I Want Sole Custody of My Child

[KLaNJ]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: New Jersey

I am originally from FL, but I moved to NJ about 2 years ago. My child will be 10 and the father and I have never been married. We seperated when my child was a baby and I have been raising my child since. He left my child for 2 years and then moved back to FL. He would get my child every other weekend if that deepending on his actions and state of mind. Before my move I found out he had been in and out of Rehab so before I moved he didn't see my child for months. It wasn't aware he was on drugs but that also explains is behavior from time to time. I moved out of state and I was informed by legal counsel that I could move being that there was no custody established. My child's father only calls once a month when its convenient and pays child support when its convenient. We have never had a custody issue through the courts and a part of me wants to just cut him out of our lives because I am tired of having to cover for him not calling or saying he's going to visit and doesn't. It's heartbreaking constantly having to make up a lie as to why your child's father doesn't make an effort.

All I want is consistency and have had this conversation multiple times and I hear the same thing. So I want Sole Custody because I take care of my child and have been. I make all of the decisions. I don't take my child's love from her father away and never would, I just need something in writing or need to now legally that I have all rights to my child. I want something establish but I also don't want to go through the stresses of the courts. What Can I do?

[Mr. Knowitall]

As the child has been domiciled in New Jersey for well over six months, you may file a custody action in New Jersey, serving the father at his present location, and ask that the court award you sole custody. We cannot promise you that specific outcome.

You cannot get a custody order without going through the courts.

[llworking]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: New Jersey

I am originally from FL, but I moved to NJ about 2 years ago. My child will be 10 and the father and I have never been married. We seperated when my child was a baby and I have been raising my child since. He left my child for 2 years and then moved back to FL. He would get my child every other weekend if that deepending on his actions and state of mind. Before my move I found out he had been in and out of Rehab so before I moved he didn't see my child for months. It wasn't aware he was on drugs but that also explains is behavior from time to time. I moved out of state and I was informed by legal counsel that I could move being that there was no custody established. My child's father only calls once a month when its convenient and pays child support when its convenient. We have never had a custody issue through the courts and a part of me wants to just cut him out of our lives because I am tired of having to cover for him not calling or saying he's going to visit and doesn't. It's heartbreaking constantly having to make up a lie as to why your child's father doesn't make an effort.

All I want is consistency and have had this conversation multiple times and I hear the same thing. So I want Sole Custody because I take care of my child and have been. I make all of the decisions. I don't take my child's love from her father away and never would, I just need something in writing or need to now legally that I have all rights to my child. I want something establish but I also don't want to go through the stresses of the courts. What Can I do?

What do you believe sole custody will give you that you do not already have?

[KLaNJ]

I know what rights I have as of now because there is no documented custody established. However, that it also problematic due to the father's name being on the birth certificate. I have done my research regarding the legal aspects of establishing cutsody. I just want something documented because I don't know what he's capable of nor do I trust him. There are alot of factors that are involved when it comes to him, and I don't want to put myself or child in a situation where just because he helped make her, he deserves to make decisions in her life. I don't think he is fit to be a parent. I have tried to do my best to be the better parent by allowing him to see her when he did, and now that I know he was involved with drug use, who can fault me for not wanting to involve him in my child's life? How many chances can you give someone that clearly decides to keep going down the wrong path?

[llworking]

I know what rights I have as of now because there is no documented custody established. However, that it also problematic due to the father's name being on the birth certificate. I have done my research regarding the legal aspects of establishing cutsody. I just want something documented because I don't know what he's capable of nor do I trust him. There are alot of factors that are involved when it comes to him, and I don't want to put myself or child in a situation where just because he helped make her, he deserves to make decisions in her life. I don't think he is fit to be a parent. I have tried to do my best to be the better parent by allowing him to see her when he did, and now that I know he was involved with drug use, who can fault me for not wanting to involve him in my child's life? How many chances can you give someone that clearly decides to keep going down the wrong path?

An unwed mother has sole legal and physical custody by default. Dad is not exercising any visitation or attempting to exercise any visitation other than phone calls. He has no decision making rights at this point and would not have any unless he files to establish joint legal custody and a formal parenting plan.

NJ is very much in favor of joint legal custody (joint decision making) therefore it would be a bit of a battle for you to get sole legal custody. It would not be unwinnable for you, under the circumstances, but it would definitely be a battle if dad did not role over and play dead.

However, in the end, it is wiser to have custody formally established. However, sole legal and physical custody does not mean that dad will not be given visitation rights as part of that process. Sole legal and physical custody does not make dad legally "go away". It simply does not work that way.

[KLaNJ]

Thank you very much for replying. Your post was very helpful. Its not about him going away as I understand sole custody doesn't mean he won't have visitation. I am not aware of his progression when it pertains that aspect of his life. I would prefer supervised visitation if any given his circumstances. As I stated my child's love for her father is something I will never take away and if my child choses to see and/or speak to him I won't hold them from that. I guess it will just put my mind more at ease knowing there is some type of documentation for an established agreement. I just don't want my child to suffer because of his inconsistencies.

[Dogmatique]

If he decides he'd like visitation, it will generally be supervised only in the very short term and your mutual child won't be making the choice.

[comment/ator]

I strongly suggest that when you do go to court, you do have a good family law attorney to guide you, because frankly, the trend in child custody these days is away from sole custody, and the way you are talking here doesn't get you any points with anybody who's going to be hearing you. I strongly suspect that this person who is your child's other parent is someone you chose to sleep with back when they probably weren't making any better choices and didn't have any better habits and wouldn't have made any better of a father for a child than he is now. And your discussion of how he's gone "down the wrong path" especially when you found out because he's been in rehab (which means he made some effort to fix the problem perhaps) sounds a little bit self righteous and sanctimonious. You picked this guy to have sex with, thus admitting the possibility of having a child with him. That he's the way he is doesn't make him not the father, or totally destroy his right to have contact with his daughter. Neither does his lack of child support payments or his inconsistency in showing up for the visits you have had total control over up to this point.

[christielyn]

You already have "sole custody". Dad is on the birth certificate but that doesn't give him rights to access his children without a court order. So basically he can come to you and say he'd like to see his kids and you have ever LEGAL right to say "no". But he has the right to hire a lawyer and fight for visitation right too. Will that happen? Maybe ... maybe not. The ONLY way you can remove him legally from ever getting rights is to marry and have your husband adopt them. Besides doing that, you're not going to be able to simply erase dad but rest assured that he has no rights at this time. Breath and try to move forward.

[Mr. Knowitall]

In New Jersey, once paternity is established, unmarried parents have the same rights to their children as married parents, so it's not accurate to suggest that dad has no rights to access his children.