Of course I want custody, but can no longer afford to fight. I am angry at the alienation that has happened. I provided a loving home with appropriate rules and supported their activities. There was no win/win after the divorce when their father told me, "I will get these children away from you in any way I can." Now, after an unwarranted CPS call and years of fighting false allegations the boys are choosing to live with their stepmother who is usually away at medical school, and her mother who only speaks Chinese, while the boys father is in Alaska 3-4 out of every 6 weeks. All the mental health people we've consulted say that the father's parenting must fail in the boys' eyes before they would choose me over a father who has pressured them to dislike me. I'm just trying to keep them safe, keep my visitation rights, and not get further abused by their father in the process. I'm not bitter that I "lost", I'm bitter about how I lost, and how difficult it now seems to be to have peaceful visitation without further manipulation from my ex.