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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
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    10

    Default What to Do if a Teen Doesn't Want to Go on Visitation Due to Mental Abuse

    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: NC
    My 15 year old has a good relationship with her biological father ( I have always encouraged it), he comes to get her whenever he wants to. He is married and so am I, she has known my husband since she was 15 mos. old and refers to him as dad, mainly because he was solely dad the first 4 to 5 years. Recently I found out through a counselor that my daughter was asking questions about suicide and it stemmed from the step-mother! After finding this out I did some investigating and talked to my baby who told me "everything" ( I feel like she is still hiding somethings to keep the peace). She has called my child pathetic, a liar, and tells her that she needs to sacrifice doing her school activities for her( the step-mother) and her bio-dad. (children DO NOT sacrifice!) This is a child who is a straight A student, in JROTC, a student athlete, BETA club member, Junior Civitan member, and has never met a stranger or enemy in her life. I told him that I no longer wanted our daughter around her. He lives 2 hours away and REFUSES to come see our daughter without his wife. He wants to take me to court, I told him PLEASE DO! Am I morally or legally wrong for wanting to keep my daughter away from an adult bully, especially when she is feeling stressed and fearful? The counselor told me one day, she was crying so bad that she started crying!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    18,927

    Default Re: She Doesn't Want to Go (Mental Abuse)

    Go to court. That's the only way you're going to resolve this. You can't unilaterally decide to modify the conditions.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    10

    Default Re: She Doesn't Want to Go (Mental Abuse)

    Since there is no order right now, am I within my rights to protect her and keep her away from the step-mother. He refuses to make adjustments and will only make excuses for the wife. I am worried about my daughters safety.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
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    7,600

    Default Re: What to Do if a Teen Doesn't Want to Go on Visitation Due to Mental Abuse

    Quote Quoting day6281
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    (children DO NOT sacrifice!)
    Not specific to your situation but I beg to differ. If the child's activities are negatively impacting the other parent's time with them, then they may need to miss some of those activities if the other parent wants to do something else.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
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    10

    Default Re: What to Do if a Teen Doesn't Want to Go on Visitation Due to Mental Abuse

    We shall agree to disagree.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    832

    Default Re: What to Do if a Teen Doesn't Want to Go on Visitation Due to Mental Abuse

    It's not about agreeing to disagree. It's about what will be the case if and when this goes to court. If you guys go that route and get a court order regarding visitation, then your daughter will be forced to go regardless of what else she has going on.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
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    10

    Default Re: What to Do if a Teen Doesn't Want to Go on Visitation Due to Mental Abuse

    So you are telling me that my daughter would have to miss her basketball games and school field trips to accommodate a parent "wanting" to do something else? ( Man that really SUCKS!)

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
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    7,600

    Default Re: What to Do if a Teen Doesn't Want to Go on Visitation Due to Mental Abuse

    It's part of the reality of split households. I would hope dad would be willing to accommodate some of her activities but he is entitled to use his time as he sees fit. Kids in any familial situation need to learn that you sometimes have to sacrifice and not do something you really wanna do in order to accommodate someone else. if they don't learn it, they could be in for a rough time as adults.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    1,421

    Default Re: What to Do if a Teen Doesn't Want to Go on Visitation Due to Mental Abuse

    Quote Quoting day6281
    View Post
    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: NC
    My 15 year old has a good relationship with her biological father ( I have always encouraged it), he comes to get her whenever he wants to. He is married and so am I, she has known my husband since she was 15 mos. old and refers to him as dad, mainly because he was solely dad the first 4 to 5 years. Recently I found out through a counselor that my daughter was asking questions about suicide and it stemmed from the step-mother! After finding this out I did some investigating and talked to my baby who told me "everything" ( I feel like she is still hiding somethings to keep the peace). She has called my child pathetic, a liar, and tells her that she needs to sacrifice doing her school activities for her( the step-mother) and her bio-dad. (children DO NOT sacrifice!) This is a child who is a straight A student, in JROTC, a student athlete, BETA club member, Junior Civitan member, and has never met a stranger or enemy in her life. I told him that I no longer wanted our daughter around her. He lives 2 hours away and REFUSES to come see our daughter without his wife. He wants to take me to court, I told him PLEASE DO! Am I morally or legally wrong for wanting to keep my daughter away from an adult bully, especially when she is feeling stressed and fearful? The counselor told me one day, she was crying so bad that she started crying!
    Well I can say YOU are pathetic.
    1) He is not her biological father. He is her father.
    2) Your husband is legally no one.
    3) She should not be referring to your husband as dad because he isn't.
    4) Your derision for the man you chose to be your daughter's father comes through loud and clear.
    5) She may be all those things that you mentioned but you don't know how she acts when she is with her father and her stepmother.
    6) How would you feel if she called her stepmother "mom"?

    Quote Quoting day6281
    View Post
    So you are telling me that my daughter would have to miss her basketball games and school field trips to accommodate a parent "wanting" to do something else? ( Man that really SUCKS!)
    Man you shouldn't have put her in something that is on her father's time without discussing it and getting agreement with her father. Really sucks you weren't considerate and able to be an adult and coparent. See how that works?

    Oh and this is not child abuse or neglect. This is mom thinking her precious snowflake shouldn't have a modicum of respect for her father (not biological father) because her husband is the real dad. If anyone is responsible for the problems, it is mom and her attitude.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    832

    Default Re: What to Do if a Teen Doesn't Want to Go on Visitation Due to Mental Abuse

    I understand what you are saying OP, about how that sucks for the kid. I get it, and it does suck for the kid. I participated in school activities when I was in high school and it played a part in who I am today. But, if my parents decided that something else was more important than a practice, or a game, I didn't go. That was with one family, so it didn't happen often, but it did happen.

    Your daughter doesn't have that luxury because she is growing up in a split household. It is compounded because, one, her parents aren't good at working together, and two, she has two family schedules that could potentially interfere with her scheduled activities, so it will likely happen more often then if you and dad were still together. That's her reality because of the situation you and dad created for her. My daughter is also growing up in a split family, and will have the same reality

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