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  1. #1

    Default How to Respond to a Change of Custody Motion Based on False Allegations

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

    Hello, I have recently been dealing with a legal matter regarding a change in custody and child support.

    My daughters father is trying to get full custody of her and requesting child support.

    He has not seen her for 10 years yet is claiming that I withheld the child from him and that I have alienated him. In addition, he is claiming that I am a drug addict, abusive, homeless and unsafe for our daughter.

    I am very frustrated because the judge seems sympathetic to his claims and I have not had an opportunity to show that they simply are not true. They are false claims being used as leverage for custody.

    My attorney told me that this particular judge hates to see fathers being withheld from their children which is understandable. I made many attempts to facilitate visitation. I called him many times and he would purposely hang up on me or call and hang up after a couple of rings. When I mailed things to him he, he either would not sign or refused to accept and all documents were sent back to me. I assumed after years of attempting to facilitate visitation, that he simply was not interested in her.

    This past year he has caught up on child support and has used phone records to try to prove that he called and I failed to allow contact. He also presented emails that he has sent to an email address that I no longer has access to, to prove that I never responded to him. The phone calls are there but they do not mean that he was attempting to speak to her. They were the times that he called and would hang up. The calls that I made to him also hung up on. There were only a couple of times that he spoke to her and those were the times that I called. They were very short phone calls and he would accuse me of kidnapping and wouldn't communicate with the child.

    It seems to me that he has been building up a case for all of these years instead of just seeing his daughter. We have mediation coming up and I don't know what to do. I am confused as to why the judge will not hear my side and allows him to keep making false allegations against me. I need to know if anyone else has been in this situation. How should I prepare? Is there anything more I can do to show the judge documentation that I did try to abide by the court orders and he did not? I have told my attorney everything and provided evidence but the judge has seen nothing.

    I am not opposed to visitation, but he is a complete stranger to her. I don't want to put her in situation where she is with a virtual stranger without a process of being introduced before they can reestablish a relationship. What I am opposed to is being presented in a false light and not having the opportunity to present myself or losing my child over something that is a made up story.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Change of Custody, False Allegations

    Mediation should iron out things but I have never done it so I can't tell you how well it will work especially if he doesn't cooperate.

    So he didn't try to contact you until the past year? Or did he claim that he had tried to contact you for years and you didn't allow him to see her?

    You gave all your documentation to your lawyer and you have to allow your lawyer to do his/her job. If you're unhappy with them you can find a new one. I can't see that you would lose custody if there's no proof that you are any of the things he alleges but stranger things happen in this world.

    How do you know the judge hasn't seen anything from your lawyer?

  3. #3

    Default Re: Change of Custody, False Allegations

    He is all over the place. He says that he didn't know where I was and was unable to contact me for 10 years. I did send him and the court a letter 2 months before I planned to move 8 years ago which was required by court. This was one letter that he did accept and he did not object to the move apparently because he planned on moving too. Now he is saying that I broke the law because I relocated without "his permission"

    We all ended up moving to California and I called to set up visitation. He made various excuses saying he did not have money to drive and see her. Or he would agree to see her then would change his mind after we drove halfway. I have witnesses. We later moved again and I sent the required letters and he did not respond. I tried sending him letters from my new residence and he did not accept them. He apparently moved since then and he did not give me his new address.

    He also claims that I never responded to him contacting me. Apparently he was emailing me but I have not had access to this email for 8 years and have been locked out of the account. He sent stacks of emails to the judge claiming that this is proof that I withheld his daughter because I did not reply to the emails and did not fly her to random airports so the he could pick her up. The judge doesn't know that this is the first time that I have seen them.


    This is the first time that he has contacted me.

    I know that the judge hasn't seen the proof because I just hired her and she hasn't presented it yet. I am waiting to hear back to see when the evidence will be seen.

    He has made half-a**** attempts to see her at best and is now attacking my character to make himself look like a victim. Removing my daughter from everything that she has ever known because of false allegations would be devastating to her.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Change of Custody, False Allegations

    Quote Quoting aboundinggrace
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    He is all over the place. He says that he didn't know where I was and was unable to contact me for 10 years. I did send him and the court a letter 2 months before I planned to move 8 years ago which was required by court. This was one letter that he did accept and he did not object to the move apparently because he planned on moving too. Now he is saying that I broke the law because I relocated without "his permission"

    We all ended up moving to California and I called to set up visitation. He made various excuses saying he did not have money to drive and see her. Or he would agree to see her then would change his mind after we drove halfway. I have witnesses. We later moved again and I sent the required letters and he did not respond. I tried sending him letters from my new residence and he did not accept them. He apparently moved since then and he did not give me his new address.

    He also claims that I never responded to him contacting me. Apparently he was emailing me but I have not had access to this email for 8 years and have been locked out of the account. He sent stacks of emails to the judge claiming that this is proof that I withheld his daughter because I did not reply to the emails and did not fly her to random airports so the he could pick her up. The judge doesn't know that this is the first time that I have seen them.


    This is the first time that he has contacted me.

    I know that the judge hasn't seen the proof because I just hired her and she hasn't presented it yet. I am waiting to hear back to see when the evidence will be seen.

    He has made half-a**** attempts to see her at best and is now attacking my character to make himself look like a victim. Removing my daughter from everything that she has ever known because of false allegations would be devastating to her.
    He can say you broke the law all he wants - doesn't sound like you did if he approved of the move and the court allowed it.

