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  1. #1
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    Thumbs down Can You Restrict Contact to Telephone if a Custody Court Authorized Video Chats

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: CA

    My child's father recently filed a modification for visitation in response to his child support amount significantly increasing. He was not involved for the first 5 years of my child's life [did execute one visit 2 years ago, we live in NY] but otherwise is a stranger. My child calls his step father "daddy" and doesnt understand who his bio dad is. His father has been granted 2 phone calls or skype calls each week. I am wondering how much I can get away with using the phone primarily and not skype before he could try to call it contempt. Our agreement wording does say phone OR skype. My child doesn't understand who this person is (he thinks he's someone that just wants to be his friend), why he has to video chat with him, and why this person won't come to visit. I feel like he's being set up to be more confused and potentially let down than before. And this was in response to having to pay more money, for the last 5 years he has not been concerned at all about building this relationship from across the country.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Phone Time vs Facetime

    How am I keeping him out of the picture? He gets phone calls twice a week and can pay to visit with 30 days notice per mediation agreement. This was just signed off in court a week ago.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Phone Time vs Facetime

    Quote Quoting wickedsm0715
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    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: CA

    My child's father recently filed a modification for visitation in response to his child support amount significantly increasing. He was not involved for the first 5 years of my child's life [did execute one visit 2 years ago, we live in NY] but otherwise is a stranger. My child calls his step father "daddy" and doesnt understand who his bio dad is. His father has been granted 2 phone calls or skype calls each week. I am wondering how much I can get away with using the phone primarily and not skype before he could try to call it contempt. Our agreement wording does say phone OR skype. My child doesn't understand who this person is (he thinks he's someone that just wants to be his friend), why he has to video chat with him, and why this person won't come to visit. I feel like he's being set up to be more confused and potentially let down than before. And this was in response to having to pay more money, for the last 5 years he has not been concerned at all about building this relationship from across the country.
    Quote Quoting wickedsm0715
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    How am I keeping him out of the picture? He gets phone calls twice a week and can pay to visit with 30 days notice per mediation agreement. This was just signed off in court a week ago.
    Please tell me you're not that obtuse. If you truly can't see what the rest of us are seeing, perhaps Dad would be the better CP.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Can You Restrict Contact to Telephone if a Custody Court Authorized Video Chats

    Bio dad refers to himself by his name to our son and has whenever he's had his limited involvement, the mediator also told him straight out that if he calls his step dad daddy we can't tell him to not do it. What he calls each person is his decision. Our mediator said once those questions start coming to avoid them at this age and basically try to avoid them until he's a bit older. But if bio dad calls himself by name to our son why is this something that I'm at fault for? Bio dad hasn't been involved, no calls or visits except for one that my son doesn't even remember happening. My son has 2 step sisters that he has heard call my husband dad so it's natural he would too. We never coached him to do this. His father also agreed that since he doesn't understand father vs bio dad, step. Daddy etc that for now presenting him as just a friend is fine. This is straying from my original question quite a bit. I'm asking about Skype vs phone calls.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Can You Restrict Contact to Telephone if a Custody Court Authorized Video Chats

    Quote Quoting wickedsm0715
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    Bio dad refers to himself by his name to our son and has whenever he's had his limited involvement, the mediator also told him straight out that if he calls his step dad daddy we can't tell him to not do it. What he calls each person is his decision. Our mediator said once those questions start coming to avoid them at this age and basically try to avoid them until he's a bit older. But if bio dad calls himself by name to our son why is this something that I'm at fault for? Bio dad hasn't been involved, no calls or visits except for one that my son doesn't even remember happening. My son has 2 step sisters that he has heard call my husband dad so it's natural he would too. We never coached him to do this. His father also agreed that since he doesn't understand father vs bio dad, step. Daddy etc that for now presenting him as just a friend is fine. This is straying from my original question quite a bit. I'm asking about Skype vs phone calls.
    Obviously this is a situation where dad is NOT going to get custody, because he is basically a stranger to the child and has been a stranger to the child by his own choice...and apparently his continuing choices as well. I suspect that he recognizes that and doesn't intend to introduce the fact that he is the child's father until they get to know each other better. That is actually admirable on his part. He might not even be sure that he is ready to be a real father to your child and therefore again, is taking it slow so as not to traumatize the child. Again, admirable on his part. He recognizes his limitations.

