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  1. #1
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    Oct 2016
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    Default How to Defend Yourself Against a False Allegation of Stalking and Restraining Order

    My question involves criminal law for the state of: Alabama

    I have been accused of stalking a female who used to work as a topless dancer years ago. I was her client for about a year, from 2008-2009 to be exact. I would go and see her most weekends at the club where she was dancing. In late 2009, I ran into some money troubles and could no longer frequent the establishment, and that effectively brought our business relationship to an end. Our interaction was only within the club. We never had any contact away from there. In fact, I never even knew her real name. I only her stage name, which is the way it is supposed to be. Four years later in 2013, right after she had gotten out of that profession, she got a job as a waitress at a restaurant close to where I reside. I had eaten at this restaurant before. One Friday night right after she started working there, I went there to eat. She told her manager that she would have to go home for the night, because one of her former clients from when she was a topless dancer was eating there, and that the two of us had had a really big fight four years earlier, and she was afraid that this former client was only there to harass her. This was the first time we had even seen each other in four years. We did have an argument towards the end of the time that I was her client. But, it wasn't anywhere near as bad as she was describing it. The manager approached me and started off by apologizing in advance and telling me of the situation. I told him that, yes, I had once been a client of hers, but that had been years earlier, and I had no interest in doing anything other than eating. He told me that he was sure that that was the case, he was just trying to reassure his new waitress of this. It didn't make any difference, as she left for the night anyway, calling me a "piece of crap" on the way out the door.

    She would eventually lose that job. Three years later, in 2016, we run into each other in a shopping center parking lot. When we made eye contact, I simply said "hi". She gave me a piercing glance. I then said "you been doing alright?". She then shouts something to the effect of "LEAVE ME ALONE!! OH MY GOD, WHY DO YOU KEEP HARASSING ME??? WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN?? SO, YOU THINK THAT BECAUSE YOU WERE ONCE MY CUSTOMER IN ANOTHER LIFE THAT THAT SOMEHOW ENTITLES YOU TO SOMETHING NOW?? NO!!! NO!! YOU HAD BETTER GET OUT OF HERE!! NOW!!!". Of course, she was making a scene. I just shook my head side to side in bewilderment. A week ago, I get served with a restraining order that states that I must stay 300 feet away from her at all times. I have seen her a grand total of two times since late 2009. She has alleged that I have been stalking her for years. She claims that I only came to that restaurant in 2013, because I knew that she was no longer a dancer, and I had an "ax to grind" with her. She then claimed that I had threatened her in broad daylight in that shopping center parking lot and that I had been "following her". She claims that I have showed up outside of every place where she has lived in the last three and a half years. She says that I have showed up at almost every job she has had in that time, causing her to have to quit five of them. None of that is true in the least. What has happened is, she has turned two coincidental meetings over the course of a seven plus year period into stalking and harassment. I have done nothing wrong, so I am not worried about arrest or anything. Could I go to court and contest this? And does it give me a criminal record? I have never had a restraining order issued against me prior to now. The bottom line is, the girl is paranoid that her former clients are out to get her, even after the passage of several years.

  2. #2
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    Oct 2006
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    Default Re: How to Defend Yourself Against a False Allegation of Stalking and Restraining Ord

    You will have to show up for court and make your case. It would probably be wise to have an attorney.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: How to Defend Yourself Against a False Allegation of Stalking and Restraining Ord

    Quote Quoting llworking
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    You will have to show up for court and make your case. It would probably be wise to have an attorney.
    Thanks. I am going tomorrow to talk with an attorney. Also, I would be interested to know if I could press any type of charges against her for making these false allegations.

  4. #4
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    Dec 2009
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    Default Re: How to Defend Yourself Against a False Allegation of Stalking and Restraining Ord

    Why did you say hi to her when you accidentally saw her in the parking lot? And when she looked at you "piercingly" why did you then ask her if she was all right?

    Personally, if I had a huge fight with someone and then several years later pressed that someone to converse with me in a parking lot, after said someone had let me know several times that she absolutely did not want to have any conversations with me, I would not have been surprised to have a restraining order put on me.

    Just sayin'

    Quote Quoting McKay
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    Thanks. I am going tomorrow to talk with an attorney. Also, I would be interested to know if I could press any type of charges against her for making these false allegations.
    What false allegations? She said stuff to you - she is legally allowed to say whatever she wants to you! If she'd said them to the police, or your friends, or your employer...then you might have a case...but she said them to you, and only you. (Yes, I know you want to use what she said to you and only you as something to negate her RO, but that won't work.)

  5. #5
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    Default Re: How to Defend Yourself Against a False Allegation of Stalking and Restraining Ord

    Quote Quoting eerelations
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    Why did you say hi to her when you accidentally saw her in the parking lot? And when she looked at you "piercingly" why did you then ask her if she was all right?

