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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    1

    Default Ending a Bad Marriage

    My question involves a marriage in the state of: California.

    In 2010, I had 7 surgeries/procedures for cancer. I went from 222 to 168 pounds and was barely functioning. I was a single homeowner, raising two kids from a previous marriage.

    In 2011, I met a new employee at the museum where I worked. We had conversations about my health, about being at peace because my kids would be cared for, etc. Overnight, this beauty wanted to know every thing about me. Her interests matched mine. It was clear, I had finally found the partner I craved for so long. First two dates, I ensured there was no possibility of a child, but the third time she came to my house, it was 6AM on a work day and she insisted we have sex. As soon as it was over, she got in her car and left with a very odd look on her face. In two weeks, she returned to tell me she was pregnant. At the time, she said she was living on a couch at her ex-boyfriend's house.

    I was in love and I desperately wanted to have a chance at a real family. I asked her to move in. It became awkward at work due to her pregnancy; I proposed and everyone seemed very happy.

    What followed were six years of absolute hell, starting her first day in the house - she boxed up my daughters possessions and told her there wasn't room for her things. She began ordered the kids around and made it clear she thought they were weird and continually asked when they would be leaving for their mother's. When our child was a year old, my wife began a six day assault where she brutally insulted my daughter, her hygiene, her skills and hobbies -- after six days of defending my beautiful, talented daughter, seeing her cut herself, I broke: I drove to the beach to kill myself. I came back to my senses and went to the VA hospital for treatment.

    My ex used that night as the reason to destroy me. While I was in the hospital, she evicted my young daughter, then downloaded my emails going back 10 years before I met her, she downloaded my phone contacts, all texts, everything, trying to find a smoking gun. There were none - to this day I have kept my vows, but every single person we know has accepted her barrage of stories that say otherwise. My reputation is in a shambles without ever touching another person. She told family members that I threatened to kill her with a gun the night I went to the beach to suicide. Six years of having the person you love scream, "Why don't you leave?" finally got through to me and I filed a couple months ago. She gets half the equity in my home without giving me a cent. My kids lost their home and we are now in a small apartment, while she demands child support and alimony. I guess mentioning she moved in with a new guy two weeks after I filed is not required, but now that guy plays violent video games with my 5 year old every single night he is there.

    I can give 100 examples of gaslighting and petty theft but the bottom line is that she very purposely drained my assets until I was broke, then went to full throttle to get me to either suicide or leave -either way, she'd get handsomely paid. Six weeks ago, my weight plunged again and at 158 pounds, I climbed up on my roof and went off. As friends from all over tried to organize a rescue while I lay broken on the ground, my wife exploded online, furious that people were coming to my aid. I woke up in the trauma center and truly "woke up." She wanted me to die. It would have been a $750,000 payday for her - I guess I should be more understanding.

    So, I spent six years trying to keep a marriage together while she spent six years destroying me to my work, my family, my kids, and continues slandering me today. My five year old has told the babysitter that "Mom says terrible things about my dad." Its awful.

    What in the hell can I do? She ignores the court orders of no contact and spends her time looking up old friends of mine from when she was 10 years old. It never stops.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Behind a Desk
    Posts
    98,846

    Default Re: Ending a Bad Marriage

    If you're not divorced yet, get a divorce.

    If your ex- is violating court orders, talk to your lawyer about bringing a show cause motion to hold her in contempt.

    If your ex- is badmouthing you to your kids, talk to your lawyer about having a non-disparagement clause added to your custody order (if you have a custody order) or included in the order when you get one.

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