My question involves a child custody case from the State of: NY and OR
Ok, this gets a little convoluted so I'll try to make the most sense of it the best I can.
My husband and I reside in OR. Currently have 18 year old SS living with us. Still registered in school, but not attending on a regular basis. Has not graduated from HS yet. Was working towards Diploma but has now reduced to working towards his GED.
Mother lives in NY. Current support is on spend down with mother being the non-custodial parent. My husband owed retroactive (not arrears), but support that was added on during SS's relocation back into his mother's house. The spend down mother is paying is going towards this amount since SS has been in our house since this past July. Hope that makes sense!
Have a court hearing on the 8th of this month in NY to reassess the support order since it was only a temporary order until the retroactive was brought down to 0.
We're pretty sure that since SS is still in HS with no diploma or GED that the judge will order Mother to pay support until SS graduates even though he's 18.
The crux of the matter. SS since turning 18, has become more and more openly hostile. We give him bus money to go to school everyday since he had to move to an alternative school and only transportation is a city bus. Come to find out SS skips school on a daily basis. If he does go, it's only for 1 or 2 periods. Which is the reason he went from going for a HS Diploma, to a modified Diploma, to now his GED. Drugs in the house. Violent outbursts. Disrespect. Disappears for days at a time.
Come to find out mother has been messaging SS telling him that she loves him and when he comes back that everything will be great. Back story here, SS came to us because at 17, Mother left him alone for 2 weeks with $20 to his name and no phone while she left the country. This was after taking him out of a residential school for troubled teens where his meds were monitored and he couldn't be trusted by himself.
This is the standard operating procedure. SS burns bridges until he has nowhere to turn then bounces between the 2 houses. Dad bails him out, we get him going on the right path, then mom begs him to come back. Rinse, repeat cycle. /smh
We've discussed the upcoming court date. Dad does not want support but is afraid that mom is begging SS to come back because the court date is coming up so she won't have to pay. SS is welcome here as long he is working towards his GED at least with some basic house rules. He is 18, we can't stop what he's doing since he is an adult, but we can stop what he brings into the house.
Is there a way to request that support be terminated for both parties with prejudice regardless of where SS is living? Trying to ensure that the motivation to help SS is to help him and not just get support. Previously mom begged SS to come home, he came home, then she placed him in a facility the next month and he had been there for over a year.
Not even sure if this has been requested before, but figured I'd ask. We just want people to help SS to genuinely help him. He has financial support here, a roof over his head and food.

