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  1. #1
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    Default Father Wants to File for Custody to Avoid Paying Child Support

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Virginia

    So, I've had full legal and physical custody of my son since birth and he is now 4 years old. I just filed for child support and his father is upset and is threatening to file for full custody. I have text messages spanning the years where he has refused to watch him on his days off because "he has things to do." Also, proof that he's turned down every offer of visitation. Does he have a chance of getting full custody of my son?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Father Wants to File for Custody to Avoid Paying Child Support

    Quote Quoting Ebooker8388
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    Does he have a chance of getting full custody of my son?
    Based upon what you've told us so far, and assuming it to be the whole story? No.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Father Wants to File for Custody to Avoid Paying Child Support

    Quote Quoting Ebooker8388
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    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Virginia

    So, I've had full legal and physical custody of my son since birth and he is now 4 years old. I just filed for child support and his father is upset and is threatening to file for full custody. I have text messages spanning the years where he has refused to watch him on his days off because "he has things to do." Also, proof that he's turned down every offer of visitation. Does he have a chance of getting full custody of my son?
    "My son"? Nope. He has a good chance of getting SOME custody of HIS son though.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Father Wants to File for Custody to Avoid Paying Child Support

    Quote Quoting Ebooker8388
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    I'm open to visitation, but he's never had the child overnight plan only spent 2 days alone when he babysat him. I've continually offered him days and opportunities and he always says he has plans. He's never asked to have him, in his entire life. But you're saying even in light of 4 years of neglect and indifference that there is still a chance he'll get custody?
    "Some" custody is possible. Full custody is not, based on what you have said. Some custody could simply be joint legal custody (joint decision making) or could be limited joint physical custody.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Father Wants to File for Custody to Avoid Paying Child Support

    Good morning Ebooker8388,
    Joint custody refers to decision making. That doesn't necessarily mean 50/50 timeshare though, which seems to be your primary concern. And since you say this is an accurate portrayal, you will likely find that once he finds out that he will end up paying child support anyways, not much will change in your current arrangement since he already avoids time anyways. I don't think you have much to worry about.

    Judges see this all the time, where parents go for full custody to avoid child support. They won't fall for it. He isn't going to get a 24/7 situation, but will eventually get overnights and weekends. Even a few weeks in the summer. If your child barely knows his father, then you can asked for a phased in approach, working up to longer periods of time.

    Also, just as a side note, you shouldn't refer to the time your child spends with his father as "babysitting." Regardless of your feelings on the matter, or how uninvolved he seems to be in parenting, that terminology doesn't come off well on you.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Father Wants to File for Custody to Avoid Paying Child Support

    Quote Quoting Ebooker8388
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    It's an accurate summary. But I also have texts where I asked him to take one day off when our son had the flu, after I'd already missed 4 days, and he refused. He also has a recent criminal record.

    I just hope that the court takes into account that our sons never spent more than a few hours with him, usually months apart, when he was visiting his paternal grandparents. And i feel like going straight into a situation that leaves him in a situation where he's staying 24/7 with someone who has never cared for him is definitely not in his best interesr. He also attends preschool here and his father lives 2 hours away.
    Expect while the case is ongoing that father gets a graduated parenting plan and expect that he will say you denied him time. Expect that if dad uses all of the time on the graduated parenting plan that he will have overnights. And most likely get joint legal custody and at least standard companionship with his child.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Father Wants to File for Custody to Avoid Paying Child Support

    Quote Quoting readytoleave
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    Good morning Ebooker8388,
    Joint custody refers to decision making. That doesn't necessarily mean 50/50 timeshare though, which seems to be your primary concern. And since you say this is an accurate portrayal, you will likely find that once he finds out that he will end up paying child support anyways, not much will change in your current arrangement since he already avoids time anyways. I don't think you have much to worry about.

    Judges see this all the time, where parents go for full custody to avoid child support. They won't fall for it. He isn't going to get a 24/7 situation, but will eventually get overnights and weekends. Even a few weeks in the summer. If your child barely knows his father, then you can asked for a phased in approach, working up to longer periods of time.

    Also, just as a side note, you shouldn't refer to the time your child spends with his father as "babysitting." Regardless of your feelings on the matter, or how uninvolved he seems to be in parenting, that terminology doesn't come off well on you.
    Thank you for your advice, I'll be sure to watch my wording. And it's not that I don't want them to form a relationship, I just don't want our sons whole life to be disrupted or for him to be in a situation in which he's uncomfortable. I'm open to starting with day time visits, to overnights and see how it goes from there. I just honestly know, from his own words, that he's doing this to avoid child support and I wish he'd wanted to do this the right way.

    Quote Quoting Ohiogal
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    Expect while the case is ongoing that father gets a graduated parenting plan and expect that he will say you denied him time. Expect that if dad uses all of the time on the graduated parenting plan that he will have overnights. And most likely get joint legal custody and at least standard companionship with his child.
    I'm fine with a graduated parenting plan, something that will be more comfortable for our son than jumping to full custody. I want him to know his father, but I want him to have time to build that relationship without unnecessary confusion or stress for him.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Father Wants to File for Custody to Avoid Paying Child Support

    Quote Quoting Ebooker8388
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    Thank you for your advice, I'll be sure to watch my wording. And it's not that I don't want them to form a relationship, I just don't want our sons whole life to be disrupted or for him to be in a situation in which he's uncomfortable. I'm open to starting with day time visits, to overnights and see how it goes from there. I just honestly know, from his own words, that he's doing this to avoid child support and I wish he'd wanted to do this the right way.



    I'm fine with a graduated parenting plan, something that will be more comfortable for our son than jumping to full custody. I want him to know his father, but I want him to have time to build that relationship without unnecessary confusion or stress for him.
    How much time did he get to build with the preschool teacher before he was left there? or with the babysitter/daycare before he was left there for your work day?

    Realize junior can pick up on your ATTITUDE and apprehension regarding him spending time with dad.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Father Wants to File for Custody to Avoid Paying Child Support

    Quote Quoting Ohiogal
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    How much time did he get to build with the preschool teacher before he was left there? or with the babysitter/daycare before he was left there for your work day?

    Realize junior can pick up on your ATTITUDE and apprehension regarding him spending time with dad.
    I can pick up on yours. The first time i left our son with his dad. I'd made it 5 minutes down the road before he called me to come back and get him. What's your problem?

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Father Wants to File for Custody to Avoid Paying Child Support

    OG is simply pointing you in a new direction of thinking about what a judge is going to be seeing. She is a GAL and is definitely one of the most knowledgeable people on this forum. While you may not like what she says, or how she says it, I have seen very few times that she has been incorrect in what she is stating or the direction of her questioning. In this case, she is also correct. You had mentioned how hard it was on the child to be left with someone that he barely knew, but he does will learn to get over it if he feels from you that he is safe and that the situation is okay. He probably wasn't comfortable the first day of daycare, but I think that he has probably figured it out, right? Being his primary parent, you have the most influence on how your son reacts to a new situation.

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