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  1. #1

    Default Can Your Parents Stop You From Moving Out at Age 18

    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Florida
    My parents are emotionally and physically abusive (divorced parents) my moms current boyfriend of five years is at times sexually abusive towards me. I plan to move out at the age of 18 in a few months with my boyfriend and his family who know in details my situation and are supportive of our decision. My parents mostly to keep a hold on me have threatened him, My boyfriend is slighter older but still legally able to date me but my parents don't approve and I fear.
    1) they may hurt him or me
    2) they might do something to stop me from leaving
    3) I am diagnosed with bipolar and I fear they will use it to keep me in their household (I have court documentation saved saying I am not a danger or disabled from my parents recent appeal for disability this year)
    4) they will will not let me take my possessions with me
    5) I may need to involve the police
    6) they may accuse him of crimes he didn't commit or use my mental illness against me to make me stay


    With the life time of abuse I have really bad anxiety and I'm truly terrified of them hurting me the day I say I want to leave. I know how extremely manipulative they are and I fear my words won't count when the time comes. Even though I will be 18 I have no proof of abuse except my own word against theirs. And my words (those of a child) have never been acknowledged or given attention to.

    I am wondering if there is anything they can do to keep me from leaving when I turn 18. I plan to continue highschool by transferring to a school near my bf house. I've been saving money and will apply for a job once I have moved. Can they do anything to keep me because of my mental illness even with proof of not being a danger? If they accuse me or him how can their words hold up with an officer of the law? Can they keep my possessions? If I involve the police will they listen to them or me? What if they hurt him? I never leave my house except for school, I'm not allowed to see friends and some people at school even say I have a neglected childhood, when I turn 18 can I legally leave the house without permission and not have the cops called on me? I was thinking if I don't leave the day I turn 18 I can use my independence to get a head start on job searching. But I have to go straight home after school. Can they call the cops if I'm not home yet?

  2. #2
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    Jun 2014
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    Default Re: Moving Out of an Abusive Household in Florida

    The papers saying you are not disabled are of no use to you. The ALJ that decided that is different than Judges in the courts. The criteria for disability changes when you become 18. What are your plans for getting a job and supporting yourself or do you already have a job. You will need to be sure that you continue to see your drs and take your medications. Florida did not expand medicaid, so you will have ot either go to a free clinic or buy your own insurance.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Moving Out of an Abusive Household in Florida

    With the help of my boyfriend and his sister they have a few places I can interview for a job and the owners are friends of the family who are willing to help. They have also offered to help me build my resume. I'm a very social and kind person and I can do well in the interviews. I do fairly well without doctors or medication, Unfortunately part of the abuse is they neglected my doctors and medication for a few years now. I've learned self control tactics and most people don't even believe I'm clinically diagnosed as bipolar because I know how to control it in social situations and not act on emotions. I do wish to find and continue therapy if I can after I move out after creating a planned out budget plan and able to have therapy again

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Moving Out of an Abusive Household in Florida

    Quote Quoting Padaleckidalek
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    With the help of my boyfriend and his sister they have a few places I can interview for a job and the owners are friends of the family who are willing to help. They have also offered to help me build my resume. I'm a very social and kind person and I can do well in the interviews. I do fairly well without doctors or medication, Unfortunately part of the abuse is they neglected my doctors and medication for a few years now. I've learned self control tactics and most people don't even believe I'm clinically diagnosed as bipolar because I know how to control it in social situations and not act on emotions. I do wish to find and continue therapy if I can after I move out after creating a planned out budget plan and able to have therapy again
    If you're trying to manage bipolar disorder eschewing meds and doctors, your parent might actually have a shot of keeping you there.

  5. #5
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    Jan 2015
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    Default Re: Moving Out of an Abusive Household in Florida

    Keeping "your things" is probably not going to be an option. I'd suggest getting your things out (clothes, for example) as much as you can before the great date, because once you leave, I don't anticipate your getting to come back in and pack up anything. Things like cars, computers, cell phones, anything they are paying for now, those aren't going to be considered yours. And as it has been pointed out to you, moving out is going to mean losing coverage under health care plans. It will be a long time before there is a chance for you to get re insured and resume counseling. Be sure you are on good terms with your bofriend, because it's going to be quite expensive to make your own way in the world, and you must become gainfully employed if you are to pay your share of food, clothing, shelter, transportation, etc. instead of relying on him completely. This move requires serious planning, which you need to be doing right now.

