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  1. #11
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    Nov 2013
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    in alto mare
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    Default Re: Can a Victim Ask for Leniency in a Domestic Violence Case

    Quote Quoting Melanee
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    What is disturbing to me is I thought was a legal forum. I thought there was legal advice given here. Counseling is already part of our daily lives. AA & Alanon are already part of our lives. I thought this was a place to get legal advice. I am not in denial, I understand he is an alcoholic, and I understand he relapsed. I am worried about my daughter and myself. If you think that I'm not taking steps to heal my entire family, then I don't need your advice. I came here because it is Expert Law, I thought it was advice on legal questions. This incident happened after a year of sobriety. The way I see it is whether I'm with him or not. He is still my friend. He isn't a bad person. Yes he has a drinking problem, and he relapsed and recognizes it. I don't need advice on counseling and all if the other areas that I am already taking care of, I wanted legal advice. I am able to care about more than one person at a time.
    Well, then find a way to pay for an attorney for him. He needs one. This is not a do-it-yourself project.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    20,594

    Default Re: Can a Victim Ask for Leniency in a Domestic Violence Case

    Quote Quoting Melanee
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    What is disturbing to me is I thought was a legal forum. I thought there was legal advice given here.
    Part of any proper legal response will include information to protect the victim and family members from continued harm. In fact, laws in all 50 states tend to mandate such a response from the police and supporting services to one degree or another!

    Counseling is already part of our daily lives. AA & Alanon are already part of our lives.
    Apparently your husband has not taken the counseling to heart as evidenced not only by his continued actions, but by his most recent foul-up.

    I thought this was a place to get legal advice. I am not in denial, I understand he is an alcoholic, and I understand he relapsed.
    You are minimizing his illness and the consequences it has on you and upon your family. That is denial. it is also what we refer to as "enabling" behavior. Until he faces REAL consequences of his actions (your leaving or booting him out, the kids being removed from his presence, jail, fines and other real consequences) he will continue to behave poorly and will go through the motions. I strongly suspect that he attends counseling or classes because he has to. Or, he does it because he feels he must in order to appease you ... or both. I also strongly suspect that he tells family, friends, or maybe even you, that he really doesn't need the counseling because he can control it, but he does it because it makes others around him feel better. When you minimize his actions, you are in denial of them.

    I am worried about my daughter and myself. If you think that I'm not taking steps to heal my entire family, then I don't need your advice.
    Nothing you have stated here indicates that you HAVE taken steps to protect yourself. This sounds as if this is yet one more in a long line of dysfunctional and destructive actions on his part.

    I came here because it is Expert Law, I thought it was advice on legal questions.
    Here's another legal tidbit - if, after a DV incident, you fail to protect your kids by permitting them to be exposed to your abuser, YOU can face criminal charges or potentially lose custody of the children (temporarily), so you had best consider how best to protect them ... and that should NOT include staying under the same roof for the time being.

    This incident happened after a year of sobriety.
    I strongly doubt that ... really. I know a great many alcoholics, and am a friend of Bill W. myself. I doubt that if he had truly been in recovery and sober that this relapse would have happened to this degree. MAYBE he was and then chose to fall off that wagon. But, I doubt it. I strongly suspect that he was hiding a number of such incidents, or, you were overlooking them. But, even if it WAS one incident after one year, you should not be so dismissive of it.

    The way I see it is whether I'm with him or not. He is still my friend. He isn't a bad person. Yes he has a drinking problem, and he relapsed and recognizes it.
    They ALL say that! Abusers AND alcoholics! Next will come the "honeymoon phase" where he will apologize, he will be attentive and loving, he will lavish the family with love, concern, fine words and promises, and even shower everyone with gifts ... and, then, things will go back to the way they were, and often times will get even worse. I have seen this see-saw a thousand times or more.

    I don't need advice on counseling and all if the other areas that I am already taking care of, I wanted legal advice. I am able to care about more than one person at a time.
    Then care for yourself and your children, first. You can best help him by seeing that his action shave consequences and not by apologizing for him or to him and seeking to mitigate any legal or civil consequences of his bad acts.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    24,521

    Default Re: Can a Victim Ask for Leniency in a Domestic Violence Case

    Melanee, listen please.

    The answer to the question you have ASKED is yes. You may ask for leniency. However, the DA is not bound by your request. Just because you ask, does not mean it will happen.

    I think the question you want to ask is, what steps can I take to ensure that he receives leniency. The LEGAL answer to that is, not a darned thing. It is not up to you and it is not in your hands.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    312

    Default Re: Can a Victim Ask for Leniency in a Domestic Violence Case

    Quote Quoting cbg
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    Melanee, listen please.

    The answer to the question you have ASKED is yes. You may ask for leniency. However, the DA is not bound by your request. Just because you ask, does not mean it will happen.

    I think the question you want to ask is, what steps can I take to ensure that he receives leniency. The LEGAL answer to that is, not a darned thing. It is not up to you and it is not in your hands.
    This, to the letter.

    Alanon helped me when my ex went through drug addiction that eventually ended up with us splitting. I can't recommend enough the advice CBG has given, and the guidance Alanon gives as well. Please find a sponsor, as they can make all the difference in the world while you and your kid are going through this.

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