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  1. #1
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    Jan 2015
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    Burlington, North Carolina, United States
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    Default Who Has Custody if Parents are Unmarried, in North Carolina

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: North Carolina

    My son is 7- his father and I were not married when he was born. His name is on the birth certificate and he signed the affidavit. We have been to court for child support which he does pay and he did a paternity test. We have never been to court about having a custody order so who has custody? Right now we split our time 50/50 he is there a week and then here. His grades are going down so I think the schedule needs to change because he is bouncing around so much. I have mentioned it a few times over the past few months but his dad doesn't ever reply to me or take what I am saying into consideration. Now his grades are going down more, his father isn't able to take him to school in the mornings, he has his girlfriend do it who works 3 days a week and has to wake my son up extremely early (5am I assume) to be taken to a family member to take him to school. He was recently diagnosed with ADD and that is hard enough on him without him losing sleep he needs each night. I want to change our schedule and it is in his best interest so the question is- if I change it on my own can he pick my son up from school and not give him back? he has threatened this before when he was mad at me. I would rather not go to court because I don't have the money to pay for a lawyer but I want my son to grow into a good individual and I can't just keep letting time go by with no changes.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: North Carolina Unmarried Parents, Who Has Custody

    If there is no court-ordered custody, then you have custody.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Who Has Custody if Parents are Unmarried, in North Carolina

    While it is true that if the only action taken is the execution of an affidavit of parentage, the mother is presumed to be the custodial parent, it would be rash to cut off a long-term, custody-sharing arrangement on that basis. Unilateral changes are likely to inspire the other parent to litigate and, even when there is no prior order, courts are inclined to follow the status quo and to frown upon significant unilateral changes of shared parenting.

  4. #4
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    Jan 2015
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    Default Re: Who Has Custody if Parents are Unmarried, in North Carolina

    Quote Quoting Mr. Knowitall
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    While it is true that if the only action taken is the execution of an affidavit of parentage, the mother is presumed to be the custodial parent, it would be rash to cut off a long-term, custody-sharing arrangement on that basis. Unilateral changes are likely to inspire the other parent to litigate and, even when there is no prior order, courts are inclined to follow the status quo and to frown upon significant unilateral changes of shared parenting.
    I do not want to take him away from his father by any means but I do want what is best for my son. Before his father found his new fiancé, he didn't take time with son, he would go weeks without seeing him and our schedule was different where he was with me majority of the time, granted this was 2 years ago. I would like to work out a schedule of M-T with me each week and Thursday after school-friday night with his dad each week and alternating weekends. This would be a major adjustment for both of us but I am a stay at home mom, I have a daughter with my boyfriend and have an open schedule to care for both of my kids. I don't think this is rash but this is why I posted on here.

  5. #5
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    Jun 2014
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    Default Re: Who Has Custody if Parents are Unmarried, in North Carolina

    Why can't you work while your child is in school to pay for an attorney ?

  6. #6
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    Jan 2015
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    Burlington, North Carolina, United States
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    Default Re: Who Has Custody if Parents are Unmarried, in North Carolina

    Quote Quoting Mercy&Grace
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    Why can't you work while your child is in school to pay for an attorney ?
    I could work but only part time, my daughter just went to prek so I haven't been working while she wasn't in school.

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    With a week on/week off timeshare, you need to understand that Dad could end up with primary custody if you take it to court.
    Well his dad doesn't take care of his needs. He doesn't take him to the doctor, dentist, therapist... doesn't take him for haircuts, clip his fingernails. They just "play" while he is there. His daddy's house is the fun house because they buy him stuff all the time and let him play video games instead of doing anything else. His dads work schedule wouldn't allow him to have custody because he can't take him to school in the morning. He has to be there at 5 I think. He also never picks him up.

    I don't understand how me thinking what I was doing was in my sons best interest and now how it can totally flip on me... this guy didn't show interest in his son at all. He would see him two times a week and that was it before I changed the schedule for elementary school. I thought I was giving stability but realistically I just opened up another can of worms. I have all the texts from when he used to not see his son and his mom was always keeping him. It's totally not fair that he was absent and he isn't a parent to his son, just a friend, and I have to feel threatened with all of this.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Who Has Custody if Parents are Unmarried, in North Carolina

    Quote Quoting apotter001
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    I could work but only part time, my daughter just went to prek so I haven't been working while she wasn't in school.