    Personally, if I had a huge fight with someone and then several years later pressed that someone to converse with me in a parking lot, after said someone had let me know several times that she absolutely did not want to have any conversations with me, I would not have been surprised to have a restraining order put on me.

    Just sayin'



    What false allegations? She said stuff to you - she is legally allowed to say whatever she wants to you! If she'd said them to the police, or your friends, or your employer...then you might have a case...but she said them to you, and only you. (Yes, I know you want to use what she said to you and only you as something to negate her RO, but that won't work.)
    Wait. So...you think that me running into her TWICE over the course of a seven and a half year period constitutes stalking?? That doesn't make any sense. As to why I said "hi" and asked her if she was "doing alright" well, it was an awkward situation. I may not have explained that very well. I was at MY car, hanging up my daughter's ballet costume on the hook just inside the back door. I look up and there SHE is. Looking at me with a blank expression on her face. So, I just said "hi". That's whe she glared. To be honest, that made me a little nervous. So, I said "you been doing alright?". I really just wanted to get out of there. In retrospect, I probably just played right into her hands. Instead of just getting into my car and driving away, I stood there and watched her have a meltdown. See, she approached me and accused me of stalking her. This is a personal issue she has with me. I made her mad years ago when I was her client. And, yes, she HAS said those things to the police and to friends of mine. Trust me, she has said a lot to a lot of people. Where the hell did you get that she had only said those things to me?? I really don't get why you are posting this crap. And also, I never said that we had a "huge fight". She is the one who said that. I said we had an argument. There is a difference. Look, I just don't want a criminal record. If this won't cause me to have a record, then I'll just leave it be. I'm not worried about violating the RO. Like I have already stated, her and I have seen each other TWICE since late 2009. So, what does that average out to? I'm no mathematician, but that's like once every 3 and a half to 4 years. So, the odds of yet another chance encounter are VERY low. Dude, my child comes first in my life now. Not some ex-stripper who I was once a customer of. This crazy girl is flattering herself. But, what do you expect from someone who once stripped for a living?

  6. #6
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    Mar 2016
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    Default Re: How to Defend Yourself Against a False Allegation of Stalking and Restraining Ord

    Quote Quoting McKay
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    Thanks. I am going tomorrow to talk with an attorney. Also, I would be interested to know if I could press any type of charges against her for making these false allegations.
    No because you can't file charges. The DA or county attorney does that. You could file a report I guess but I doubt it would get very far. Just go dispute the restraining order. And the make sure you try to avoid her at all costs.

    Quote Quoting McKay
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    Wait. So...you think that me running into her TWICE over the course of a seven and a half year period constitutes stalking?? That doesn't make any sense. As to why I said "hi" and asked her if she was "doing alright" well, it was an awkward situation. I may not have explained that very well. I was at MY car, hanging up my daughter's ballet costume on the hook just inside the back door. I look up and there SHE is. Looking at me with a blank expression on her face. So, I just said "hi". That's whe she glared. To be honest, that made me a little nervous. So, I said "you been doing alright?". I really just wanted to get out of there. In retrospect, I probably just played right into her hands. Instead of just getting into my car and driving away, I stood there and watched her have a meltdown. See, she approached me and accused me of stalking her. This is a personal issue she has with me. I made her mad years ago when I was her client. And, yes, she HAS said those things to the police and to friends of mine. Trust me, she has said a lot to a lot of people. Where the hell did you get that she had only said those things to me?? I really don't get why you are posting this crap. And also, I never said that we had a "huge fight". She is the one who said that. I said we had an argument. There is a difference. Look, I just don't want a criminal record. If this won't cause me to have a record, then I'll just leave it be. I'm not worried about violating the RO. Like I have already stated, her and I have seen each other TWICE since late 2009. So, what does that average out to? I'm no mathematician, but that's like once every 3 and a half to 4 years. So, the odds of yet another chance encounter are VERY low. Dude, my child comes first in my life now. Not some ex-stripper who I was once a customer of. This crazy girl is flattering herself. But, what do you expect from someone who once stripped for a living?
    A restraining order isn't a criminal charge - but it could show up in a background check. If you didn't do anything then show up to court and explain to the judge why you shouldn't have one placed on you.

    Way to stereotype strippers too by the way. Some people that's their only option at the time to provide for their children. Some do it for fun. It doesn't matter why someone is a stripper - you had no issue paying them for their job did you?

    How many strippers did you acquaint yourself with back in the day to be able to generalize them all?

