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  1. #1
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    Feb 2017
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    7

    Default Can You Get a Protective Order to Stop Your Ex- From Investigating You

    My question involves restraining orders in the State of: california

    Hello,

    I have been dealing with my daughters dad for 12 years.

    He has repeatedly accused me of kidnapping by calling the police and/or the DA filing complaints against me. The most recent one he said that i kidnapped his daughter 8 yrs ago.

    The truth is, he has made no attempts to be in her life, has hung up the phone when ive called, failed to pick her up when Ive drove hours to meet him and has done a good job of playing games. He accuses me of kidnapping when child support finds him.

    He and his mother would harass me through email and text but had no intent to see the child for years to the point that I developed major anxiety and kept my phone on silent and still do 8 years later.

    His mother threatened to kill me and regularly wrote me 10 plus page emails (no exaggeration) threatening to ruin my life, saying it would be her career "like rocky" and called me disgusting, horrible names. I do have one copy of one of the emails. However, I deleted the email account years ago because I couldnt handle the harassment. Now I wish I had kept them and filed a protection order.

    Fast forward he has accused me of kidnapping again even though he had not seen her in almost 9 years and has failed to attempt to see her. He is filing for custody and child support. My daugher is terrified. She doesnt know him at all.

    He has obtained a job at a private investigation company and has gathered tons of information about me. He submittrd an encyclopedia (!!!) sized manuscript with his case full of every youtube video ive liked or watched, my myfitness pal accounts, my pinterest pins, private photos of me and my children, private videos of my kids surfing, my husband, my friends, my linkedin account, every address ive ever lived at, every school, every post on facebook that he could dig up, my hair school porfolio photos, any ticket I have ever gotten and page upon page of photos of me. I have no idea how he got them. My facebook is pretty private. I dont think ive covered everything he put in that manuscript.

    For one, none of this is admissible in court. None of it is evidence! But I am extremely creeped out that he is monitoring me online and has hundreds of photos of me and my children and family and everything ive enjoyed online. He has a wife and family, and he could has spent his time with them or called his 'missing' daughter.

    I feel like I am being watched and as if these people are going to start harassing me and threatening me again and it worries me a lot. I thought I got away from them.

    Do I have any grounds for obtaining a protection order? Can he use his contacts at a pi company to monitor me and gather information that isnt even admissible in court? Please help.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    20,594

    Default Re: Can You Get a Protective Order to Stop Your Ex- From Investigating You

    Okay, you've been dealing with the sperm donor for 12 years. Do you have custody orders issued by a court? Does dad have visitation?

    If he has called the police to report "kidnapping," and you have been able to successfully refute such a ridiculous notion, that should be the end of that. In general, it is not against the law to report possible crimes to the police. Though, if you feel you have suffered some form of loss, you can hire an attorney and try to sue him. But, if he isn't keeping current on child support payments, I doubt that he'll have the money to pay any award you might get should you prevail in a lawsuit.

    It doesn't take much to get access to public records with your name on it. A few dollars and an online public records background can get that info. Likewise, any public social media or public forum account can also be good fodder for someone who knows what they are looking for. It's really not that hard to find the stuff you have mentioned, and there is no law against his compiling that stuff.

    If he or his mother threaten to harm you or do damage to your property, call the police. But, from what you have written, there would appear to be no grounds to get a restraining order, and no TRO would prevent him from accessing publicly available info.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Posts
    181

    Default Re: Can You Get a Protective Order to Stop Your Ex- From Investigating You

    Quote Quoting Hardlove4
    View Post
    My question involves restraining orders in the State of: california
    Do I have any grounds for obtaining a protection order? Can he use his contacts at a pi company to monitor me and gather information that isnt even admissible in court? Please help.
    He cannot be prohibited to "investigating you" through lawful means, but you can definitely petition for a restraining order against them if the harassment resumes or is recent. If you opt to represent yourself in court, be sure to support your petition with published opinions such as Parisi vs. Mazzaferro, where the Court of Appeal of California recently affirmed a permanent restraining order against an individual who kept making false police reports and harassing the petitioner.

    An additional venue is to investigate whether he is abusing his office in obtaining so much information about you. That's why I mentioned through lawful means in the preceding paragraph. However, I would not recommend this venue unless you are determined to devote much more effort to the matter. It would be more efficient and effective for you to compile your evidence, get a copy of the false reports (if California law permits it), and focus on your petition for a restraining order.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Posts
    7

    Default Re: Can You Get a Protective Order to Stop Your Ex- From Investigating You

    Yes, I do have custody of her and he has visitation rights every other weekend but does not see her and has not even attempted to make contact with her or visit with her for over 8 years.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    20,594

    Default Re: Can You Get a Protective Order to Stop Your Ex- From Investigating You

    Then you should have little to be concerned of from him with regards to his making reports to the police.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
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    35,894

    Default Re: Can You Get a Protective Order to Stop Your Ex- From Investigating You

    Hmmm.

    Have you recently filed for a child support mod? When did he get married?

    I'm wondering why, after all this time, he chose now to file for custody. Something happened to trigger that, and (unfortunately) it's usually a new partner or a higher child support obligation which draws 'em out of the woodwork.

    (Cynical? ME? Nah )

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
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    7

    Default Re: Can You Get a Protective Order to Stop Your Ex- From Investigating You

    I was wondering if he was iibvestigatin me through lawful means since he has lied and said I kidnapped her and he was trying to locate her. He knew where she was and is using this information to stalk me and none of this information is admissable. I had kept my online information private before and now i am deleting every online profile that shows my identity.

    I dont mind devoting a lot of time to this. I have been upset about his harassment for 10 years of my life already.

    Can I get a restraining order just based on the fact that he has filed 5 plus false reports about me?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: Can You Get a Protective Order to Stop Your Ex- From Investigating You

    Quote Quoting Hardlove4
    View Post
    I was wondering if he was iibvestigatin me through lawful means since he has lied and said I kidnapped her and he was trying to locate her. He knew where she was and is using this information to stalk me and none of this information is admissable. I had kept my online information private before and now i am deleting every online profile that shows my identity.

    I dont mind devoting a lot of time to this. I have been upset about his harassment for 10 years of my life already.

    Can I get a restraining order just based on the fact that he has filed 5 plus false reports about me?

    Not really, no. Even if you did, it wouldn't stop him from wanting to pursue visitation again.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Posts
    7

    Default Re: Can You Get a Protective Order to Stop Your Ex- From Investigating You

    I am working on the custody modification.

    I am not worried about him getting her, I just want him to stop making false reports and stop following me online.

    He makes a false report everytime child support enforcement finds him and takes money.

    I am guessing he is after her because he wants to appear to be the victim/good dad to his new wife.

    The da says he will most likely be sent to therapy and a reuinification process will begin in 6 months with supervised visits. Hes not just gonna pick her up like he thinks he is and i seriously doubt he will go through with therapy that long.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    35,894

    Default Re: Can You Get a Protective Order to Stop Your Ex- From Investigating You

    Quote Quoting Hardlove4
    View Post
    I am working on the custody modification.

    I am not worried about him getting her, I just want him to stop making false reports and stop following me online.

    He makes a false report everytime child support enforcement finds him and takes money.

    I am guessing he is after her because he wants to appear to be the victim/good dad to his new wife.
    .. are you sure it's him? Not her?

    Are you wanting a new, stepped-up visitation plan so your daughter can get to know her father again? What are your plans with that?

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