    Well his dad doesn't take care of his needs. He doesn't take him to the doctor, dentist, therapist... doesn't take him for haircuts, clip his fingernails. They just "play" while he is there. His daddy's house is the fun house because they buy him stuff all the time and let him play video games instead of doing anything else. His dads work schedule wouldn't allow him to have custody because he can't take him to school in the morning.
    Any reason Dad's girlfriend/wife/whoever can't take him to school? The court won't care. Blended families happen.

    He has to be there at 5 I think. He also never picks him up.

    I don't understand how me thinking what I was doing was in my sons best interest and now how it can totally flip on me... this guy didn't show interest in his son at all. He would see him two times a week and that was it before I changed the schedule for elementary school. I thought I was giving stability but realistically I just opened up another can of worms. I have all the texts from when he used to not see his son and his mom was always keeping him. It's totally not fair that he was absent and he isn't a parent to his son, just a friend, and I have to feel threatened with all of this.
    Did you not just say that you have a 50/50 timeshare? It's a simple question - yes or no. And honestly, this isn't about you. At. All.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Who Has Custody if Parents are Unmarried, in North Carolina

    Quote Quoting apotter001
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    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: North Carolina

    My son is 7- his father and I were not married when he was born. His name is on the birth certificate and he signed the affidavit. We have been to court for child support which he does pay and he did a paternity test. We have never been to court about having a custody order so who has custody? Right now we split our time 50/50 he is there a week and then here. His grades are going down so I think the schedule needs to change because he is bouncing around so much. I have mentioned it a few times over the past few months but his dad doesn't ever reply to me or take what I am saying into consideration. Now his grades are going down more, his father isn't able to take him to school in the mornings, he has his girlfriend do it who works 3 days a week and has to wake my son up extremely early (5am I assume) to be taken to a family member to take him to school. He was recently diagnosed with ADD and that is hard enough on him without him losing sleep he needs each night. I want to change our schedule and it is in his best interest so the question is- if I change it on my own can he pick my son up from school and not give him back? he has threatened this before when he was mad at me. I would rather not go to court because I don't have the money to pay for a lawyer but I want my son to grow into a good individual and I can't just keep letting time go by with no changes.
    With a week on/week off timeshare, you need to understand that Dad could end up with primary custody if you take it to court.

  9. #9
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    Mar 2016
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    2,289

    Default Re: Who Has Custody if Parents are Unmarried, in North Carolina

    Quote Quoting apotter001
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: North Carolina

    My son is 7- his father and I were not married when he was born. His name is on the birth certificate and he signed the affidavit. We have been to court for child support which he does pay and he did a paternity test. We have never been to court about having a custody order so who has custody? Right now we split our time 50/50 he is there a week and then here. His grades are going down so I think the schedule needs to change because he is bouncing around so much. I have mentioned it a few times over the past few months but his dad doesn't ever reply to me or take what I am saying into consideration. Now his grades are going down more, his father isn't able to take him to school in the mornings, he has his girlfriend do it who works 3 days a week and has to wake my son up extremely early (5am I assume) to be taken to a family member to take him to school. He was recently diagnosed with ADD and that is hard enough on him without him losing sleep he needs each night. I want to change our schedule and it is in his best interest so the question is- if I change it on my own can he pick my son up from school and not give him back? he has threatened this before when he was mad at me. I would rather not go to court because I don't have the money to pay for a lawyer but I want my son to grow into a good individual and I can't just keep letting time go by with no changes.
    No one can have a true 50/50 visitation plan. Did you think that perhaps his grades are failing because he really has no stable home? He's bouncing back and forth from week to week. You need to go to court and get a plan in writing because your son living out of a suitcase does no one any good. You don't HAVE to let him go there since there is no custody order. YOU have sole custody until a judge says otherwise. So if you think this is harming your son with school and such then just don't let him go every other week. Tell the dad he can come every other weekend and once his grades are better maybe every weekend. And offer time in the summer. If he says no - tell him to take you to court.

    If you allow him to pick up your son it's possible he could not give him back. If you don't allow him to pick him up and change the visitation and he just takes him anyway then he may get in trouble.

    What's most important to you? If it's your son's well being then find the money to go to court if you have to get a lawyer.

    Do you work?

    Quote Quoting apotter001
    View Post
    Most of the time, yes but I have kept him more days and I thought that the courts don't really like doing 50/50.... if it obviously isn't working does the court care about that. His grades aren't good, his functioning with anything else isn't good. And oh sorry, I forgot kids take care of themselves so I didn't realiZe it wasn't about me. At. All. As the person who takes care of him day in and day out and does what's best for him rather than what he wants, I would think it is about me.
    Um no none of this is about YOU. It's about what's best for your child and this schedule isn't what's best for your child. Once you have a kid nothing is about you.

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