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  1. #1
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    Oct 2015
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    Default Accusations of Abuse and Nitrous Oxide Consumption in a Child Custody Case

    My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Florida

    Me and my ex-girlfriend recently had a nasty falling out. We had twin boys together, she has a 3.5yr old son, and I have a 2.5yr old daughter (joint custody with my ex-wife). In short, she is trying to get full custody of the children and is lying about every possible thing she can to try to make me out to be the worst person imaginable. I had a "Child Protective Investigator" come by here earlier today looking for me and it is freaking me out.

    One thing she is claiming is that I abused her in front of the children. Now, in my defense, I actually have videos as evidence that not only was she the aggressor and assaulted me, but that she did so in front of her son in at least one of the incidences I recorded. While I know she has no actual evidence I assaulted her (because I never have), she has apparently convinced her son to lie about me and tell people that I hit her in front of him. Though it is a lie and it is coming from a 3.5yr old boy doing what his mother is telling him to do, I am concerned that between her word and his, they might try to charge me, despite the evidence I have against her.

    The second issue is that her and I had tried nitrous oxide a few times and she actually recorded it on her phone when I did. While I never interacted with the children while doing it and never in any way showed signs that it "abused" them in any way, I am concerned since while it is a relatively harmless substance, it is still viewed as illegal to consume. To be completely honest, I saw it as no different than consuming alcohol in front of a child in your own home. I'm sure they'll be asking me about it, but while I don't want to lie to them when I know she already gave them the videos, I also don't want to admit it and be charged with something. I also feel like if I refuse to talk and tell them I won't talk without my attorney present, that they will end up arresting me.

    Can anyone suggest what I should do when I talk to this person? I plan to show him the videos of her assaulting me in front of her son and plan to discuss a few other concerns I have about her to him, but I am extremely uncomfortable about answering any questions about myself. I am freaking out because I cannot afford to get out of jail. She already had me arrested for false charges and I am concerned that they are going to try to get me for more, despite the fact that I have a TON of evidence discrediting her. This is my future with my children and possibly even my freedom, so if you have any suggestions, please let me know. I have tried to find local legal advice, but have had no luck.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Regarding Alleged Abuse and Nitrous Oxide Consumption in Front of Children

    Do not speak to anybody without your attorney. That's the wisest thing you can do at the moment. As far as what she recorded, if what you were doing was so bad, why did she sit and record it versus calling for help because the children were at risk?

    As far as your proof, having a recording of something does not prove that nothing ever happened - it only proves that for one particular incident you can show that things were not quite as they were reported.

    Out of interest, how did you end up recording her assaulting you?
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  3. #3
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    Oct 2015
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    Default Re: Regarding Alleged Abuse and Nitrous Oxide Consumption in Front of Children

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    Do not speak to anybody without your attorney. That's the wisest thing you can do at the moment. As far as what she recorded, if what you were doing was so bad, why did she sit and record it versus calling for help because the children were at risk?

    As far as your proof, having a recording of something does not prove that nothing ever happened - it only proves that for one particular incident you can show that things were not quite as they were reported.

    Out of interest, how did you end up recording her assaulting you?
    Thanks for the information. My attorney is a public defendant and as such, nearly impossible to get a hold of, meanwhile these people are going to keep pushing to meet with me. While I do think you bring up a good point regarding her recording it rather than taking action, it doesn't take away from the fact that it is illegal and could be seen as some form of child abuse. Then again, there were also times we used oxygen as well, so I'm almost tempted to just say it was oxygen and leave it at that with them. Considering oxygen inhalation is perfectly legal and great for asthmatics like myself, I don't see how they could perceive that as child abuse.

    I do understand that my proof does not disprove her allegations. However, I do feel it serves as proof that they do not have the place to point the finger at me (at least solely) and blame me if the children have any issues due to arguments in front of them, especially considering I have 5 different videos of 5 different incidents, all of which she is clearly the aggressor and either assaults me or prevents me from leaving. The only evidence so far is me with videos and her and her son with hearsay. Regardless, I just feel it is vital for me to get that information to them, as I know they are doing psychological evaluations on the children for abuse. If they do find signs of abuse, I don't want to be blamed and charged with it before I get the opportunity to provide my evidence to them. I'm just concerned the longer I wait, the more they might just decide to go ahead and charge me.

