
Quoting
Mzlizzie
Sorry for being incoherent. Not sure how much of the picture needs to be revealed in order to assess the situation. This is written by grandmother on Dad’s side and I have also been subjected to verbal abuse and restrictions on time I could spent with my granddaughter through the years.
The situation actually involves a couple who began living together thirteen years ago. The woman had two girls, age 5 and 7 from a previous marriage. The couple were desirous of having a child together and a daughter was born in 2005. The Dad took on the responsibility for the other two girls since the father of these two girls either wouldn’t or couldn’t pay any substantial amount for child support. During the time Mom and Dad were together, Mom was constantly taking the other father of the two older girls to court. After daughter was born, Mom began to be progressively physically and emotionally abusive to the Dad. After two years, Mom left with the daughter and the court awarded 50/50 custody.
Constant threats of ‘taking Dad to court, and/or actually taking him to court for various reasons caused Dad to have to constantly be paying for attorneys, court costs and any mediation costs. Dad paid child support and Mom worked 16 hour work week at home. Eventually since she was capable of working a 40 hour work week and her home based position was eliminated, requiring her to seek outside employment.
During subsequent years, the Mom went from one boyfriend to another, and moved frequently. At one point Dad had to have a three year restraining order placed against Mom because of domestic violence.
As the two girls from a previous marriage got older, first the oldest then the youngest were sexually molested. The oldest for many years was a ‘cutter’ and was in and out of hospitals for threats of suicide. Also Mom was raped. And was in hospital for suicidal thoughts. At some point the youngest daughter went to live with her natural father and Mom is now paying child support.
Mom has now married and has another extended family. The two girls are now approximately 19 and 16 years of age. Dad has lived all these years with the fear of his daughter being exposed to the same environment. Through the years Dad reported some of these concerns to the court. Dad was told he would need to initiate a study which, of course, involved thousands of dollars in legal fees that he would have to pay and Mom was not required to pay since she was on State Aid.
The culmination of these events and the financial and emotional strain on Dad has left its toll. Dad is having to file for bankruptcy, is close to losing daughter’s only permanent home where her school and friends are. Dad is fearful that Mom will discover the situation and petition the court for full custody leaving Dad with no financial way to fight to continue to see his daughter.
This is also a tale of two households: Dad encourages social development. Daughter is learning violin, very interested and involved in school activities, has a wide net of both neighborhood and school friendships as a result of her Dad’s home. Mom has, through the years, moved frequently but does have a home in another city close by since her marriage. Although Mom does attend events and pays attention to basic school needs there is not the social, moral, educational formation that needs to take place to ensure daughter of the needed skills to function in an adult society.