How Can You Live Independently of Your Parents Without Their Consent

[fst2011]

My question involves juvenile law in the State of: NY

Hello,

First I know some people dislike when people ask for help without trying to research their own info first. I have tried just that. I've read allot of posts here and trying to get some info to help point in right direction. I also read allot of post where most replies kinda take the tone of "too bad, go home and do what your parents say" In most cases this would be good advice but I will explain why I truly could use helpful advice, please.

My parents got divorced maybe when I was around 10 years old. I lived with my mom and never wanted to be with my father. My mom passed away over a year ago and I had to live with my dad. He does not put his hands on me but does yell and verbally abuse me. Ive been depressed over losing my mom and asked for help but does not bother to try and get me help. He takes this, I should get over my mom passing, stop being so sad. His new girlfriend has also told me that Im using the loss of my mom for attention, which Im truly not. I just miss her horribly and stay in my room. I dont do drug, I get good grades, I dont stay out late....aside from being sad and having an attitude, thats all I do. They yell at me and truly make me feel like its been so long that I should not be sad anymore. Sorry but my mom was best friend and cant take this anymore. I'mnot happy home. its starting to effect my schooling too.

I have a family member that I can go live with and they want to take me in. They have tried to talk me into staying with dad but its been over 6 months and I cannot stand it anymore, Im not happy. Im tried of being scared. I read on another post someone wrote this:


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New York courts will apparently recognize the status of an emancipated minor who meets the following elements:

The minor must be aged 16 or older;
The minor must reside independently of his or her parents;
The minor must be self supporting (although public assistance or court-ordered child support payments made to the minor would not disqualify the minor from being recognized as emancipated);
The minor must not be in need of or receipt of foster care; and
The minor must be living beyond the custody and control of his or her parents.
******

I understand everything except for where it reads "The minor must reside independently of his or her parents".....from what Ive read, if I leave my father house he can call cops and they will get me and bring me home. So if that is true then how can I "reside independently" ???


Also, some posts start with "I need help cause Im 16 and want to live with boyfriend" this is NOT the case. I dont have one right now, nor am I in the right state of mind to even focus on that. I just want to leave my fathers house and be with family that truly cares about me. I'm so happy with the family i want to live with. They give me the space I need to deal with the loss of my mom.


Please can someone explain the above question and also maybe give advice on the steps I can take to get this done correctly.

[m.ice]

If what you say is true, it sounds as though you should go to a school faculty member for help. From everything I have read, emancipation will be reaching too far. But if your family member or CPS, or both get involved, maybe your family member could try to get legal custody of you? Verbal abuse is not okay, nor is neglecting your need for medical attention concerning your depression. If you're father won't help you, you really need to reach out to someone who is legally obligated, like a trusted teacher or counselor, to put you in touch with someone who can. I'm sorry for what you are going through and for your loss.

[Dogmatique]

Let's start at the bottom and work backwards.

Your state does not actually have statutory provisions for emancipation. Rather, what you've found are examples of when NY may acknowledge that you are an emancipated minor. See the difference?

So, onto the elements. Emancipation is about need. It's not about what you want, or what you think is best - but rather about need. Emancipation is also rarely granted, even in the states where there are procedures and forms to be filled. I live in a different state, and as an example in one county about 1-3% of petitions are granted. If you don't live in that county don't even waste your time filing, because it's just not happening.

If you'd like examples of what a petition would need, I can give some examples but they're really not going to help you much since you can't really "file" in NY to begin with.

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. You're still actively grieving and that's something you must do and must do only by your own timeline. Nobody else can tell you when to start and stop. Have you reached out to online groups for grieving teens?

- - - Updated - - -

If what you say is true, it sounds as though you should go to a school faculty member for help. From everything I have read, emancipation will be reaching too far. But if your family member or CPS, or both get involved, maybe your family member could try to get legal custody of you? Verbal abuse is not okay, nor is neglecting your need for medical attention concerning your depression. If you're father won't help you, you really need to reach out to someone who is legally obligated, like a trusted teacher or counselor, to put you in touch with someone who can. I'm sorry for what you are going through and for your loss.

Nothing has been stated to come close (unfortunately) to having a third party take custody from Dad. Verbal abuse is impossible to define, and hence it rarely rises to the level of "unfit". Add to that the fact that grief is considered "situational" depression (as opposed to a chronic issue), and Dad isn't actually under much - if any - obligation to actually put the OP into counseling, though it would help tremendously usually.

