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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
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    6

    Default What to Do if Your Ex- Gets Two Drunk Driving Convictions in Three Months

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Maryland

    I will keep this as short as possible, I live in Maryland, I am 35 year old single dad. My daughter is 5 1/2 and since she was 2 1/2 I have had primary custody of her, and tie breaking legal ability. In an agreement that is signed by the judge and on file with the courts.

    Her mom lives an hour away in a different county, this year my daughter started Pre-K. My daughter visits her mom every other weekend from Thursday night till Sunday night. Meaning her mom is responsible for two fridays a month of transportation to school. My daughter has missed 5 of her fridays in a row from school, and 8 total this year. Her mom lives at home with her parents at age 36, has three other kids that are not mine, doesn't work or have a job and gives no financial support for my daughter.

    Recently I found out her mom has gotten two dui's in a three month span, the reason I filed for primary custody three years ago was because of alcohol issues, and coming home to find her breast feeding my daughter when she was drunk.

    I have established my daughter in a stable loving life, with her being in school, playing sports, playing piano and doing other activities all with in my county, in fact all within a few miles of my home (which I own).

    A stipulation of the agreement is that her parents (my daughters grandparents) are supposed to supervise the entire visit and be present the whole time. After her first dui I asked that they provide all transportation for my daughter and they agreed, I found out that wasn't happening and they were continuing to let my daughters mom drive, with my daughter in the car. She uses her parents car and received both DUI's in her parents vehicle. After her second dui I went to my lawyer and he said I needed to file for modification and ask for sole custody because my daughter is not safe in that situation. So I did so. However being the dad and hearing nothing but horror stories, I am worried about going to court and somehow her mom getting more time, instead of less time. The courts seem to be very reactive not proactive, but I was proactive and have withheld my daughter for her last weekend visit, until court. Her mom continues to drive (I've seen her driving her parents car) after her second dui, so I am guessing she is driving around on a suspended license? Or at least I'd hope it would be suspended after two dui's in three months.

    My question is, am I doing the right thing? After showing texts and the background to a therapist she is convinced my ex is an alcoholic and has other major mental issues.

    I am terrified that 1) this will backfire and I will lose time with my daughter or worse lose custody of her 2) I am scared that I work my butt off for my daughter, that I will lose her and have to pay her mom money 3) as much as I think this is the safest option for my daughter, I feel nothing but guilt that she doesn't get to see her mom right now, but it's not safe for her to go there.


    I know this is a jumbled mess but I am just overwhelmed with anxiety right now.

  2. #2
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    Nov 2013
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    Default Re: What to Do if Your Ex- Gets Two Drunk Driving Convictions in Three Months

    It's not a good idea to withhold the child until court...you are correct, this could backfire on you.

    Are you sure she was convicted both times? It could be that she's driving on a restricted license. Maryland allows for that.

    Why are you worried about losing and "having to pay her Mom money?? I thought that was a curious comment.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
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    18,340

    Default Re: What to Do if Your Ex- Gets Two Drunk Driving Convictions in Three Months

    Two points:

    Get the case files on the DUIs. Your lawyer should know how to do that. Unsubstantiated allegations won't help you.

    "a" therapist? Not your ex's therapist?

    Anyway, unless "a" therapist has direct professional knowledge of your ex's alcoholism, her testimony (even if you could get her into court) is probably of no more use than you alleging that your ex is an alcoholic.

    Courts want "evidence" not just allegations and innuendo.

    Next time you see your ex driving, call the police. The penalty for a DUI includes a 6 month suspension, the 2d includes a 1 year suspension so it's possible that the police can nail her for driving on a suspended license.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
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    6

    Default Re: What to Do if Your Ex- Gets Two Drunk Driving Convictions in Three Months

    Quote Quoting geek
    View Post
    It's not a good idea to withhold the child until court...you are correct, this could backfire on you.

    Are you sure she was convicted both times? It could be that she's driving on a restricted license. Maryland allows for that.

    Why are you worried about losing and "having to pay her Mom money?? I thought that was a curious comment.
    With holding was my lawyers recommendation, it scares me but what else can I do but go off a very reputable lawyer in my counties advice?

    I am worried about having to pay her mom money, because she has 4 kids, only my daughter is mine out of those 4. She doesn't work, and has told the two other dads involved that why would she work when she can just get money from them to raise their kids and live at home. I would rather see her work and help support her daughter and her other kids, after 3 years of supporting my daughter on my own, for her to get more time and me have to pay her so she can be worthless to society really hits me wrong. I don't know that's just how I feel.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
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    2,289

    Default Re: What to Do if Your Ex- Gets Two Drunk Driving Convictions in Three Months

    Quote Quoting TaylorsDad
    View Post
    With holding was my lawyers recommendation, it scares me but what else can I do but go off a very reputable lawyer in my counties advice?

    I am worried about having to pay her mom money, because she has 4 kids, only my daughter is mine out of those 4. She doesn't work, and has told the two other dads involved that why would she work when she can just get money from them to raise their kids and live at home. I would rather see her work and help support her daughter and her other kids, after 3 years of supporting my daughter on my own, for her to get more time and me have to pay her so she can be worthless to society really hits me wrong. I don't know that's just how I feel.
    You can't control what she tells her other exes or what she does with her other kids or if she works or not.

    Yes it's frustrating to be the parent who provides everything for your child and to see the other parent be a waste of space and a drain on society but that's reality unfortunately.

    You should offer to meet her somewhere to see the child and if she says no then that's her problem.

    Has she been convicted of those DUIs? If yes call her in. If no then there's not much you can do about it until she is convicted which she might not be. Who knows?

    Once you get to court you provide the judge all the evidence you can of what you provide for your daughter and that you facilitate visitation time and so on. Don't get spiteful. Don't point out flaws. Let your ex drag herself down. Don't let her drag you down with her.

    Every decent parent would love to be in a perfect co-parenting situation with the ex but it doesn't always happen.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    35,894

    Default Re: What to Do if Your Ex- Gets Two Drunk Driving Convictions in Three Months

    Is Mom ordered to pay CS?

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