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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
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    3

    Default How to Hold a Father Accountable for Child Support When the Child is 17

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Washington

    In short, I would like to find a way to make the biological father of my child pay. I know that sounds vindictive, and some of it is. I will list out the facts, then explain why I am looking to get support - or something - so late.

    1) His name is not on her birth certificate.
    2) He was told she was his before birth and again when she was 18 months old.
    3) My ex-husbands name is on the birth certificate; a DNA test was done for his peace of mind, proving he is not the father.
    4) The biological father has been contacted many times by my daughter, in an attempt to build a relationship with him - money was never asked for.

    Ok - I'll try to keep it short. When I was pregnant, I had to quit the job I had and find something less physical (Dr.s orders). I was unable to find anything quickly enough, and was forced to move out of state and in with my parents, where I would have some support.

    The biological father threatened to take the baby away before she was born. I was scared enough that I asked my ex-husband to allow me to put his name on the birth certificate, and discontinued contact other than Dr. visit updates. I did not change any of my contact information. When she was born, I did not contact him, and he did not contact me. I chose to 'let sleeping dogs lie', until I gained some stability.

    When she was 18 months old, I contacted him and told him he had a daughter. He responded by saying he wanted nothing to do with her, that if he even knew her name he would take her away from me. I was not yet living on my own, and had a great support system. I was scared enough that he might have won, that I chose not to pursue it. I did consider filing for support at the time, but ultimately came to the decision that filing for support would be like forcing him to take partial custody. He obviously didn't want anything to do with her at the time, and I didn't want him fighting for even partial custody out of spite to hurt me. I also wanted my daughter to have the opportunity to get to know him on her terms, when she was old enough to chose for herself, and truly felt that filing for support would destroy that possibility. I know....it was obviously a stupid choice. I own that.

    She contacted him when she was 13, and he rejected her. She reached out again at 15 with the same response. At 16 she contacted his family, and was welcomed by them with open arms. He was forced to acknowledge her by his family, and has since done little more than lie and make empty promises. He did provide a few hundred dollars to help her with college fees, and gave me $2000 for braces for her. He also said he would get her an apartment through college, and told me he would give her a monthly payment - directly to her account - until she was 18. He has not done the monthly payment, has now told her he won't help with the college apartment, and has made and broken many meeting times with her.

    I made the choice to raise her without his financial assistance with the hope that he and his child could build a relationship when they were both older and more mature. I was obviously misguided, and I'm not necessarily trying to make him pay for the past 17 years. But I do believe it is justified at this point to expect him to help her through college. He is financially able to do so, without causing lifestyle changes (according to his family).

    Our daughter will be 18 in October. Is there anything that I can do to force him to take some responsibility? She has suffered a lot of rejection, gone through periods of depression, one episode of suicidal ideation, and a lot of confusion and anger. He has taken no accountability, and has tried to maintain that he wanted to know her, that he has suffered because he wasn't allowed to know her. Can I go for back support? Or is it possible to take a different angle? Maybe damages?

    I know that some of my reasoning is vindictive. But anger aside - I do believe he should take some accountability for creating a child. He has been given many chances to be in her life, and has refused. He has caused her emotional harm by rejecting her and lying to her. And - while I married and was able to raise her in a family environment without assistance from her biological father, I am now single and cannot cover her college expenses.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    98,846

    Default Re: How to Hold a Father Accountable for Child Support When the Child is 17

    Quote Quoting TheresaJean
    View Post
    My ex-husbands name is on the birth certificate; a DNA test was done for his peace of mind, proving he is not the father.
    Unless your ex-husband's paternity was legally disestablished by a court, the putative father cannot be treated as the child's legal father and cannot be ordered to pay child support.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: How to Hold a Father Accountable for Child Support When the Child is 17

    There's no reason why your daughter can't at least partially fund her own college education.

    Given that the biological father simply hasn't been on the scene, what have you been doing to help your daughter?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    3,212

    Default Re: How to Hold a Father Accountable for Child Support When the Child is 17

    She doesnt need an apartment, there are college dorms. There is also college aid if the family can't afford college. And last, but not least, there are jobs that college students have will working their way through college.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: How to Hold a Father Accountable for Child Support When the Child is 17

    Thank you. It was not legally disestablished. But my daughters paternal grandparents have been trying to encourage me to establish paternity. From what I understand, that can be a pretty long process, correct?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: How to Hold a Father Accountable for Child Support When the Child is 17

    Dogmatique and Mercy&Grace - I have been raising her, covering her current college expenses (she is taking classes while in high school), and she works. This isn't a question of 'how to get my daughter through college', I know how to do that. It's a question of accountability in the face of her biological fathers lies and mistreatment of her. I believed that her having a relationship with him was worth more than the lost support - but he has jerked her around, lied to her, made and cancelled meetings, and misguided her regarding his intentions. He skated for 17 years - knowing she was his. He should at least help her through college.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    2,289

    Default Re: How to Hold a Father Accountable for Child Support When the Child is 17

    Parents are not obligated to pay for a child's college. Others have stated that it depends on if he was legally identified as the father. If not he will not be obligated to pay support.

    If you had wanted to get support you should have taken care of this when she was born. You state he did give you money for braces for her so he has helped slightly and has slightly helped with college fees. That seems better than nothing and more than some get from the non-custodial parent.

    I agree with others - she does not need an apartment to go to college and there is financial aid out there for students.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Location
    California
    Posts
    77

    Default Re: How to Hold a Father Accountable for Child Support When the Child is 17

    His financial obligation ended when you chose to make your ex husband her legal father. Legal overrides biology. The only person who ever had a financial obligation to your daughter is your ex husband.

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