    Well if you just hired this lawyer you have to give it a little time. You have to realize how busy judges are and how many cases are on a docket every single day in any court. If you can look up the calendar for the court in your county. You'll see how many they jam in one day. I've looked at the calendar for the county where my ex has his legal crap going on to make sure when his dates are (another story) and there are always a ton of cases on those days he has to go. From 9 am through the afternoon. There are times that say 900 for his case, then 905 for the next case and so on. They don't ever get done in time. Sometimes the judge is late. Anything can happen. Lots of things don't get heard or seen when they're supposed to and have to get continued.

    I really just can't see when everything is seen by the judge that he/she will give the father custody when he has been absent for 10 years and really has no proof of making contact or any proof that you are using drugs or any of that. Even if you were using drugs, that wouldn't be cause to have custody removed either.

    You have to let things get moving. If you just hired a lawyer and he just filed then nothing is going to be determined right now. Plus you have mediation. I know it's nervewracking and it sucks especially when he hasn't tried being a dad in the last decade. But you just make sure you don't let him get to you. Don't sink to his level. Don't talk badly about him to your daughter or around her. Trust me kids can overhear things and pick up on things.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Change of Custody, False Allegations

    Quote Quoting qwaspolk69
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    He can say you broke the law all he wants - doesn't sound like you did if he approved of the move and the court allowed it.

    Well if you just hired this lawyer you have to give it a little time. You have to realize how busy judges are and how many cases are on a docket every single day in any court. If you can look up the calendar for the court in your county. You'll see how many they jam in one day. I've looked at the calendar for the county where my ex has his legal crap going on to make sure when his dates are (another story) and there are always a ton of cases on those days he has to go. From 9 am through the afternoon. There are times that say 900 for his case, then 905 for the next case and so on. They don't ever get done in time. Sometimes the judge is late. Anything can happen. Lots of things don't get heard or seen when they're supposed to and have to get continued.

    I really just can't see when everything is seen by the judge that he/she will give the father custody when he has been absent for 10 years and really has no proof of making contact or any proof that you are using drugs or any of that. Even if you were using drugs, that wouldn't be cause to have custody removed either.

    You have to let things get moving. If you just hired a lawyer and he just filed then nothing is going to be determined right now. Plus you have mediation. I know it's nervewracking and it sucks especially when he hasn't tried being a dad in the last decade. But you just make sure you don't let him get to you. Don't sink to his level. Don't talk badly about him to your daughter or around her. Trust me kids can overhear things and pick up on things.
    You're right. I just want it to be solved now and I guess that is natural when it involves your kids.

    I have not spoken about it while he has been absent. She was around when we tried to make contact with him and she was very young. I dont speak bad about him at all and he really is a stranger to me as well. I am, however, worried about what he is going to say to her about me when they do have contact. The picture he has painted about me is very, very nasty and its quite embarrassing the way he has tried to slander me and he says that he has many witnesses that I have withheld her or that I am on drugs. The drug thing is easy to prove, so is the abusiveness and homelessness, etc. His witnesses are people whom I have never met and will just say that he has tried to make contact for many years (I have seen their declarations). That is just based off of what he has told them. My witness was with me every single time I called and tried to meet him for visitation when I knew his whereabouts.

    She is in counseling but she is pretty nervous still. I don't tell her the details but she knows that we are going to court and the uncertainty gives her anxiety.

    I guess I was hoping to hear from people who has been through similar cases and the scenarios I might possibly expect. I plan on listening to my attorney and trust her

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Change of Custody, False Allegations

    Quote Quoting aboundinggrace
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    You're right. I just want it to be solved now and I guess that is natural when it involves your kids.

    I have not spoken about it while he has been absent. She was around when we tried to make contact with him and she was very young. I dont speak bad about him at all and he really is a stranger to me as well. I am, however, worried about what he is going to say to her about me when they do have contact. The picture he has painted about me is very, very nasty and its quite embarrassing the way he has tried to slander me and he says that he has many witnesses that I have withheld her or that I am on drugs. The drug thing is easy to prove, so is the abusiveness and homelessness, etc. His witnesses are people whom I have never met and will just say that he has tried to make contact for many years (I have seen their declarations). That is just based off of what he has told them. My witness was with me every single time I called and tried to meet him for visitation when I knew his whereabouts.

    She is in counseling but she is pretty nervous still. I don't tell her the details but she knows that we are going to court and the uncertainty gives her anxiety.
    You can't control what he says to her but only hope that he can be a mature adult if he ever gets the chance to see her again unsupervised. I'm sure that's asking for a lot based on what you have posted about him but one can hope.

    It's going to be pretty stressful for awhile so just keep up the counseling and just keep your head in the game. Don't let him sidetrack you. Don't let him in your head. You know what you've done and what you haven't.

    Let your lawyer do his/her job. Let things take their course in court. You can't push it. Your lawyer does this daily.

    You can only control your life and your daughter's to an extent. You can't control what your ex does or says. I've learned in the last few years that all I can do is worry about what I can control. Not what other people say about me. Not worrying about my ex and what he's doing or saying.

    No one knows what will happen but I find it very unlikely that he would get custody after all is said and done. I would be shocked if he got custody honestly.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Change of Custody, False Allegations

    Find a parenting support forum.

    (This ain't one of those )

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Change of Custody, False Allegations

    Listen to your attorney.

    Dad seems to be asking for the moon in the hopes of maybe seeing a star every now and then. Your attorney knows your case; we do not. It wouldn't be right for us to comment much further than we have, although I recommend counseling for your daughter because she is going to be spending time with her father, and given her age it will not be very long at all until it's unsupervised at Dad's place.

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