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  1. #1
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    Jul 2016
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    Default Can a Minor Have an Online Relationship With an Adult in Another State

    My question involves criminal law for the states of: Iowa and California

    I am a 14 (nearly 15) year old girl in Iowa wishing to have a romantic relationship with a 19 year old in California. We haven't officially started dating, but we would like to. However, we are both scared of the risks involved in pursuing this because of our ages. Would a long-distance relationship between us be illegal if no nude photos or things of that nature were sent? Also, not saying that this would happen, but would sending "dirty" texts (no pictures, just words) be illegal? Neither of us want to get ourselves or the other in trouble and would really appreciate some help.

  2. #2
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    Jan 2006
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    Default Re: Can a 15 Year Old Engage in a Long-Distance Relationship with a 19 Year Old

    Of course you have met each other and actuslly know the truth of each other's life, right?

    your parents have the legal right to prohibit the 19 yo from contacting you. If they take the necessary steps the 19 yo could be charged criminally should s/he violate any court order in place.

  3. #3
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    Sep 2005
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    Default Re: Can a Minor Have an Online Relationship With an Adult in Another State

    Quote Quoting jusefb
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    My question involves criminal law for the states of: Iowa and California

    I am a 14 (nearly 15) year old girl in Iowa wishing to have a romantic relationship with a 19 year old in California. We haven't officially started dating, but we would like to.
    What IS "officially dating?" Do you send out announcements? Do you get your picture taken at Dairy Queen? Do you go to a school dance?

    Of course you haven't started dating, yet! You live close to 1500 miles apart!

    However, we are both scared of the risks involved in pursuing this because of our ages. Would a long-distance relationship between us be illegal if no nude photos or things of that nature were sent? Also, not saying that this would happen, but would sending "dirty" texts (no pictures, just words) be illegal? Neither of us want to get ourselves or the other in trouble and would really appreciate some help.
    First, you have NO IDEA who it is you are REALLY talking to. I cannot tell you the number of cases I have worked where the dreamy dude or dudette is really some older perv - or simply someone with a sick sense of humor.

    "Dirty" texts could be troublesome, and nude photos WOULD be both a violation of state and federal laws for both of you.

    THIS would NOT be a relationship. This would be chatting online with a stranger. If your parents are not on board with this, then you need to walk away now. It will take nearly no time at all for the guy on the other end to learn a LOT about you, including your name, schedule, home address, etc. This is how predators find their victims.

    Leave this be and only "date" guys that are your age and who your parents have met.

  4. #4
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    Jul 2016
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    Default Re: Can a Minor Have an Online Relationship With an Adult in Another State

    Didn't need a snarky response, thanks. We video chat constantly and send selfies daily through Snapchat. Also, I've talked to a couple of his siblings and his mom. And yes, I know that none of these things *really* prove that he is who he says, but I'm not an idiot and have dealt with people on the internet long enough to tell when someone is a catfish or liar. I've made a number of friends online who I've talked to for years, and have even met a few face to face. If you'd like to reply with some real advice and not assume that I'm an idiot, it would be greatly appreciated.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Can a Minor Have an Online Relationship With an Adult in Another State

    Quote Quoting jusefb
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    Didn't need a snarky response, thanks. We video chat constantly and send selfies daily through Snapchat.
    That is still NOT "dating," and you STILL do not KNOW him or anything about him.

    Understand that for years that was most of my job - dealing with juvenile crimes where kids like you got snookered by guys while the girls claimed that they knew him, they were soul mates, and he was nothing like what their parents said he was like ... gads, if I had a nickel ...

    Also, I've talked to a couple of his siblings and his mom. And yes, I know that none of these things *really* prove that he is who he says, but I'm not an idiot and have dealt with people on the internet long enough to tell when someone is a catfish or liar.
    Yeah, your extensive 14 years of experience. Puhlease .... (And, oh, I have worked cases where the girls have said the same thing you just told me - I'd be happy to elaborate as to the who and the why around it if you'd like ... but, what do I know, I only have four kids from 22 to 16, have been a high school and college instructor, and have worked investigating crimes for 25 years.)

    While he MAY be on the up and up, this is still NOT a dating relationship and your mom can still veto the whole thing. But, I presume you have not let mom into this little secret. And I am greatly surprised that the 19 year old's mom is okay with her son getting cozy with a child online! THAT is a recipe for disaster for her boy!