    Yes, I'd say it will involve the police, if as you worry about, they're going to hurt you or try to stop you from leaving or any of the things you are concerned about. And yes, you can leave legally, but that doesn't mean they have to be cooperative about it. Expect them to make a pretty big scene. Moving out to live with your boyfriend just isn't a very mature or well thought of scene. Better to try for more independence, try for a more open situation at home, get that job, get a bit more money saved up and and plans made before you go out in a grand gesture on your birthday. Some people at school's opinion just that you are abused or neglected just isn't going to carry much weight or get you what you want. And be very careful about slinging around sexual abuse "sometimes" that you haven't heretofore reported. If you have been sexually abused, you need to bring that up with a school counselor and get it out in the open at once. But even foster care from the state ends with you turning 18, and then you are pretty much on your own. Be sure you are ready for that when you move. They are providing some things for you, like a place to live, and that's going to go away completely when you move out.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Moving Out of an Abusive Household in Florida

    A word about health insurance.

    I don't know what decision the OP's parents will make about health insurance. Assuming that we are talking about employment-based insurance, it is entirely up to the parents whether to insure dependents between the ages of 18 and 26. Since an 18 year old is a legal adult, short of a court order they are not required to provide insurance for their 18 and up children.

    But as long as the dependent is under 26, the parent MUST be allowed to provide such coverage IF THEY CHOOSE TO. The adult child does not have to be a dependent for tax purposes and does not have to be living at home and does not have to be ineligible for other insurance and does not even have to be single. If the parent wants to include their under-age-26 child on their employer sponsored health insurance, they MUST be allowed to do so. Neither the employer nor the insurance carrier can refuse to provide such coverage.

    So it is not really accurate to say that if the OP moves out, she WILL lose their health insurance. If the parents want to continue to provide coverage for her own safety, they may do so. They are not required to - she MIGHT lose coverage. But it is not the truth that she WILL, without exception.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Moving Out of an Abusive Household in Florida

    I know you can't imagine this, but what will you do if after a few months of living with your boyfriend, he tells you to get out ? You really do not know someone until you have lived with them. If he breaks up with you or you with him, that means if your employer is friends with him you will more than likely lose that job as well as any other help you are receiving because you are with him. What if you get pregnant? Then what will you do ? It is very expensive raising a child even with child support.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Moving Out of an Abusive Household in Florida

    If you are bipolar (you seem to question it, not me) then it should be managed by meds. It makes life MUCH easier! As to you being a danger to yourself or other due to being bipolar, that is unlikely.

    I can tell you that it's very common for people with bipolar disorder to mask the symptoms...sort of. People do know. You'll come across as being all over the map, your responses won't be quite right. They won't know why but they will wonder.

    Before you tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about, you're a special snowflake who can mask perfectly, I'm bipolar. I went without medication for 25 years and I was considered to be extremely volatile and, when manic, definitely a risk to myself as my willingness to accept risk would skyrocket, especially for someone involved in high risk activities.

    While it's not specific to you, if it's abuse why haven't you reported it to a school counselor or the police? Many teenagers, mine included, believe that they are abused because of rules or restrictions that are placed on them.

    Moving out on your own is tough and expensive, more than you realize since most living costs aren't know to you. And moving in with your BF and is family will be a, shall we say, challenging situation, especially if you're off medication. It will take planning, chicanery and a good amount of resourcefulness to make it happen in a good way. Good luck and please, take your meds.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Moving Out of an Abusive Household in Florida

    We are none of us able to guess what the OP's parents will do regarding health care, or letting her keep her possessions, or involving the authories for that matter. But if she is actually worried they will harm her or her boyfriend, and has suffered years of emotional and even sexual abuse my money's not on their being overly concerned about her health care needs and willing to keep her on their policy even if she defies them and moves out without their permission.

    I'd really like to see her trying to work with them once she becomes of age, to get employed, get some therapy going, and try to make the move out less of a catastrophic big Eve of My Birthday event. Moving out because you want to go away to school, moving out because they are being unreasonable about allowing you to work while finishing high school, moving out because I can afford a place of my own now...these are a little more defensible than "you creeps have been abusing me for years and now that I'm 18, I'm going to move in with my boyfriend and he's going to take care of me!"

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Moving Out of an Abusive Household in Florida

    Quote Quoting comment/ator
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    We are none of us able to guess what the OP's parents will do regarding health care, or letting her keep her possessions, or involving the authories for that matter. But if she is actually worried they will harm her or her boyfriend, and has suffered years of emotional and even sexual abuse my money's not on their being overly concerned about her health care needs and willing to keep her on their policy even if she defies them and moves out without their permission.

    I'd really like to see her trying to work with them once she becomes of age, to get employed, get some therapy going, and try to make the move out less of a catastrophic big Eve of My Birthday event. Moving out because you want to go away to school, moving out because they are being unreasonable about allowing you to work while finishing high school, moving out because I can afford a place of my own now...these are a little more defensible than "you creeps have been abusing me for years and now that I'm 18, I'm going to move in with my boyfriend and he's going to take care of me!"
    I would agree with you, except that there is occasional sexual abuse going on and that is a huge reason why someone should get out as soon as possible...assuming that part is true, of course.

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