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  1. #1
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    Jun 2016
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    Default Threat to Make False Statements to Military Member's Command

    My question involves defamation in the state of: Indiana

    My boyfriend has an ex girlfriend threatening to ruin his military career by informing his command of there previous relationship and everything involved, also she is threatening to tell his family who are unaware of the situation.

    So a few months ago he was dating Jane Doe, a few weeks into the relationship he broke up with her. At the time he was waiting for his divorce to be finalized.

    Jane Doe contacted him and informed him she was pregnant. So he tried to work things out with her and get back together. He never really saw proof of the pregnancy. She then a few weeks later said she was told by a doctor that she had developed preclampcia and if she didn't have an abortion she would die.

    My BF advised her to go through with the abortion for the sake of the other two children that she already has. So she told him her OB/GYN gave her the abortion pills and she took them and the abortion was complete. They broke up again.

    Fast forward a few months, he's divorced now and we are dating. She's back. She told him if he doesn't get back with her she is going to tell his command and family about everything and that he forced her to have the abortion, yet he lives two hours from her and was never present at any of the appointments or when she took the pills.

    I myself have had two abortions, surgical and pills. He told me everything she told him about it and nothing is adding up. She now says the pills scarred her uterus and she can't have kids now. She also said after the abortion she had to have multiple surgeries to put her "uterus back together."

    This all sounds crazy. At this point we think she made everything up. He never saw proof of the pregnancy, doctors visits, the abortion or the "surgeries."

    Is there anyway to force her to provide documents? If it is a lie is there a way to get her for slander/defamation to his career and his family is going to be pissed if they find out he supported an abortion.

    Is there anything we can do? Also, is there anyway to make her stop harassing him? She has now looked up my information and threatening me.

    This has all been through text.

    Help!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: Adultery and Abortion

    Quote Quoting MaggieN
    View Post
    My question involves defamation in the state of: Indiana

    My boyfriend has an ex girlfriend threatening to ruin his military career by informing his command of there previous relationship and everything involved, also she is threatening to tell his family who are unaware of the situation.
    No laws against that.

    So a few months ago he was dating Jane Doe, a few weeks into the relationship he broke up with her. At the time he was waiting for his divorce to be finalized.
    A few months ago?! And ... he's now in a relationship with you? Already?


    Jane Doe contacted him and informed him she was pregnant. So he tried to work things out with her and get back together. He never really saw proof of the pregnancy. She then a few weeks later said she was told by a doctor that she had developed preclampcia and if she didn't have an abortion she would die.
    He wouldn't be entitled to her medical records. And as odd as it may seem, she didn't have to prove anything to your boyfriend when they were together.




    My BF advised her to go through with the abortion for the sake of the other two children that she already has. So she told him her OB/GYN gave her the abortion pills and she took them and the abortion was complete. They broke up again.
    The timeline here is looking more than a little suspect.


    Fast forward a few months, he's divorced now and we are dating. She's back. She told him if he doesn't get back with her she is going to tell his command and family about everything and that he forced her to have the abortion, yet he lives two hours from her and was never present at any of the appointments or when she took the pills.
    Nothing illegal about telling his family and his employer/command that they were in a relationship. He had no inherent right to be present at any appointment, incidentally.

    Telling them he "forced" her to have an abortion would be rather foolish since only she has the final choice on that one. She sounds delightful.


    I myself have had two abortions, surgical and pills. He told me everything she told him about it and nothing is adding up. She now says the pills scarred her uterus and she can't have kids now. She also said after the abortion she had to have multiple surgeries to put her "uterus back together."
    Huh. Multiple surgeries, a short timeline, several months ... yeah, no. There are some gaps there.


    This all sounds crazy. At this point we think she made everything up. He never saw proof of the pregnancy, doctors visits, the abortion or the "surgeries."
    She may well have made it all up. But that's honestly not the problem anyway ...

    Is there anyway to force her to provide documents? If it is a lie is there a way to get her for slander/defamation to his career and his family is going to be pissed if they find out he supported an abortion.
    The problem isn't whether or not an abortion took place. The problem is that he was committing adultery. That part is true, and truth is an absolute defense to a defamation suit.

    Is there anything we can do? Also, is there anyway to make her stop harassing him? She has now looked up my information and threatening me.

    This has all been through text.

