $17 per hour. I'm just saving up to pay for moving out, then I plan to get him into my new apartment with me. So I got 2 questions I am ultimately looking for:

    1) Is there some kind of abuse laws against relatives doing crap like this?

    2) If there is help that he can get, can it be something in a way that doesn't make him loose all his possessions? I'm scared to tell anyone, because as much as I want him to get out of there, I don't want him to loose all of the things I gave him that make him happy too.

    I'll take any help that I can find. If something happens, then he is finished. I'm the best thing that has happened to me and he will sooner end his life than live in a hell where he can't reach me. I deeply care for him too and I want him to be with me too, which is why I'm trying so hard. Please, there's gotta be something I can do.
    Let me guess... you met him on the internet. Maybe a chat forum?

    My kids have been on and off chat forums for years, and this sounds identical to multiple friends my kids have made online.

    Assuming the story you are getting from him is legitimate, you need to stop sending this person gifts and money. The ONLY thing that will help him is for him to get some therapy and stop believing he is a victim. You can't change him or make him better with your current attempts. In fact, you are probably making it worse by enabling his current lifestyle.

    Legally anything you gave him is his. No one can legally take those away.

    What he had to do is really hard for someone like him. But HE has to do it. On his own. And it will suck. He will hate life for a while. But that is part of growing up - wading through the suck in order to get to a better life.

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