    However, I do agree with other responses that you have received that if Skype was included in the order you have to honor that.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Can You Restrict Contact to Telephone if a Custody Court Authorized Video Chats

    Quote Quoting llworking
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    Obviously this is a situation where dad is NOT going to get custody ...
    "YET".

    That would make the sentence much more accurate.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Can You Restrict Contact to Telephone if a Custody Court Authorized Video Chats

    If he wants to Skype, you let him Skype. If he wants a phone call, you let him call. That is what you do because that is what the court says he gets to do.

    If he is a stranger to this child and he is the one having his son call him by his first name and has no issue with him calling the stepdad "Dad" then what is the problem? That absolutely has nothing to do with her question and people just let their personal feelings come into play on these type of questions. If a child wants to call a stepparent "mom" or "dad" they can. When I was married to my ex, one day the kids came to me and wanted to start calling me "mom." I was touched that they wanted to but it was also awkward as they live with their mom and see her. But my ex even said he knows they call their stepdad "Dad" just not around him. His daughter even told me a couple months ago she has two dads.

    I do not know why people get so upset on here when a kid wants to call a stepparent "mom" or "dad" especially when the biological parent has been completely absent their entire lives.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Can You Restrict Contact to Telephone if a Custody Court Authorized Video Chats

    Quote Quoting wickedsm0715
    View Post
    Bio dad refers to himself by his name to our son and has whenever he's had his limited involvement, the mediator also told him straight out that if he calls his step dad daddy we can't tell him to not do it. What he calls each person is his decision. Our mediator said once those questions start coming to avoid them at this age and basically try to avoid them until he's a bit older. But if bio dad calls himself by name to our son why is this something that I'm at fault for? Bio dad hasn't been involved, no calls or visits except for one that my son doesn't even remember happening. My son has 2 step sisters that he has heard call my husband dad so it's natural he would too. We never coached him to do this. His father also agreed that since he doesn't understand father vs bio dad, step. Daddy etc that for now presenting him as just a friend is fine. This is straying from my original question quite a bit. I'm asking about Skype vs phone calls.

    What he calls each person is his decision? Do you let him choose what to wear and what to eat for dinner, too?

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Can You Restrict Contact to Telephone if a Custody Court Authorized Video Chats

    Quote Quoting wickedsm0715
    View Post
    Bio dad refers to himself by his name to our son and has whenever he's had his limited involvement, the mediator also told him straight out that if he calls his step dad daddy we can't tell him to not do it. What he calls each person is his decision. Our mediator said once those questions start coming to avoid them at this age and basically try to avoid them until he's a bit older. But if bio dad calls himself by name to our son why is this something that I'm at fault for? Bio dad hasn't been involved, no calls or visits except for one that my son doesn't even remember happening. My son has 2 step sisters that he has heard call my husband dad so it's natural he would too. We never coached him to do this. His father also agreed that since he doesn't understand father vs bio dad, step. Daddy etc that for now presenting him as just a friend is fine. This is straying from my original question quite a bit. I'm asking about Skype vs phone calls.
    The mediator DOES NOT CONTROL. You are engaging in alienation you selfish twit. He needs to know this person is his actual FATHER and not the person who you lied and allowed him to call daddy. You never coached him but you never talked about his dad even though you accepted his actual father's money. Pathetic.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Phone Time vs Facetime

    Keep trying to keep Dad out of the picture and you're going to face a lot more trouble than you seem to think.

    You clearly don't like the man - so why are you so keen on trying to force the court to transfer custody to him?

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