  7. #7
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    Oct 2016
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    Default Re: How to Defend Yourself Against a False Allegation of Stalking and Restraining Ord

    Like I already stated, yes, once upon a time, when I was single and before my daughter was born, I hung out in such places. I was a regular customer of a particular dancer. I paid her to do a job, and to be honest, we had a good thing going. There was a bit of a disagreement there at the end. She thought that I owed it to her to contact her if I wasn't going to be able be there on a particular weekend, and I disagreed. It wasn't long after that I could no longer come to the club where she worked. Now, this is me speculating here, I think that her anger towards me stems from the fact that I stopped coming there. The simple truth is, me no longer coming there had ZERO to do with her. Fast forward to four years later. That is when I see her at that restaurant working. I said NOTHING to her. Me eating there had NOTHING to do with her. It was a place where I had eaten before. I had NO idea that she was working there. Her version was that I had prior knowledge that she worked there, and had come there simply to screw with her. The thing is, I was sitting there eating! I had already been served by a waiter. She didn't even have my table. Yet, she stopped working and went home right then and there, despite her manager reassuring her that there would be no problems. She literally could not be in the same building as me. So, basically, this girl was mad at me for not contacting her when I wasn't going to be at one place, then she was mad at me for showing up at another. Three years later, I ran into her again when I went to a store in a big shopping center to go and pick my my daughter's ballet costume. She approached me. She even said as much. She says that she only approached me to see if that was me to see if she needed to go the other way. My question was why didn't she just go the other way? Why did she need to get verification that that was me? She sure didn't look "terrified" and "in mortal fear" when she was standing there looking at me with a blank expression. So, two chance meetings over a seven year period somehow resulted in her getting a restraining order against me.

    Believe it or not, this is very typical of ex-strippers. Not all of them are like this. But, a lot of them are. A lot of them are paranoid. A lot of them miss the life and the attention they used to get. A lot of them will claim that they are being stalked by their former customers. Especially their former regular customers. Again, not all of them are like that. Perhaps the one of whom I was once a customer had something bad happen to her. Having been in that business seems to have done a number on her. I hate that for her. Personally, I wish her nothing but the best in her life after dancing. I just wish she wouldn't drag my name through the mud. I am not the person I was years ago. I have a daughter now. If this is going to show up in a background check, then it is worth whatever money I need to spend to have it vacated. I really am not interested in having her charged with anything. I would just like for the RO to be nixed, if it is possible.

  8. #8
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    Jul 2010
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    Default Re: How to Defend Yourself Against a False Allegation of Stalking and Restraining Ord

    Quote Quoting McKay
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    A lot of them are paranoid.
    Can you blame them? Given what they used to do and what some of their clientele were like, they have earned a little paranoia. They have lots of options when they are in the club working but once they are on the street, it is just them.

    This could very well show up in a background check, depending on the field of work and the type of check done, even if it's not a criminal order. You need an attorney to help you deal with this. Your passion, for lack of a better word, in this thread would indicate you would not do well in court.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: How to Defend Yourself Against a False Allegation of Stalking and Restraining Ord

    Quote Quoting free9man
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    Can you blame them? Given what they used to do and what some of their clientele were like, they have earned a little paranoia. They have lots of options when they are in the club working but once they are on the street, it is just them.

    This could very well show up in a background check, depending on the field of work and the type of check done, even if it's not a criminal order. You need an attorney to help you deal with this. Your passion, for lack of a better word, in this thread would indicate you would not do well in court.
    You're damn right I'm passionate. I'm a father now. I want to set a good example for my child. So, naturally, I want to try and get this RO vacated. Now, of course, my daughter won't ever find out, but still. It's the principle. I just don't see the point in her doing this. We live in the same city. What am I supposed to do? Call ahead to every place that I go and see if she is there? I have NEVER bothered this girl. Heck, I don't have time to go stalk and terrorize someone! I can understand ex-strippers being paranoid. But, not EVERY former customer of theirs is out to get them. Not to mention, once a certain amount of time goes by, people forget them. Any dude that is going to stalk a dancer is more likely to go after a current one anyway. Answer me this, if you don't mind. If you were "terrified" and "in mortal fear" of someone, and you thought that you spotted them, would you then walk up to them so as to verify that that was in fact them? Or would you continue on your way?

  10. #10
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    Default Re: How to Defend Yourself Against a False Allegation of Stalking and Restraining Ord

    Again you say "a lot" so you must have acquainted with "a lot." I still think you're generalizing.

    It costs you no money to show up to the court hearing and dispute it. You just show up. If you don't show up, she may get it approved. It's up to the judge taking in both your accounts if you show up.

    Quote Quoting McKay
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    You're damn right I'm passionate. I'm a father now. I want to set a good example for my child. So, naturally, I want to try and get this RO vacated. Now, of course, my daughter won't ever find out, but still. It's the principle. I just don't see the point in her doing this. We live in the same city. What am I supposed to do? Call ahead to every place that I go and see if she is there? I have NEVER bothered this girl. Heck, I don't have time to go stalk and terrorize someone! I can understand ex-strippers being paranoid. But, not EVERY former customer of theirs is out to get them. Not to mention, once a certain amount of time goes by, people forget them. Any dude that is going to stalk a dancer is more likely to go after a current one anyway.
    Well we don't have her side of the story on the "disagreement" and only have your side so maybe the disagreement was more than you thought. Perception is reality...

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