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  1. #1
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    Mar 2011
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    Default Can a Protected Person Take a Child to Visit a Restrained Person in Jail

    My question involves restraining orders in the State of: Washington

    My ex and I have a No-Contact Order as a result of a fight we had two months ago. I went to court to request that it be lifted and the judge refused. We live together and raise our 1-year-old daughter together, and he has no family and nowhere else to go, so we moved to a new apartment and continued living together. We got into another another fight and I called the police. He was arrested for violating the No-Contact Order and has been in jail ever since.

    Today is our daughter's 1st birthday and, although I don't want to have contact with him for myself, I don't want them to miss seeing one another today. Is there anyway that I can take her to see him, or will the jail not even allow me to visit? I don't want to talk to him, but I imagine my being there would be perceived as "contact"? I just want him to be able to see her and her to be able to see him on her 1st birthday. Is that at all possible?

  2. #2
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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: Can a Protected Person Take a Child to Visit Restrained Person in Jail

    Of course it would be "contact". Giving that it looks like you set him up, I'd be extremely dubious of your motives if I were Dad.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Can a Protected Person Take a Child to Visit Restrained Person in Jail

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    Of course it would be "contact". Giving that it looks like you set him up, I'd be extremely dubious of your motives if I were Dad.
    I'm not entirely sure why you feel the need to be a twit in the majority of your replies. Maybe it makes you feel big, you're not. Maybe you think it makes you more important, it doesn't. I absolutely did not "set him up" and I'm sure he would love to see me if I actually wanted to see him.

    The reality is that I fell in love with someone with anger and control issues, he became violent toward me and went to jail. Upon his release, I convinced myself that if I was more submissive, more patient, less demanding, more of everything that he wanted, things would get better - I know, stupid me.

    When no amount of pandering to his needs made anything better, and after he chased me around my apartment punching me over and over and throwing spicy food in my face at 4AM on my birthday, I called the police again. I now realize we shouldn't be together, at least not now and not without some intense counseling on both our parts.

    Nonetheless, I desperately want my daughter to have a relationship with her father, something that I never had, and I know how much he loves her. He's a bad boyfriend, but a good father, and I've never wanted our relationship to interfere with theirs.

    Therefore, despite the fact that I'm not an idiot and realize that my going to see him would be considered "contact", I was curious if there was a way to negotiate things to bring my daughter to see him - if there was any agreement that could be reached between lawyers or the jail or anything wherein we agree not to speak. If you can't be helpful, excuse yourself.

  4. #4
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    Jul 2006
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    Default Re: Can a Protected Person Take a Child to Visit Restrained Person in Jail

    Quote Quoting lamw
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    I'm not entirely sure why you feel the need to be a twit in the majority of your replies. Maybe it makes you feel big, you're not. Maybe you think it makes you more important, it doesn't. I absolutely did not "set him up" and I'm sure he would love to see me if I actually wanted to see him.

    The reality is that I fell in love with someone with anger and control issues, he became violent toward me and went to jail. Upon his release, I convinced myself that if I was more submissive, more patient, less demanding, more of everything that he wanted, things would get better - I know, stupid me.

    When no amount of pandering to his needs made anything better, and after he chased me around my apartment punching me over and over and throwing spicy food in my face at 4AM on my birthday, I called the police again. I now realize we shouldn't be together, at least not now and not without some intense counseling on both our parts.

    Nonetheless, I desperately want my daughter to have a relationship with her father, something that I never had, and I know how much he loves her. He's a bad boyfriend, but a good father, and I've never wanted our relationship to interfere with theirs.

    Therefore, despite the fact that I'm not an idiot and realize that my going to see him would be considered "contact", I was curious if there was a way to negotiate things to bring my daughter to see him - if there was any agreement that could be reached between lawyers or the jail or anything wherein we agree not to speak. If you can't be helpful, excuse yourself.
    Your stupidity has reached new highs by insulting Dogmatique. Congrats.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Can a Protected Person Take a Child to Visit Restrained Person in Jail

    Quote Quoting Ohiogal
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    Your stupidity has reached new highs by insulting Dogmatique. Congrats.
    I'm not stupid and I'm sorry that you're offended that I insulted someone for leaving a condescending reply to someone in need of genuine help - not for the first time, mind you, as this isn't my first time posting in these forums and getting such a reply from Dogmatique. Sorry that I insulted your hero. I extend to you the same invitation that I offered Dogmatique to help or leave. Bye.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Can a Protected Person Take a Child to Visit Restrained Person in Jail

    Quote Quoting lamw
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    I'm not stupid and I'm sorry that you're offended that I insulted someone for leaving a condescending reply to someone in need of genuine help - not for the first time, mind you, as this isn't my first time posting in these forums and getting such a reply from Dogmatique. Sorry that I insulted your hero. I extend to you the same invitation that I offered Dogmatique to help or leave. Bye.
    Actually yes you are. And Dogmatique is not my hero. Heck she isn't even a friend as we have had our issues. HOWEVER, she responded truthfully and honestly and was correct. Moreover, she is a respected member of this forum and many others and was not being condescending to you. It would be contact to take your child to the jail. It is that simple. Now go crawl back under the rock which you call home.

  7. #7
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    Sep 2005
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    Default Re: Can a Protected Person Take a Child to Visit a Restrained Person in Jail

    Quote Quoting lamw
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    My ex and I have a No-Contact Order as a result of a fight we had two months ago. I went to court to request that it be lifted and the judge refused.
    And... the judge was correct:
    Quote Quoting lamw
    ...we moved to a new apartment and continued living together. We got into another another fight and I called the police. He was arrested for violating the No-Contact Order and has been in jail ever since.
    As for the visit in jail, if your boyfriend is not restrained from seeing the child, perhaps there's another responsible adult who can facilitate a visit. If you want to learn the jail's visitation policies, including the dates upon which visitation is permitted, you will need to speak with the jail.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    California
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    Default Re: Can a Protected Person Take a Child to Visit a Restrained Person in Jail

    Quote Quoting lamw
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    My question involves restraining orders in the State of: Washington

    My ex and I have a No-Contact Order as a result of a fight we had two months ago. I went to court to request that it be lifted and the judge refused. We live together and raise our 1-year-old daughter together, and he has no family and nowhere else to go, so we moved to a new apartment and continued living together. We got into another another fight and I called the police. He was arrested for violating the No-Contact Order and has been in jail ever since.
    HE was an idiot for continuing to live in a situation where he was continuously in violation of the court order and could go to jail on any given day whether you called the cops or not.

    YOU ran the real risk of losing custody of your child for continuing to live with your abuser. Given this situation, I am surprised that child services is not already involved.

    Today is our daughter's 1st birthday and, although I don't want to have contact with him for myself, I don't want them to miss seeing one another today. Is there anyway that I can take her to see him, or will the jail not even allow me to visit? I don't want to talk to him, but I imagine my being there would be perceived as "contact"? I just want him to be able to see her and her to be able to see him on her 1st birthday. Is that at all possible?
    Yes, that would be contact. Chances are the jail staff would not let you up to see him because of the order. If they did, and he was aware that you were a visitor, he could potentially be charged AGAIN with a violation of the order!

    As was suggested, if there is someone not named on the order that you trust to bring the child up to see him, try that ... provided the jail staff will allow a non-guardian to bring a one-year-old up to a visitation room. Many jails do not permit such visitations, so you may have to check on the policy there.

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