Quote Quoting Mr. Knowitall
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Nobody here suggested that the tenants wouldn't move if you threatened to call the police -- you asked how you would legally evict them, not how you might intimidate them into giving up their rights as tenants. However, had you called the police they would have told you that they could not evict your tenants because you did not have an order of possession from a court. You certainly were free to allege that the tenants had drugs or drug paraphernalia in their home, but such an allegation would not entitle you to have the police summarily evict them.
I know (as it pertains to the question I asked)... I was really hoping that the American justice system was as just as moral common sense. Sadly, it seems that things haven't changed at all for the better in the nearly 25 years since Pacific Heights (Cool movie, by the way, whoever suggested it!). In fact, it's actually gotten worse (to hear you all speak on it). *sigh* These are the kinds of things that make me lose hope in mankind as a whole.

And I know no one suggested they wouldn't move if I threatened anything... but you all didn't really even mention that option, either. Again, it's my fault for how I phrased the question. I get that.
Thanks for bearing with me this long. If there ends up being any more severe drama with these "tenants", I'll probably just quit. It's not worth it for my heart or sanity.