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  1. #1
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    Default Can an Absent Parent Get Joint Custody of the Children

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

    The father of my children has not been involved at all i been the sole primary caretaker, the one time he took care of him he physically hit him that till this day my son is not over it he frightens his dad they have no bond since hes been absent from his life now that i filed for childsupport he filed on me for joint custody and to modify childsupport will he be granted joint custody if hes been absent the entire kids life

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Can an Absent Parent Get Joint Custody in California if Hes Been Absent

    Quote Quoting Mcr84
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    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California the father of my children has not been involved at all i been the sole primary caretaker, the one time he took care of him he physically hit him that till this day my son is not over it he frightens his dad they have no bond since hes been absent from his life now that i filed for childsupport he filed on me for joint custody and to modify childsupport will he be granted joint custody if hes been absent the entire kids life
    He'll probably get joint legal (decision-making) custody, but a 50/50 timeshare is not likely at all. The courts are very used to seeing this - a previously absent parent gets ordered to pay child support and suddenly Poof! Instaparent wants half and half because they (mistakenly) believe that it will negate child support.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Can an Absent Parent Get Joint Custody in California if Hes Been Absent

    I have threat messages were he is stating if i didnt accept his deal of money he was gonna file for joint custody because hes not paying childsupport, my son doesnt know his fathers name but he remembers his face he doesnt want to go with him because he still remembers the day he hit him if this has happened do they grant him joint custody i mean i dont mine him visiting my kids but him getting joint custody i dont know

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    Default Re: Can an Absent Parent Get Joint Custody in California if Hes Been Absent

    Quote Quoting Mcr84
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    I have threat messages were he is stating if i didnt accept his deal of money he was gonna file for joint custody because hes not paying childsupport, my son doesnt know his fathers name but he remembers his face he doesnt want to go with him because he still remembers the day he hit him if this has happened do they grant him joint custody i mean i dont mine him visiting my kids but him getting joint custody i dont know
    Did you read my post at all?

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Can an Absent Parent Get Joint Custody in California if Hes Been Absent

    Quote Quoting Mcr84
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    I have threat messages were he is stating if i didnt accept his deal of money he was gonna file for joint custody because hes not paying childsupport, my son doesnt know his fathers name but he remembers his face he doesnt want to go with him because he still remembers the day he hit him if this has happened do they grant him joint custody i mean i dont mine him visiting my kids but him getting joint custody i dont know
    Why does he not know his father's name?

    If your son's father has been absent from his life, how do you know he doesn't want to go with him? It certainly sounds like you are sabotaging the relationship by influencing your joint child with your animosity towards the person you chose to create a child with.

    They are his children too.

    Shame on you!

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Can an Absent Parent Get Joint Custody in California if Hes Been Absent

    Uh yes, the fact that your son is not comfortable with his father and doesn't WANT to be around his father, and has huge traumas about the one time back in recorded history that your son still remembers that his father hit him (how many times has he been TOLD about this incident?) does not negate the fact this is his father. And as such, this person has some actual custody and visitation rights if he chooses to exercise them.

    From the outside, it sounds as though both of you are just using the child to fight each other, and this won't show well for either of you in court. Dad is trying for joint because he doesn't want to pay ANY child support, and you want both child support and NO contact with daddy for the child.

    What the court will do is probably what was suggested above, which is give him joint legal with still paying child support. And you guys will continue fighting and squabbling and he will try to make each visitation he exercises a pitched battle with you and will punish the child for his having to pay child support to you. Not a great guy. But legally, he is the child's father, the person YOU picked to have a child with, so for that child's sake, you need to start encouraging accommodation and teaching coping skills to the child, so the situation can be as un-traumatic as possible for him.

    Let the terrible terrible incident back when that time when the child was two and "your father hit you!" die. If he hits the child again, call the police and DHS and get a big deal made of it at that time. But you can't keep bringing up something that never got reported way back some time ago as a great excuse to never ever let your son be around his father if his father is willing to be around him and asks that of the court.

    P.S. You may think we are being very hard on you here. But honestly, what we call you on here is similar to what the courts will see. I would strongly strongly advise you to get a good family attorney to represent you, though you may think you cannot afford it. It will be worth it. Because this situation will have a huge impact on your child's life, and your arguments here that he should have to pay you, and you should get sole custody are NOT going to work and you'd find yourself slapped back hard if you went to court with only this.

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    Default Re: Can an Absent Parent Get Joint Custody in California if Hes Been Absent

    I'm curious as to how old this child is, and whether Mom has him in counseling.

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    Default Re: Can an Absent Parent Get Joint Custody in California if Hes Been Absent

    I talk to his mother and they live in the same home everytime i would take him with me to her house he wouldnt want to go in he fears his whole family i wasnt there when he put hands on my son i was only notified when i picked him up after work and you are VERY wrong i never talk bad about him to my son i know they are his children but i dont want my kids to be in a place were they can be harmed as there father is always searched for weapons when he gets pulled over and yes my son is going to counseling to help him get over this fear with his father as his counselor determined my sons health his dad will need to take parenting classes and my son needs to continue going to counseling as he is very emotionally hurt.

    He is curently seeing a counselor and he is five turning 6

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Can an Absent Parent Get Joint Custody in California if Hes Been Absent

    Spanking is legal. Many people are always searched for weapons. It means nothing necessarily. And his counselor cannot determine dad needs to take parenting classes without meeting dad.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Can an Absent Parent Get Joint Custody in California if Hes Been Absent

    Quote Quoting Mcr84
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    I talk to his mother and they live in the same home everytime i would take him with me to her house he wouldnt want to go in he fears his whole family i wasnt there when he put hands on my son i was only notified when i picked him up after work and you are VERY wrong i never talk bad about him to my son i know they are his children but i dont want my kids to be in a place were they can be harmed as there father is always searched for weapons when he gets pulled over and yes my son is going to counseling to help him get over this fear with his father as his counselor determined my sons health his dad will need to take parenting classes and my son needs to continue going to counseling as he is very emotionally hurt.

    He is curently seeing a counselor and he is five turning 6
    And when was the last time he saw his father?

    Quote Quoting qwaspolk69
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    She still never said he spanked the child did she? Nope.

    She said: "The father of my children has not been involved at all i been the sole primary caretaker, the one time he took care of him he physically hit him that till this day my son is not over it he frightens his dad they have no bond since hes been absent from his life now that i filed for childsupport he filed on me for joint custody and to modify childsupport will he be granted joint custody if hes been absent the entire kids life "

    Something happened to the kid it traumatized him to this day
    . None of us here know what happened except the child and the father. It depends state by state and how much force was used (sadly) when you hit your child. It is up to the prosecutor in each case, the interpretation of judges and previous cases.

    In California this is child abuse:

    California Penal Code 273d PC

    •Slapping a child hard enough to leave a mark,
    •Engaging in a physical fight with a teenager and leaving bruises on him/her, and
    •Beating a child with a belt to discipline him/her.

    Obviously she never reported it so it really does not matter at this point except that his father did something to him that makes him afraid of him. But she never said he spanked him either.
    Not necessarily.

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