While your current situation may seem very unfair, the primary facts here are she has the kids and a domestic violence charge against you. (I'm not passing judgement on whether she should have the kids and obviously I have no idea if the charge is valid but the fact is this is the case.) With those two cards in her hand, frankly she could stumble through this like a drunken fool and still come out on top. You would have needed a very good attorney to have acted quickly and capably in your interests long before now not to be screwed here.

All you can do is hold it together at this point and believe there will be relief eventually. And while you may think it's too late for an attorney to make a difference, don't believe that. A lot can still happen against you and potentially in your favor, but you need a pro in your corner. Try to do what you can to find the money to hire one.