    As far as how I recorded her, with my iphone. Recording her usually helped to calm her down (but sometimes she would still hit me to try to get the phone out of my hand), or sometimes I would record her because she wouldn't let me leave when she would pick fights with me and it was the only way to get her to let me get away from the hostile environment. While we had kids together, she was VERY unstable, so I wanted to make sure to protect myself with evidence.

    - - - Updated - - -

    What if I were to merely agree to e-mail him the videos and other evidence supporting the concerns of child abuse coming from Hannah and just tell him for additional information, contact my attorney to set up a time for all of us to meet? Nothing in the videos incriminates me at all, but will at least make them think twice about trying to target me as the person who exposed them to abuse. Thoughts?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Regarding Alleged Abuse and Nitrous Oxide Consumption in Front of Children

    Hang on. Explain this please:

    Regardless, I just feel it is vital for me to get that information to them, as I know they are doing psychological evaluations on the children for abuse.
    Is that what you've been told, or is that you thinking that's what might happen?

    No, I don't think you should be emailing anything at this point. If you think that doing so will make them think twice about anything, you're gravely mistaken.

    And I have a somewhat delicate question. Have you ever been investigated or charged with anything vaguely involving the care (or lack thereof) of children?
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  5. #5
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    Oct 2015
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    Default Re: Regarding Alleged Abuse and Nitrous Oxide Consumption in Front of Children

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    Hang on. Explain this please:



    Is that what you've been told, or is that you thinking that's what might happen?

    No, I don't think you should be emailing anything at this point. If you think that doing so will make them think twice about anything, you're gravely mistaken.

    And I have a somewhat delicate question. Have you ever been investigated or charged with anything vaguely involving the care (or lack thereof) of children?
    The psychological evaluations being done were told to me by my ex-wife, as they required our 2.5yr old to do it as well. She wouldn't lie to me about something like that, as we are quite civil with each other. A detective at the police station advised my ex-wife to get a temporary injunction against me because of the investigation for her own safety (so DCF didn't see her as having the child in an unsafe environment). Based on what she said, it seems like this is very serious, but maybe she was just being overparanoid and overcautious, or maybe the detective just has it out for me.

    As far as children, I have never been investigated for anything at all in the past. This is all new to me, which is why I'm so upset about it. I'm afraid of being charged with some bs caused by my ex-girlfriend that they are unaware of, then once again having to go on the defensive rather than take an offensive stance by showing them where their concerns should really be.

    Another concern I have is my ex-girlfriend being with my twins. She is mentally unstable and without me to take her aggression out on, after all the lies she has said about me, I really wouldn't put anything past her. I already filed a report with DCF, but I do not know whether that went into this same case or if someone else is handling it. Either way, I need to give someone this evidence along with other information for them to look into.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Regarding Alleged Abuse and Nitrous Oxide Consumption in Front of Children

    The person to give anything you think might be evidence is your attorney and ONLY YOUR ATTORNEY.

    Yes, public defenders are often very busy without a lot of time to sit down for strategic consultations, but don't let that make you do something incredibly stupid. Until and unless you are ACTUALLY charged or arrested, your interests are best served by being QUIET. Police aren't going to care what your defenses are, they are looking to charge you for what a complainant (your ex) told them. Either they'll have enough evidence to do so, or they won't. If you've not engaged in illegal activity, you should have little to worry about. If you HAVE engaged in illegal activities, then expect to face the music, regardless of what dirt you might have on her or not and help your attorney to build a case AT THAT TIME. You taking any action NOW and OFFERING evidence or information is only going to tie the hands of an attorney in defending you if that becomes necessary at some point. Stop trying to "win" a case that hasn't even been BROUGHT.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Regarding Alleged Abuse and Nitrous Oxide Consumption in Front of Children

    Quote Quoting Physx78
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    The psychological evaluations being done were told to me by my ex-wife, as they required our 2.5yr old to do it as well. She wouldn't lie to me about something like that, as we are quite civil with each other. A detective at the police station advised my ex-wife to get a temporary injunction against me because of the investigation for her own safety (so DCF didn't see her as having the child in an unsafe environment). Based on what she said, it seems like this is very serious, but maybe she was just being overparanoid and overcautious, or maybe the detective just has it out for me.
    Your ex-wife actually has nothing to lose but quite a lot to gain by ... misleading you, let's say. That you're civil with each other doesn't really count for much from the viewpoint of folk who've seen exes do much worse to each other and often in the sneakiest ways ... and all while singing each other's praises to everyone and anyone who'll listen including each other.

