My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Hawaii
I'm 33, to a father of a 2 1/2 yr old daughter. Ex is 30. Not married, our relationship maybe 5yrs.
Its been little over a month, since our break up. She jump ship. She went Lesbian.
Since our daughter got born, we lived separate. We live 7 min drive away. She live with her mom/stepdad/sister/sisterbf/sisterbaby. Same home. I live with my mom/brother/brothergf/their newborn baby.
Me and my brothers. Own two houses and extra land next to it (on title). Had a family talk with my brother, decided to tell the tenants to move out. Their lease expired Nov 2016. (1 year contract). They found a place in Jan. Me and my ex moved in Feb 2017. She moved out ending of this May.
I started going Therapy ending of April 2017, every week and now every two 2 weeks. I live by myself now, 3 bedroom 1 1/2 bath + studio to myself. I confronted her in May 2017 and her mom. Notice 2 months before, something was definitely wrong. It was a nightmare.
Anyways, we are on a verbal mutual agreement with our daughter. First two weeks of the break up, was tough. Mind Games and im a bad dad bla bla. Lots of verbal. During her moving out. She moved back with her parents.
Father (me)
1. I have her on my Medical, 401k/personal bank beneficiary/life insurance
2. Since she was born, me and ex created a bank account. I deposit $100-$150 each pay stub. Ex did it to for about a year as well. Until she found a new job. We met at work. She doesn't deposit anymore. Was supposed to be a "savings bank"
I drop it to $80 since we moved in, to maintain the bills. I ask her how much is left, few weeks ago, she said $120. Anyway!
Still doing the $80 every pay stub, to create a paper trail.
3. Little over a year 1/2, i always pick my daughter up/drop off. To maintain our baby sitting time. Every since she work that new job. She works AM. I work PM Shifts. EX refuse to drop her off on her way to work, she said its "double job". I was never late on pick ups or drop offs. Pick my daughter up 630am-8am, varies on schedule.
4. Right now our verbal Agreement, I have her 8am to 1:30pm Sunday Monday Thursday. Tues and Wed I have her AM/PM
Monday i drop her to a daycare (casual) on Monday 1:30pm. I pay $20 cash (did ask for receipts). I take care 90% of the daycare money. Ex mom pick ups the daughter 3pm. Now i pay 100% to daycare, ex refuse. She say she pay her mom for baby sitting. I don't believe that.
5. Since the break up, went to the court house to get legal advice. Mutual agreement/mediation/court.
6. Thanks to friends that went threw it. Since the break up, i log everything down on a calendar. Do audio recordings on pick up/drops off. 95% Ex Mom give my daughter to me. Since ex is at work at AM shifts. Printed 400+ pictures of me with my daughter together, life time since she was born till now.
7. I keep all receipts now, of things i getting for my daughter. Clothes/groceries etc..
8. I saved pictures/text/emails conversations. Uploaded on a memory card. Had some confrontations. She refused mediation. Saved that text, fresh break up. She ignore my video calls to my daughter. During the 1-2 weeks of the break up.
9. Took pictures of my House. Safe environment. Made my daughter room nice again. Since ex took most of my daughter belongings. (do have before and after pictures)
10. House to myself now. I pay the bills. Utilities/Insurance/Property tax.
11. I do lots of activities with my daughter.
Ex -
1. Everything her way, doesn't trust anyone, live with her mom now.
2. Works a $9-$12 hr Job. Daughter is on a free medical from her. She has no 401k (she cash it out). No dental. No life insurance.
3. She works 7am-530pm, 730am-6pm, 8am-630pm Shifts. Her sets days off is Fri-Sat. She works for a tourist tour company.
4. Her Mom usually watches the daughter when i bring my baby back 1:30pm.
5. Uses all that money obviously, of that account we created. To buy things for daughter. They money i deposit every pay stub.
6. Refused Mediation. She did say verbally " take me to court, lets go" All big headed. But when i confronted her, stop the mind games and bull crap. We can be good co parents without court. As why she being nice. I warn her, your action will be brought up to a judge. Black/white. If we go that route.
7. Refused to drop my baby to my house. 7 min away drive. On her way to work. Never! I always did pick her up. But she can pick up friends that needs a ride to go to work.
8. She took 90% of my daughter belongings. Even took the damn potato peeler! Moving out (i scrambled to get things for daughter , make her room nice again)
9. She pay $400 rent to the mom.
Probably miss a lot on that part of me and my ex. Tried to keep it short. You get the idea!
We are on a verbal agreement, maybe the past week. Ex being nice now. She send me schedules on future dates, if i can watch her a extra day or two. She accepts my video calls to my daughter etc. I confronted her. Told her in text, "you push my buttons, i will take the extra step to fight for my rights with my daughter"
We keep very Light contact. I be specific on text and dates, when i pick her up or drop her off. I send several pictures to my ex of my daugther, on my civil side.
I live in Hawaii. Here, mostly likely joint custody. Unless mom or dad has no job/druggy/homeless/abusive etc...
Like i said, its only been about little over a month.
I sold some personal belongings this month, i got about $4g in case i have to get a lawyer. Enough for a retainer. I called 5 of um, i picked one. But she wont be back August 7th. So i have a month to decide. I seriously don't know what to do.
I had zero dollars to come up with a lawyer retainer. Sold my close personal belongings. To come up with the funds.
I see my daughter every week. Once she start going school/holidays/birthdays/vacations. I dunno how my ex will handle it.
50/50 my friends/coworkers say take her court, or don't take her yet. Two of my close friends did it because the ex bailed and run away with the kid. That's why they went court. Few of them said - Just be mutual, expensive lawyers,stress etc...
Did have my daughter for Fathers day, and half day on 4th of July of this year.
Like i said, ex being all nice on schedules. I just don't know when she will flip the verbal agreement.
Any opinions would be appreciated!