[fst2011]

I want to truly thank everyone for taking out the time. Please don't flame if I ask incorrect question this is something I don't know about and really could use help... Please.

I don't understand how this could be possible... Meaning, that there is nothing I can do and I'm stuck living somewhere I feel uncomfortable.

If my mom was still alive, I would be with her... He never tried to get custody while alive. I know some might think I'm being a brat... But I'm truly not. I'm not asking to leave cause he set house rules or took cell phone away (just examples, never happened)... I love my father & would still consider seeing him maybe weekend's but living there is not healthy.

He does not beat me, although I've been scared he would. However, he yells, makes me feel like I'm alone and truly doesn't care that I miss my mom.

Please help explain... How can it be possible that they force me to stay somewhere I feel is hurting me mentally. Don't I have some say in where I want to live? Doesn't the fact that, after the divorce, my mom took me, count for something?

I'm not saying I want to end my life, I'm really not... I swear and this is not an idea I just thought of... I've wanted to move out since I was forced to live here and that is going back 8 months or longer. I hate going home, it makes me sic.

Please, there must be something I can do? I'm scared if I go home now, he will be worse or possibly raise his hands now that he knows I want to leave.

Please help

[llworking]

I want to truly thank everyone for taking out the time. Please don't flame if I ask incorrect question this is something I don't know about and really could use help... Please.

I don't understand how this could be possible... Meaning, that there is nothing I can do and I'm stuck living somewhere I feel uncomfortable.

If my mom was still alive, I would be with her... He never tried to get custody while alive. I know some might think I'm being a brat... But I'm truly not. I'm not asking to leave cause he set house rules or took cell phone away (just examples, never happened)... I love my father & would still consider seeing him maybe weekend's but living there is not healthy.

He does not beat me, although I've been scared he would. However, he yells, makes me feel like I'm alone and truly doesn't care that I miss my mom.

Please help explain... How can it be possible that they force me to stay somewhere I feel is hurting me mentally. Don't I have some say in where I want to live? Doesn't the fact that, after the divorce, my mom took me, count for something?

I'm not saying I want to end my life, I'm really not... I swear and this is not an idea I just thought of... I've wanted to move out since I was forced to live here and that is going back 8 months or longer. I hate going home, it makes me sic.

Please, there must be something I can do? I'm scared if I go home now, he will be worse or possibly raise his hands now that he knows I want to leave.

Please help

I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I am going to echo some advise that you got from a previous poster, but with a different twist. I really feel that you should reach out to your school counselor. I really feel that you and your father would serious benefit from joint counseling, and you would benefit from individual counseling. Perhaps your school counselor could help your father see that you really do need some help.

[comment/ator]

You still have one living parent who has not been determined in any way to be unfit. I understand very thoroughly that you "feel this is hurting you mentally" but that's not the kind of abuse that CPS and the police and social services finds it necessary to get involved with.

Your relatives would be creating a terrible kettle of fish if they allowed you to come and live with them at this point. There is nothing we've heard that would warrant that sort of intervention, and you'd be brought back and they might be prosecuted. You don't want that for the people who are trying to help you. If you are between sixteen and eighteen, there may be a bitter situation in which, like a foster child, you must be there in this less than good situation until you "age out."
Seeking counseling from your school would be a great way to start working on this. You obviously haven't talked to your father about your feelings much, and don't expect him to be sympathetic to your moving out. But if he isn't very interested, perhaps he'll let you visit a lot and spend time with these other relatives. But right now, you are still very fragile, your life has been completely uprooted, and you need to work through things very slowly. Your father may not be very sympathetic or kind to you, but do recognize that he is supporting you and providing you with a place to stay. You may hate the situation, but realizing you can't magically fix it by leaving to live somewhere else is a first step.

[Dogmatique]

When did Mom die?

[cbg]

How Can You Live Independently of Your Parents Without Their Consent

As long as you are under the age of 18, and I mean as long as you are even one day under the age of 18, there is one way and one way only you are legally going to live anywhere that your parents do not consent to, and that is if the state removes you from the home. If that happens, you will live where the state says you live. If it doesn't happen, you live where your parents say you live.

There is no - repeat, NO provision anywhere in the law that is going to force your parents to allow you to move out, or that will prohibit them from dragging your ass back home if you move out without permission. And the folks you run to can end up in jail for permitting it. Is that what you want to see happen?