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  1. #1

    Default Can Your Ex- Cancel an Unofficial Joint Physical Custody Agreement

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Iowa

    My current child custody decree gives me two overnights a week from 5pm-8am and every other weekend Friday-Sunday afternoon (we were never married, btw). Six months ago I approached my ex about modifying the child custody visitation schedule to me having every Tuesday and Wednesday into Thursday morning and every other weekend Friday into Monday morning, making it officially 50/50 physical custody, this is with me maintaining the same level of child support as I was paying with the last schedule, me paying for half of my children's daycare (this was new), half of all school fees, lunches, and half of agreed upon sports (again, this was all new as well). She agreed, but by only saying we would try it temporarily. We have been doing this for six months now with no co-parenting problems. The last two months she has been using this as a leverage tool against me whenever I do not give her what she wants saying that she only agreed to temporary 50/50 physical and is threatening to take away (this is because I tell her I am not okay with switching days with her she requests- usually I'm flexible, but when I don't want to change days, she throws a fit). I really do think she is blowing smoke because she really cannot afford to take on the full expense of our children's daycare and school costs, and is using my children against me to keep while we do not have this "officially" in place. I have kept all my check receipts for daycare, school fee & lunches, and texts from her.

    I personally would like to take this to court and get her to sign this finally to make it official so she'll stop holding this above my head and trying to hurt me. Do I have a standing chance to modify this if she does decide to battle me on it? I just feel it is incredibly cruel to our children and to me to bargain our time as she pleases. Also, not sure if would do anything, but my ex is unmarried (has a boyfriend of a couple of months) and I am married and my wife has a child on the way. This is more of a question of curiosity in regards to sibling groups.
    What other suggestions do you have? Thank you!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Unofficial Joint Physical Custody Agreement, 6 Months Later Ex Threatening to Can

    Your wife and future child have no financial or legal bearing on anything you do with your ex.

    My guess is that your ex is taking advantage of you and you should file in court to nail down custody, visitation, and support.

    You are likely giving more than your state's support guidelines.

    Here's just one online calculator that you can use to confirm that:

    https://secureapp.dhs.state.ia.us/estimator/#/

    I'm not suggesting you shortchange your children but if you go to court and the court awards the minimum required by law then you will have the leverage when you decide to do extra.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Unofficial Joint Physical Custody Agreement, 6 Months Later Ex Threatening to Can

    Quote Quoting weepingwillow
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    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Iowa

    My current child custody decree gives me two overnights a week from 5pm-8am and every other weekend Friday-Sunday afternoon (we were never married, btw). Six months ago I approached my ex about modifying the child custody visitation schedule to me having every Tuesday and Wednesday into Thursday morning and every other weekend Friday into Monday morning, making it officially 50/50 physical custody, this is with me maintaining the same level of child support as I was paying with the last schedule, me paying for half of my children's daycare (this was new), half of all school fees, lunches, and half of agreed upon sports (again, this was all new as well). She agreed, but by only saying we would try it temporarily. We have been doing this for six months now with no co-parenting problems. The last two months she has been using this as a leverage tool against me whenever I do not give her what she wants saying that she only agreed to temporary 50/50 physical and is threatening to take away (this is because I tell her I am not okay with switching days with her she requests- usually I'm flexible, but when I don't want to change days, she throws a fit). I really do think she is blowing smoke because she really cannot afford to take on the full expense of our children's daycare and school costs, and is using my children against me to keep while we do not have this "officially" in place. I have kept all my check receipts for daycare, school fee & lunches, and texts from her.

    I personally would like to take this to court and get her to sign this finally to make it official so she'll stop holding this above my head and trying to hurt me. Do I have a standing chance to modify this if she does decide to battle me on it? I just feel it is incredibly cruel to our children and to me to bargain our time as she pleases. Also, not sure if would do anything, but she is unmarried (has a boyfriend of a couple of months) and I am married and my wife has a child on the way. The two children that I have with my ex are my ex's only children, while mine will have a half sibling in a few months. Will this bear any additional weight in court if it comes to a court battle? What other suggestions do you have? Thank you!
    Could you please explain why you think your new wife and child would have bearing? You asked the question ... I'm simply curious as to the thought process behind it.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Unofficial Joint Physical Custody Agreement, 6 Months Later Ex Threatening to Can

    I was told by another person that courts often frown upon splitting up sibling groups, even if they are half siblings. It was more of a question of curiosity as well. I am not sure what will or will not help our case if she decides to fight back on this.

