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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
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    17

    Default Custody Following Newly Established Paternity

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Florida.

    Good Morning, everyone.

    I’m going to post my story, but I want to make clear that I understand that child support and custody are two separate issues.

    My son turns 3 tomorrow. In March of 2017, I filed for child support.

    My sons father had never met him. Our contact throughout his life up to the time that I filed had been minimal. He had dodged me, and refused to provide any time of contact information. We had roughly 2 conversations since my pregnancy.

    Paternity has been established, and we are set to go to court in two weeks.

    After paternity had been established, Dad met our son for the first time. We spent about 1 hour at the park.

    Since then, I have offered two separate dates to meet with him so him and our son can spend time together. He ignored me.

    Yesterday, I reached out to him to ask him if he would like to see his son on his birthday. This resulted in an argument, as I refused to let him take my son for the day without me.

    I am (obviously) being represented by the State for child support, but I have an attorney on standby for custody.

    Dad says he will get 50/50, and that I need to “get used to it”. I have never told him that he couldn’t see our son, but per the advice of the attorneys that I’ve spoken to, they’ve told me that it’s important not to set a precedent and allow him to take our son without me present. If he wants more, he needs to file.

    My question is this: if he takes me to court for a 50/50 arrangement (overnights) to clearly lower his obligation in child support...is that likely?

    Ideally, a temporary supervised visitation plan is what I want. I want them to actually get to know each other, and allow my son to recognize the difference between this man and a stranger at the grocery store. Is he blowing smoke? I’m sure he’s angry because I’m requesting retro, but this obviously scares me.

    He has bragged about not being on his company’s payroll, and said that he “doesn’t care” about the legal issues that arise; he is not going to pay me more than he believes I deserve. He has not contributed one cent to our son, and feels justified in doing so.

    Thank you for the advice.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Custody Following Newly Established Paternity

    Florida has been moving forward with the idea that a 50/50 timeshare is best for the child unless it can actually be proven that it's not, even if a step-up plan has to be included at first and even if the child is very young.

    (Google "men's divorce forums" or something ... start reading Florida threads)

    You need to be prepared for Dad getting what he wants unless he does something colossally stupid between now and then.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
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    17

    Default Re: Custody Following Newly Established Paternity

    All I want is a step up plan established in the beginning. I have been trying to encourage a relationship between the two of them, and he ignores me.

    He is refusing to see our son unless he takes him on his own.

    So, basically everything I have done for our son for the past 3 years is going down the tube because dad decided he wants in upon me filing for support. We can abandon our children for 3 years at a time and come get 50/50 whenever we want?

    That’s painful.

    Does this 50/50 include every aspect of custody? Decision making, etc, etc?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Custody Following Newly Established Paternity

    Joint legal (decision making) is the norm in every state. A real 50/50 timeshare is not typically the norm in most states ... but in Florida, if a father does want 50/50, there typically needs to be a solid reason why he shouldn't. It's not yet the default position by statute, but I'd expect it to become so in the next few years and in practice it's what both parents need to expect when they go to court.

    Why did you say that "everything I have done ... is going down the tube"?

    One more thing. No matter what the court orders, if he disappears for another extended period of time you can absolutely go back to court and request the order be modified to reflect the status quo.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
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    17

    Default Re: Custody Following Newly Established Paternity

    He won’t disappear again. This all boils down to money, and he wants to keep his child support obligation minimalized.

    I want supervised visitation in the beginning, but it sounds like I should just lay down and let him take our son (that he has spent one whole hour with in three years) half the time and spend my money on an attorney elsewhere.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    16,474

    Default Re: Custody Following Newly Established Paternity

    Quote Quoting MommyRN5
    View Post
    He won’t disappear again. This all boils down to money, and he wants to keep his child support obligation minimalized.

    I want supervised visitation in the beginning, but it sounds like I should just lay down and let him take our son (that he has spent one whole hour with in three years) half the time and spend my money on an attorney elsewhere.
    Don't do that. Do not make that kind of decision because of what one person on an internet forum has to say. Consult a local attorney. In my opinion, the fact that he has shown absolutely no interest in the child at all until you filed for child support is one reason why a judge is unlikely to actually give him 50/50. Its quite possible that the judge will believe he only wants 50/50 to reduce child support, and a judge will NOT like that.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    17

    Default Re: Custody Following Newly Established Paternity

    I don’t see how a judge couldn’t see it that way. There has been no contact. He didn’t even know our son was a BOY until he was 18 months old during a conversation initiated by me.

    I had to hunt down his contact information to file for support in the first place. He avoided me at all costs.

    He has told me that he’s not going to pay me more than what HE deems appropriate, and he doesn’t care what legal ramifications occur for non payment. He wants in because he doesn’t want to pay.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Custody Following Newly Established Paternity

    Quote Quoting MommyRN5
    View Post
    I don’t see how a judge couldn’t see it that way. There has been no contact. He didn’t even know our son was a BOY until he was 18 months old during a conversation initiated by me.

    I had to hunt down his contact information to file for support in the first place. He avoided me at all costs.

    He has told me that he’s not going to pay me more than what HE deems appropriate, and he doesn’t care what legal ramifications occur for non payment. He wants in because he doesn’t want to pay.
    What exactly are your goals here?

    Quote Quoting llworking
    View Post
    Don't do that. Do not make that kind of decision because of what one person on an internet forum has to say. Consult a local attorney. In my opinion, the fact that he has shown absolutely no interest in the child at all until you filed for child support is one reason why a judge is unlikely to actually give him 50/50. Its quite possible that the judge will believe he only wants 50/50 to reduce child support, and a judge will NOT like that.
    ROFL. I suggest you actually take the time to research the current state of father's rights and custody in Florida.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    17

    Default Re: Custody Following Newly Established Paternity

    Dogmatique,
    My goals in this situation are to have a step up plan, and give my son an opportunity to actually know his face, and who he is.

    I want them to have a relationship, and I know that splitting custody is the end result. My main focus at this point is the initial period of time after he files for custody. I want an adjustment period for the sake of my son. I don’t want him to have the same amount of time at his house and mine when he doesn’t even know this man. I want there to be supervised visits, working our way into a 50/50 custody arrangement.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    3,212

    Default Re: Custody Following Newly Established Paternity

    Quote Quoting MommyRN5
    View Post
    I don’t see how a judge couldn’t see it that way. There has been no contact. He didn’t even know our son was a BOY until he was 18 months old during a conversation initiated by me.

    I had to hunt down his contact information to file for support in the first place. He avoided me at all costs.

    He has told me that he’s not going to pay me more than what HE deems appropriate, and he doesn’t care what legal ramifications occur for non payment. He wants in because he doesn’t want to pay.
    If he doesn't pay the amount of child support the court orders You need to take him back to court on contempt. They can garnish his pay checks and keep his tax refunds if he refuses to pay.

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