    I've made a number of friends online who I've talked to for years, and have even met a few face to face. If you'd like to reply with some real advice and not assume that I'm an idiot, it would be greatly appreciated.
    I never said you were an "idiot." You may be very bright ... for a teenager. You ARE, however, young and inexperienced in the ways of the world. One can be bright and unwise.

    In any event, if the conversation gets sexual or encourages you to act against your mom's wishes, that can be a crime. Sexual conversation can be a crime. Nude images ARE a crime.

    You'd be better off developing local relationships where you and your parents can get to know the boy for real, not virtually.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Can a Minor Have an Online Relationship With an Adult in Another State

    You need your parents' approval to be chatting with a 19-year-old like this. If you don't have their approval, and they find about about this, they will have the legal wherewithal to get this guy into serious criminal trouble. He is breaking the law by sending "dirty" texts to you. He is also breaking the law by allowing you to send "dirty" texts to him. I am in no way being snarky, I am just telling you how the law works.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Can a Minor Have an Online Relationship With an Adult in Another State

    Quote Quoting jusefb
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    Didn't need a snarky response, thanks. We video chat constantly and send selfies daily through Snapchat. Also, I've talked to a couple of his siblings and his mom. And yes, I know that none of these things *really* prove that he is who he says, but I'm not an idiot and have dealt with people on the internet long enough to tell when someone is a catfish or liar. I've made a number of friends online who I've talked to for years, and have even met a few face to face. If you'd like to reply with some real advice and not assume that I'm an idiot, it would be greatly appreciated.
    I don't have to assume anything. You are a typical little teen smitten with some guy that is immature for his age and apparently cannot find companionship in people his own age. You stomp your feet and tell the world how committed and serious each of you are and love will conquer all.


    Sorry kid kid but I've seen the same story time and time again. You'll argue until you are blue in the face and I'll never convince you otherwise. Hopefully you won't end up like so many other kids that do things like this.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Can a Minor Have an Online Relationship With an Adult in Another State

    Quote Quoting jusefb
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    Didn't need a snarky response, thanks. We video chat constantly and send selfies daily through Snapchat. Also, I've talked to a couple of his siblings and his mom. And yes, I know that none of these things *really* prove that he is who he says, but I'm not an idiot and have dealt with people on the internet long enough to tell when someone is a catfish or liar. I've made a number of friends online who I've talked to for years, and have even met a few face to face. If you'd like to reply with some real advice and not assume that I'm an idiot, it would be greatly appreciated.
    You're 14.

    You're acting like a childish idiot.

    If you'd rather we didn't treat you like a childish idiot, change your tune and your tone. Pretend we're actually your parents.

    Actually, I do have an idea.

    Have his Mom speak to YOUR Mom one-on-one, and using video so they can both tell the other is not some whiny 14 year old pretending to be Mama. Then perhaps they can have a real conversation about why one of them is apparently just fine knowing her 19 year old ADULT son will be sexting with a young teen he's never actually met. Maybe it's normal in their family. I don't know.

    Or ... maybe his Mom doesn't actually know you're only 14?

  9. #9
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    Mar 2016
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    Default Re: Can a Minor Have an Online Relationship With an Adult in Another State

    Quote Quoting jusefb
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    Didn't need a snarky response, thanks. We video chat constantly and send selfies daily through Snapchat. Also, I've talked to a couple of his siblings and his mom. And yes, I know that none of these things *really* prove that he is who he says, but I'm not an idiot and have dealt with people on the internet long enough to tell when someone is a catfish or liar. I've made a number of friends online who I've talked to for years, and have even met a few face to face. If you'd like to reply with some real advice and not assume that I'm an idiot, it would be greatly appreciated.
    Oh you naïve child. No one is who they say they are online. Just because you talked to people who say they are his siblings and his mom do not mean anything. Why is his mom encouraging her adult son to date a minor? You are jail bait. Go find guys your own age that you can meet in person. All you are doing with this online "dating" thing is setting yourself and him up for failure.

    You do not know him. You do not know his family. Stop talking to the guy. If I was one of your parents, I would lock you out of your computer and all social media accounts since you obviously can't take care of yourself.

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