How to Change from Direct Payment of Child Support to Paying Through the Court

[patrick06]

My question involves child support in the State of: NY

My wife and I are separated and I have been giving her money every month to support our child.

She wouldn't agree to anything custody-wise with me, everything is her way or no way. So I filed for joint custody, that is ongoing and only in the beginning stages, I doubt it will be decided for a while. In the meantime I don't want to play tug of war with our kid so i am leaving the arrangement she dictated as is for now.

Because of the of the arrangement, mom does have our kid the majority of the time so I am giving her money for support, but it is NOT through a court order, but morally and for our child I know I need to provide financially. The thing is she is asking for X amount, which is above what I can afford from my income.

I have been giving her the amount shes asked for for about a year and a half, this was mostly from savings but now that has dried up. I live paycheck to paycheck, and now I have fallen behind on the X amount shes asked for. Also in addition to the money I have been giving her I also do provide for daily expenses during the school year. It is not like i only give money and feel my job is done.

I have no problem paying support for our child but the amount I have been paying is above what I would be required to pay from a court order, as it is not 17% of my income, it is more like 35%. I believe the standard 17% in our state is fair, but i'm pretty sure she would not agree to this without going to court. I wish we had done things through the court to begin with but I can't turn back time.

If I do file for a court order support on myself, well, is that even possible? I would like everything to be legally in place as it could come directly out of my paycheck and there would be no issue of what I owe her.

Would I look like a complete a-hole for requesting that the support be court ordered? When I have brought it up to her she basically says I am a terrible dad who needs a judge to tell me to pay my kid. But I just want everything to be legal and fair. Will the custody judge think the same as she is thinking?

Also would we need to settle custody first before the child support can be determined?

My issue is that if we do have to wait for custody to be determined, and I am giving her a payment lower than what she wants, she will have a fit and create more drama between us and possibly not let me see our kid as she has done so in the past when she gets angry at me.

If it is possible for me to request that I pay child support to her at the state's standard through the court, which form would pertain to that? These are the forms available through the court website, I have linked the one I *think* I should be using, but I am not positive. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.


http://www.nycourts.gov/forms/family...dsupport.shtml

http://www.nycourts.gov/forms/familycourt/pdfs/4-3.pdf

[BooRennie]

You can always contact your state's Child Support Enforcement Agency (usually affiliated with DHR/DHS/DFCS departments in other states). They'll be glad to help set up an enforceable order, as well as keeping track of payments.

[patrick06]

You can always contact your state's Child Support Enforcement Agency (usually affiliated with DHR/DHS/DFCS departments in other states). They'll be glad to help set up an enforceable order, as well as keeping track of payments.

Thank you for your help!
Just another question though, so googled and found this to start setting it up:

https://www.childsupport.ny.gov/dcse...LDSS-4882W.pdf

but on the form it asks this:

"Note: The custodial parent (CP) is the parent who the child lives with the majority (over 50%) of the time.
The guardian is an individual who is not the parent, but has physical custody of at least one child
under the age of 21. If the child lives with the guardian on a day-to-day basis, the guardian has
physical custody of the child. Physical custody is different from legal or court-ordered custody.
The noncustodial parent (NCP) is the parent who does not have primary care or custody of the child,
but has a responsibility to pay child support.
The putative father (PF) is the man who may be the child’s father, but who was not married to the
child’s mother before the child was born and has not established that he is the father in a court
proceeding or by an acknowledgment of paternity.
The child is an individual under age 21 for whom support is sought.
Other is an individual for whom no other listed choice applies.
Indicate your relationship to the child of the matter:

I am the (check one):  Custodial Parent  Guardian  Noncustodial Parent  Putative Father
 Child  Other ______ "

Like I said before, there is no custody order in place delegating who is the custodial/noncustodial parent.

In the custody filing I asked for joint custody, but the parenting time I laid out would have me having our child a little over 50% of the time. Obviously I don't know how that will actually turn out, but in the meantime if there is no custody order legally stating who is the CP and the NCP, i'm not sure what I am supposed to do.

I just don't want to shoot myself in the foot and risk naming her as the CP in a document, giving her more reason to think that I can't have any access to our kid unless she says so, or am I being ignorant and she technically is the CP?