    As far as children, I have never been investigated for anything at all in the past. This is all new to me, which is why I'm so upset about it. I'm afraid of being charged with some bs caused by my ex-girlfriend that they are unaware of, then once again having to go on the defensive rather than take an offensive stance by showing them where their concerns should really be.

    Another concern I have is my ex-girlfriend being with my twins. She is mentally unstable and without me to take her aggression out on, after all the lies she has said about me, I really wouldn't put anything past her. I already filed a report with DCF, but I do not know whether that went into this same case or if someone else is handling it. Either way, I need to give someone this evidence along with other information for them to look into.
    (Ditto aardvarc)

    It's all very well saying your girlfriend is mentally unstable, but you made the decision to make her the mother of your children and the court will trust your decision-making until they have a reason not to do so. Clearly she's been more than capable of taking care of the children without you being present and vice versa.

    Outside of that, it bears repeating (apparently):

    You DO NOT need to give ANYTHING to ANYBODY other than your attorney. Disregard that advice at your own risk.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Regarding Alleged Abuse and Nitrous Oxide Consumption in Front of Children

    Quote Quoting Physx78
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    My attorney is a public defendant and as such, nearly impossible to get a hold of,
    Back up here. You posted this as a child custody matter. You now claim to have a public defender, meaning that we're either talking about a criminal case or child protective proceedings. There's an enormous difference. Clear up the facts.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Regarding Alleged Abuse and Nitrous Oxide Consumption in Front of Children

    Quote Quoting Physx78
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    The psychological evaluations being done were told to me by my ex-wife, as they required our 2.5yr old to do it as well. She wouldn't lie to me about something like that, as we are quite civil with each other. A detective at the police station advised my ex-wife to get a temporary injunction against me because of the investigation for her own safety (so DCF didn't see her as having the child in an unsafe environment). Based on what she said, it seems like this is very serious, but maybe she was just being overparanoid and overcautious, or maybe the detective just has it out for me.

    As far as children, I have never been investigated for anything at all in the past. This is all new to me, which is why I'm so upset about it. I'm afraid of being charged with some bs caused by my ex-girlfriend that they are unaware of, then once again having to go on the defensive rather than take an offensive stance by showing them where their concerns should really be.

    Another concern I have is my ex-girlfriend being with my twins. She is mentally unstable and without me to take her aggression out on, after all the lies she has said about me, I really wouldn't put anything past her. I already filed a report with DCF, but I do not know whether that went into this same case or if someone else is handling it. Either way, I need to give someone this evidence along with other information for them to look into.
    Who filed a report with DCF first? You or her?

  10. #10
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    Oct 2015
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    Default Re: Regarding Alleged Abuse and Nitrous Oxide Consumption in Front of Children

    To answer some of the questions... the criminal case is for accusations she made against me, which is the alleged assault in front of the children and that she wanted to call 911 and I wouldn't let her (even though the videos show she had her phone all that night and so do text messages I'm sure). So, since I just learned this morning that my public defender is only assigned to one of those two cases, I am not even sure if she will be willing to help me with this outside matter, as from my understanding, it seems like they are only assigned to one specfic case for you. If someone could verify whether or not the attorney would help me with other matters as well, please let me know.

    What I am also wondering is how do I go about following up with my DCF report about her so they can investigate that matter? Also, as far as who filed first, she did, but considering I have evidence supporting my accusations, I don't see how they could view it as retaliatory. Would it likely be a different individual handling her report compared to mine?

    Contrary to what someone explained, I did not "choose" to have children with her - she stopped taking her birth control and didn't tell me she did. Like I said, she is crazy. As such, I truly am worried about the kids being with her and don't want to just sit back and have them drop the matter against her due to lack of evidence. I suppose I should simply bring this up to the attorney as well and hopefully she will take the time to submit the necessary information?

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