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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
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    20

    Default Father Won't Make Teenager Follow the Parenting Time Order

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Wisconsin

    Will try to make this not so long.

    Agreement is one week on one week off. Kids are 17 and 16. Found weed, baggies, scale, pipe in sons room. Threw it all out. Son went ballistic, broke bedroom door, asked me to pay him for his goods, cussed me out. I called father and we agreed he would go there to cool down for time being. I have two other children in household 13 and 8.

    That week ended 16 year old went back to dad. Following weel when kids were to come only 16 year old did. Father said he was going to talk to 17 year old and make him come over. Few weeks later next time kids to come over neither came. 16 year old said she missed her sibling and if they werent going to come they didnt have to. Father said he would talk to them. Few weeks go past kids wont talk to me answer phone texts etc. Father claims he is still trying. I feel bad and buy grocery cards to help pay for them being there extra time.

    Next thing i know father says it isnt fair he has them all the time i should apologize for taking illegal drugs and throwing it out and i should be paying child support. I told him he was in contempt and he has not dropped them off as ordered. He said he can't force them to come. He said he is taking me to court and getting every last dime he can from me. I told him this was his plan all along and he never intended on kids coming back. I filed contempt he filed for full custody, tax exemption, and child support.

    He lives with known heroin addict now. Has stolen from him and kids to support her addiction. He works 3rd shift kids are by themselves or with addict. 17 year old had .09 gpa this past year and wont graduate high school. Kids dont call me unless they want something, money, tix to an event, etc. My gma died they never came to funeral, called their grandma to pay condolences. My father has been in and out of hospital and they have not visited or called about him. Its gotten really really sad and hurtful.

    I just was told that the 17 year old smokes weed with his father. I have no clue how i can prove any of this. The father bad mouths me on social media while friends with our kids so they see what he says. The father does not care about our kids. Who he lives with and the lack of discipline and supervision proves this. He let our 17 year have a girlfriend and get a job and has no consequences for the illegal drugs or failing school.

    I dont have money for a lawyer but neither does he. We go next week. I am appearing by phone because I just had surgery and am off of work for 8 weeks. What do I do? I know a generic question but I am at my wits end. I am so stressed with all of this.

    Thank you in advance.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    671

    Default Re: Father Won't Make Teenager Follow the Parenting Time Order

    So, since 2014, you have had two kids age out (turn 18) and increased your time share with the other four? Or are the 13/8 yos from a second marriage? Just trying to see the whole picture...

    p/x: https://www.expertlaw.com/forums/sho...ht=#post782197

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    35,894

    Default Re: Father Won't Make Teenager Follow the Parenting Time Order

    Your son is already 17. I strongly doubt that forcing him to visit you is going to improve your relationship with him, even though it's your right to do so. (The court may actually give your son the choice - prepare for that).

    You tell us that Dad doesn't care about his children, but you need to see the bigger picture. You're telling us that Dad lives with a heroin addict, works 3rd shift, the 17 year old won't graduate from high school ... yet you haven't done anything to rectify this before now. Why?

  4. #4
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    Oct 2006
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    16,474

    Default Re: Father Won't Make Teenager Follow the Parenting Time Order

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    Your son is already 17. I strongly doubt that forcing him to visit you is going to improve your relationship with him, even though it's your right to do so. (The court may actually give your son the choice - prepare for that).

    You tell us that Dad doesn't care about his children, but you need to see the bigger picture. You're telling us that Dad lives with a heroin addict, works 3rd shift, the 17 year old won't graduate from high school ... yet you haven't done anything to rectify this before now. Why?
    It doesn't sound to me like its been very long. The OP did not say specifically but it sounds like its only been a couple of months at the most, and much less than that since she realized that dad is not an ally in the matter.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
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    20

    Default Re: Father Won't Make Teenager Follow the Parenting Time Order

    My two eldest are 21 and 20 and do not live at home anymore. The 17 and 16 year old and 13 amd 8 have always been one week on one week off, separate fathers.

    Father was with girlfriend previously I told him if he did not kick her out and keep her away from kids I would take him to court. I have emails backing this up. She moved out. Since the two children decided to not come over anymore she has now moved back in and the father has started working 3rd shift. I brought my concerns up to him about all of this and he said they are old enough to be at home without him and never acknowledges the topic of his girlfriend. As far as our son not graduating I suggested he go to a sort of boot camp where he would learn respect, discipline, and take his Hsed or ged and graduate early. Our son has to agree. He said no and tje father said thats no way for him to spend his summer in a boot camp. Father cares more.about our son having a life than his future in my eyes. We have talked to principal counselors and nothing changes with son. Everything I suggest is shot down by father and son wont agree because it doesnt appeal to him.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
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    35,894

    Default Re: Father Won't Make Teenager Follow the Parenting Time Order

    Quote Quoting socialyankee
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    My two eldest are 21 and 20 and do not live at home anymore. The 17 and 16 year old and 13 amd 8 have always been one week on one week off, separate fathers.