    Help!
    If you're being threatened, report it to the police.

    Frankly though he's worrying (or you are? is he actually worried at all?) about the wrong thing here.

    And can I offer you some heartfelt, bdtd advice?

    Walk away. Walk away now, and walk away fast while you still can.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
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    2

    Default Re: Threat to Make False Statements to Military Member's Command

    He's freaking out about his career. I'm trying to help anyways I can. I'm in the military as well. Her telling the command all of this could hurt him. Abortions are greatly frowned upon and could keep him from getting promoted.

    We just started dating and sadly I have had some crazy situations just like him, something about being in the military seems to attract the crazies.

    I just don't want anything to hurt his career, especially if it's not true. It's causing him a lot of stress and worry.

    I also don't want to see his family getting upset if it never happened.

    She said she is also going to try to take him to court for convincing her to have the abortion.

    We just want the entire situation gone so we can go about our lives. I also don't want my career being threatened.

    We were just wondering if there was a way to put an end to all of this.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
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    3,212

    Default Re: Threat to Make False Statements to Military Member's Command

    I agree with everything Dogmatique said. She is not going to go away. The only way that you may get away from her is to break up with him. Hopefully then she will leave you alone, but there are no guarantees with people like her.

    The things that you have said here, are these all things that he has told you or have you heard her with your own two hears say these things ? I wonder why she would tell him she can no longer get pregnant. When I read that, she is going to try and get pregnant with his child, if the first thing I thought.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Threat to Make False Statements to Military Member's Command

    Quote Quoting MaggieN
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    He's freaking out about his career. I'm trying to help anyways I can. I'm in the military as well. Her telling the command all of this could hurt him. Abortions are greatly frowned upon and could keep him from getting promoted.

    We just started dating and sadly I have had some crazy situations just like him, something about being in the military seems to attract the crazies.

    I just don't want anything to hurt his career, especially if it's not true. It's causing him a lot of stress and worry.

    I also don't want to see his family getting upset if it never happened.

    She said she is also going to try to take him to court for convincing her to have the abortion.

    We just want the entire situation gone so we can go about our lives. I also don't want my career being threatened.

    We were just wondering if there was a way to put an end to all of this.
    The military does not care one hoot about a servicemember's ex having an abortion. They don't care if servicemember's wife has an abortion. They care about abortion only when it pertains to the actual servicemember (that would be a female servicemember, obviously) and only when they need to care about it. Please know that this has been something my family has dealt with; I'm not approaching this from the viewpoint of someone without experience. I'll expand a bit further down.

    If his career is hurt by her telling the truth about the adultery, then he'll have to deal with it.

    I can also tell you that the court doesn't care about her abortion, either - unless she was unable to consent (which implies she is a vulnerable adult), everything was and is on her. Let me ask you this question in the hopes that it puts to rest at least one fear:

    How would the court know that your boyfriend had anything to do with her (let's assume she's telling the truth) pregnancy and later abortion? She cannot prove paternity, can she? The same goes for his command - exactly how would they know he was responsible for this alleged pregnancy? They can't know, can they?

    He needs to block her number and stop responding to her - period. Not one more word. The same goes for you. If she persists, you can try to obtain a restraining or anti-harassment order against her.

    Does that help at all?

    I have to reiterate though that it's not the pregnancy and/or abortion he should be worried about; it's the fact that he committed adultery.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
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    312

    Default Re: Threat to Make False Statements to Military Member's Command

    Something tells me Condoms would have saved everyone here a whole lot of trouble.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Threat to Make False Statements to Military Member's Command

    Quote Quoting Pringle
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    Something tells me Condoms would have saved everyone here a whole lot of trouble.
    I still think she needs to run far, far away from this guy. Very far.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
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    473

    Default Re: Threat to Make False Statements to Military Member's Command

    Block her number and ignore her, and advise your bf to do the same. The military has bigger things to worry about than your bf's inability to practice safe sex. (And listen to the wise people who are telling you to run far and fast from this guy. You're in for nothing but heartache from him.)

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
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    1,026

    Default Re: Threat to Make False Statements to Military Member's Command

    "something about being in the military seems to attract the crazies"

    Coming from a background where my father, my ex-husbands father, my partners father and my youngest son are/were all veterans I find this statement highly insulting.

    Gail

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