    Does it sound like my case would hold if i have to take it to court, even if my ex keeps saying it was only for temporary purposes though I am pretty sure she is just using this as a way to manipulate me.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Unofficial Joint Physical Custody Agreement, 6 Months Later Ex Threatening to Can

    Quote Quoting weepingwillow
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    I was told by another person that courts often frown upon splitting up sibling groups, even if they are half siblings.
    Judges don't care that you went off and got married and have other children. It's the two you had with your ex that count.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Unofficial Joint Physical Custody Agreement, 6 Months Later Ex Threatening to Can

    Quote Quoting weepingwillow
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    I was told by another person that courts often frown upon splitting up sibling groups, even if they are half siblings. It was more of a question of curiosity as well. I am not sure what will or will not help our case if she decides to fight back on this.

    Does it sound like my case would hold if i have to take it to court, even if my ex keeps saying it was only for temporary purposes though I am pretty sure she is just using this as a way to manipulate me.
    I don't know who told you that but don't take any more advice from them.

    My daughter has three half siblings. Two of them are from my ex's first ex wife. The oldest is from a one night stand when he was 19. None of those children came up in our divorce hearing or his first one. They never will. The only children that come up in custody hearings are the children that are legally yours and your ex's. So if she has another kid, you wouldn't have anything to do with it and it wouldn't come up in your custody battles.

    To top it off - my daughter's oldest brother has six half siblings between his mom and my ex. Three from his dad. Three from his mom. Then his first ex wife got remarried and she's expecting with her new husband. None of those half siblings are going to come up in any of the custody arrangements for my ex or his other ex's and so on.

    What do you mean will it hold? The judge is going to ask why the agreement failed to work after six months maybe. But bottomline it was unofficial. Judges do like parents to work things out on their own. The judge could order something similar or not change it at all. Depends on the judge sometimes.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Unofficial Joint Physical Custody Agreement, 6 Months Later Ex Threatening to Can

    Watch Mom marry her boyfriend double-quick to make sure her family unit "matches" that of Dad.

    Because, y'know, that's just oh-so-stable.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Unofficial Joint Physical Custody Agreement, 6 Months Later Ex Threatening to Can

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    Watch Mom marry her boyfriend double-quick to make sure her family unit "matches" that of Dad.

    Because, y'know, that's just oh-so-stable.
    That is also no reason to get married.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Unofficial Joint Physical Custody Agreement, 6 Months Later Ex Threatening to Can

    Quote Quoting weepingwillow
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    I was told by another person that courts often frown upon splitting up sibling groups, even if they are half siblings. It was more of a question of curiosity as well. I am not sure what will or will not help our case if she decides to fight back on this.

    Does it sound like my case would hold if i have to take it to court, even if my ex keeps saying it was only for temporary purposes though I am pretty sure she is just using this as a way to manipulate me.
    No. Child support does not include day care expenses and she can have those calculated into the court ordered payments. While school fees and school lunches may be out of child support, daycare is normally the big expense and that is an add on. Take it to court and you may find yourself paying more than current child support and getting less than you are getting now.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Can Your Ex- Cancel an Unofficial Joint Physical Custody Agreement

    Quote Quoting weepingwillow
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Iowa

    My current child custody decree gives me two overnights a week from 5pm-8am and every other weekend Friday-Sunday afternoon (we were never married, btw). Six months ago I approached my ex about modifying the child custody visitation schedule to me having every Tuesday and Wednesday into Thursday morning and every other weekend Friday into Monday morning, making it officially 50/50 physical custody, this is with me maintaining the same level of child support as I was paying with the last schedule, me paying for half of my children's daycare (this was new), half of all school fees, lunches, and half of agreed upon sports (again, this was all new as well). She agreed, but by only saying we would try it temporarily. We have been doing this for six months now with no co-parenting problems. The last two months she has been using this as a leverage tool against me whenever I do not give her what she wants saying that she only agreed to temporary 50/50 physical and is threatening to take away (this is because I tell her I am not okay with switching days with her she requests- usually I'm flexible, but when I don't want to change days, she throws a fit). I really do think she is blowing smoke because she really cannot afford to take on the full expense of our children's daycare and school costs, and is using my children against me to keep while we do not have this "officially" in place. I have kept all my check receipts for daycare, school fee & lunches, and texts from her.

    I personally would like to take this to court and get her to sign this finally to make it official so she'll stop holding this above my head and trying to hurt me. Do I have a standing chance to modify this if she does decide to battle me on it? I just feel it is incredibly cruel to our children and to me to bargain our time as she pleases. Also, not sure if would do anything, but my ex is unmarried (has a boyfriend of a couple of months) and I am married and my wife has a child on the way. This is more of a question of curiosity in regards to sibling groups.
    What other suggestions do you have? Thank you!
    It was unofficial so yeah she can stop that arrangement. The only one she HAS to abide by is the one in the court order. So if you want your unofficial agreement to be official, take her to court. No one knows how likely it is that you'll get it. Depends on the judge.

    Oh and it does not matter that you are married and she is not. Those people have no legal bearing on your case. The only ones who have legal standing are you, your ex and the children you had with her. That's it.

    Sibling groups?

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