    Father was with girlfriend previously I told him if he did not kick her out and keep her away from kids I would take him to court. I have emails backing this up. She moved out. Since the two children decided to not come over anymore she has now moved back in and the father has started working 3rd shift. I brought my concerns up to him about all of this and he said they are old enough to be at home without him and never acknowledges the topic of his girlfriend. As far as our son not graduating I suggested he go to a sort of boot camp where he would learn respect, discipline, and take his Hsed or ged and graduate early. Our son has to agree. He said no and tje father said thats no way for him to spend his summer in a boot camp. Father cares more.about our son having a life than his future in my eyes. We have talked to principal counselors and nothing changes with son. Everything I suggest is shot down by father and son wont agree because it doesnt appeal to him.
    I believe you are fighting a losing battle, perhaps in part because your son sees you as rigid and inflexible.

    I think your best option is to focus not on court but on the relationship you have with your children. They're at an age where they will "vote with their feet" - in other words, your relationship now will likely dictate your relationship with them in the future.

    Quote Quoting llworking
    View Post
    It doesn't sound to me like its been very long. The OP did not say specifically but it sounds like its only been a couple of months at the most, and much less than that since she realized that dad is not an ally in the matter.
    Doesn't look like it, does it?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
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    20

    Default Re: Father Won't Make Teenager Follow the Parenting Time Order

    Rigid and unflexible how? By not letting him deal drugs in my house? Or not smoking weed with him? Or not holding him accountable for his actions towards me, his siblings, and his education? Im sorry if me not apologizing to him for throwing out his weed, him busting my door down, cussing me out, and wanting him to actually graduate high school makes me rigid. I continue to conact them despite them not doing the same unless they want something. I guess I will just see what happens in court. I have less than 2 years.

    Thanks all for the help. Really opened my eyes and made me realize my mother and family have been right all along.

    And yes a few months. Since February since the girlfriend had moved out previosuly. Kids told me all the horrible things they found, needles, rubber bands, heroine, begged me not to tell dad cuz he would be super pisses. Christ they told my mother all about the drugs. I called social services and they didn't do a damned thing. No one effin cares so I wont care. Kids can live their great unsupervised, undisciplined lives and be happy. Ah well.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
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    2,289

    Default Re: Father Won't Make Teenager Follow the Parenting Time Order

    Quote Quoting socialyankee
    View Post
    Rigid and unflexible how? By not letting him deal drugs in my house? Or not smoking weed with him? Or not holding him accountable for his actions towards me, his siblings, and his education? Im sorry if me not apologizing to him for throwing out his weed, him busting my door down, cussing me out, and wanting him to actually graduate high school makes me rigid. I continue to conact them despite them not doing the same unless they want something. I guess I will just see what happens in court. I have less than 2 years.

    Thanks all for the help. Really opened my eyes and made me realize my mother and family have been right all along.

    And yes a few months. Since February since the girlfriend had moved out previosuly. Kids told me all the horrible things they found, needles, rubber bands, heroine, begged me not to tell dad cuz he would be super pisses. Christ they told my mother all about the drugs. I called social services and they didn't do a damned thing. No one effin cares so I wont care. Kids can live their great unsupervised, undisciplined lives and be happy. Ah well.
    The statement was your SON sees you as rigid and inflexible as all teenagers see their parents especially when told no. Obviously no one thinks you should allow your teen children to do drugs or be disrespectful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
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    20

    Default Re: Father Won't Make Teenager Follow the Parenting Time Order

    My apologies I do read that now. So I have to deal with the father breaking the court order and not having the kids come over, brainwashing them and badmouthing me to them and pay him child support now? That seems so fair. I tell my kids and friends, this is why you dont have sex before marriage. Uhh.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
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    3,212

    Default Re: Father Won't Make Teenager Follow the Parenting Time Order

    Quote Quoting socialyankee
    View Post
    My two eldest are 21 and 20 and do not live at home anymore. The 17 and 16 year old and 13 amd 8 have always been one week on one week off, separate fathers.

    Father was with girlfriend previously I told him if he did not kick her out and keep her away from kids I would take him to court. I have emails backing this up. She moved out. Since the two children decided to not come over anymore she has now moved back in and the father has started working 3rd shift. I brought my concerns up to him about all of this and he said they are old enough to be at home without him and never acknowledges the topic of his girlfriend. As far as our son not graduating I suggested he go to a sort of boot camp where he would learn respect, discipline, and take his Hsed or ged and graduate early. Our son has to agree. He said no and tje father said thats no way for him to spend his summer in a boot camp. Father cares more.about our son having a life than his future in my eyes. We have talked to principal counselors and nothing changes with son. Everything I suggest is shot down by father and son wont agree because it doesnt appeal to him.

    You had no right telling dad if he did not kick out his girlfriend and keep her away from the children you would take him to court.

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