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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    Default False Abuse Claims

    My wife and I are going through a divorce and it was pretty much finalized. A little over a week ago she sent me some txt messages saying that she really needed to see me later and that she had a bad day, etc. I did something in hindsight I know I shouldn't have done - but I allowed her to come over to my house. We had been talking and getting along so I saw no reason to say no. I still wanted to go through with the divorce regardless, because of everything that she had done (emptied the bank accounts and left for beginners). I let her into my house and then when she got into the kitchen I saw that she had a black eye. I asked her what happened and she wouldn't tell me at first. She said "Why do you care so much?" and then said that I only care about myself, etc. Then she said that she'd write a note saying that I didn't do it and wrote the note...then proceeded to tear up the note and throw it in the trash.

    (a side note - she had previously attempted to committ suicide twice in a 24 hour period a couple months ago. Both times I took her to the hospital and the second time the committed her - she blames that on me and said that I did that yet I had no choice in the matter). She is not the most stable person in the world and she is a really convincing liar, unfortunately.

    After that, I comforted her and she appeared to feel better. She was drunk when she got over so I did not want her leaving and getting injured or wrecking the car on the way back to her apartment so she stayed the night. She left at about 7:15 am.

    I got a call at 11am from my lawyer saying "So, she called her lawyer and said you hit her last night." She went to the emergency room and said that I hit her. I had to hire a criminal lawyer and then go through the whole process of a "Domestic Violence" claim. Now I am having to prove that I didn't do it. All that I am guilty of is being too concerned about her well being. I have been told repeatedly that I should never have opened the door so yes, I know that...unfortunately I did.

    She claimed that I called her and asked her to come over to discuss taxes and that she got over at 11pm and then we got in an argument and I backhanded her at 1am and then she left.

    First, it makes no sense why I would ask her to come over at 11pm when I wake up early in the morning to go to work. Second, she left at 7:15am. I have two neighbors who witnessed the car in the driveway at the time (one of them was happy because she thought maybe we were getting back together). I also was able to fish the note she signed out of the trash can and it is all there - dated and signed. I also managed to try to record her saying that she came over with the black eye on a tape the next morning but the recording is in terrible condition as the recorder was in my jacket. I am having my lawyer subpoena txt messages she sent saying she really needed to see me, etc. Also, she claimed I backhanded her - I'm right handed and it was her right eye that was bruised. The logistics behind that just don't fit. And finally - why would I hit her, being an intelligent person, when the divorce is just days away from being finalized?

    This whole situation is making me sick. Sick that a woman has the ability to just ruin a man's life by a false accusation. And a bit disappointed that in cases like this it is "Guilty until proven innocent." Not only can she just take all of the money out of my bank account and leave but she can then come to my house and claim something like this to ruin my life even more.

    I guess my questions are - how much evidence do you need to disprove allegations of spousal abuse? And then if I get the charges dropped (I just have to hope that God is on my side and will see me through this) what recourse do I have? Because of her false claims I have had to take time off of work, pay a bond to stay out of jail and hire a criminal attorney. If they do find out that she was lying about me hitting her - can I file a civil suit against her for character defamation or something along those lines?

    But my biggest fear is that her lie will be considered the truth.

    Anyone have any experience with stories like this? My lawyer is telling me that they rarely dismiss cases like this and that it will be a tough road. I just don't know my chances. I know they can't say "Oh, you'll beat this" because there is a chance I won't.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    5,437

    Default Re: False Abuse Claims

    ...My lawyer is telling me that they rarely dismiss cases like this and that it will be a tough road....

    Your lawyer is right.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    8

    Default Re: False Abuse Claims

    Quote Quoting seniorjudge
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    ...My lawyer is telling me that they rarely dismiss cases like this and that it will be a tough road....

    Your lawyer is right.
    Yeah, I've been reading up on these DV cases. Women can do pretty much anything -- lie, cheat, steal, take the kids, divorce, take the money, and then fake abuse, and you're pretty much screwed.

    I don't think I want to be dating or married any time soon. It's too dangerous for guys when women have this much power.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    California
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    Default Re: False Abuse Claims

    Quote Quoting dvcaselaw
    Yeah, I've been reading up on these DV cases. Women can do pretty much anything -- lie, cheat, steal, take the kids, divorce, take the money, and then fake abuse, and you're pretty much screwed.
    And the men who are suspects can pretty much bluster, intimidate, threaten and dominate their victims.

    So, do you have a magical answer or a wand to wave that will instantly determine the truth?

    I don't think I want to be dating or married any time soon. It's too dangerous for guys when women have this much power.
    Take a look at the victims of DV and then see who has the REAL power. I guarantee you that it ain't usually the woman.

    - Carl

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
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    8

    Default Re: False Abuse Claims

    Quote Quoting cdwjava
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    And the men who are suspects can pretty much bluster, intimidate, threaten and dominate their victims.

    So, do you have a magical answer or a wand to wave that will instantly determine the truth?


    Take a look at the victims of DV and then see who has the REAL power. I guarantee you that it ain't usually the woman.

    - Carl
    I would tend to disagree. Things are skewed now in favor of women because of the media hype surrounding DV, if only for responsible men who do not commit acts of DV.

    For men who do commit acts of DV, yes, there probably is a small case they could be let off, but it seems that the system as it is now favors women.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    California
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    20,594

    Default Re: False Abuse Claims

    Quote Quoting dvcaselaw
    I would tend to disagree. Things are skewed now in favor of women because of the media hype surrounding DV, if only for responsible men who do not commit acts of DV.
    And you base this opinion on what level of involvement with domestic violence?

    Are there false accusations? Sure. However, there are many, many more that are NOT reported out of fear of the abuser or fear of the consequences of the abuser's arrest.

    There are volumes of REAL data out there on the impact of domestic violence. I suggest you avail yourself of the true data and not rely solely on harrowing anecdotal accounts on the internet or the occasional media story from allegedly victimized men.

    For men who do commit acts of DV, yes, there probably is a small case they could be let off, but it seems that the system as it is now favors women.
    If that were truly the case, then we would get more cases to trial. In my state - and my county in particular - very few even get filed, and almost none go to trial (they tend to plead out). Since the victim - and often the only witness - recants within 48 hours in more than 75% of cases (usually closer to 85% by trial), DV cases can be very difficult to prove without independent witnesses or serious injury. Even then there can be serious problems.

    - Carl

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    9

    Default Re: False Abuse Claims

    It took me over 3 mths to clear my name after my ex injured himself and went to the police station and said i did it. I did like you trying to make a rational argument that it wasn't possible. I found out the Justice System is not rational. You should geta Criminal Defense Atty and fight the charges all the way. The DA kept offering me plea deals for something I didn't do, So I refused and was prepared to go to trial when it was dismissed. It will be a long and grueling but don't give up. Mad

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