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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
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    4

    Default Can the Non-Custodial Parent Take a Default Custody Order Back to Court

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: oregon

    So the back story is for the past 7 years my ex and I have co parented easily. He moved after we split and would come stay with us to visit once a year. After a year to get on his feet he started paying an agreed upon amount for support. We both remarried and all got along just fine.

    A year ago my husband and I decided to move and felt it was in the best interest of my daughter to be closer to her dad. So we moved 1300 miles closer. The original agreement was we would move to a city about 270 miles from them and they would look to move here too or at least much closer. Visits were once a month and we spent all holidays together at our house. Seems amazing right?!?! Well there were some complications. They were always hours late, changed weekends all the time last minute and would always bring our daughter back super tired, having done no homework and spoiled. My husband and I decided not to push it because they were not used to being responsible so it would take time. Once the NCPs wife became pregnant things got worse. 2 months ago after a big fight about visits and child support I decided maybe it was time for a court order. That way we had a plan to follow and a set amount of child support that he couldn't pay only when he felt like it
    So I went to court, he was served, and he never responded. I filed and was granted a default order.
    He refused to negotiate with me so I used the long distance parenting plan provided by the state as a guide to create ours considering the distance and my daughters age. His visits are the same, he has 2 weeks for summer and rotating holidays.
    Every single visit is a struggle because he tries to go around the parenting plan and when I say no he blows up. I used his income for child support and he thinks it's way too much. Probably because he paid so little for so long.
    Anyways my question is can he actually take me back to court if nothing has changed, I have texts showing he knew he was supposed to respond to the filing and didn't, and he did meet with an attorney during this process, and the service was a personal service at a notary where he signed for the docs? Now I've told him even now to send over the parenting plan he wants with the support amount he thinks is fair. He refuses. He just wants me to not follow our current plan. I told him I am and always have been willing to negotiate but as of now this is our parenting plan so I will follow the order only.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    19,901

    Default Re: I "Won" by Default a Month Ago and Ncp Keeps Threatening Court. Can He

    He's free to take his case back before the court. Courts are usually inclined to grant someone a rehearing over a default order. Further, child plans are often revisited if situations change. However, until he actually gets his day in court and has the existing order vacated he needs to comply with it.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: I "Won" by Default a Month Ago and Ncp Keeps Threatening Court. Can He

    What situations would have to change?
    If we went back and came up with a plan would he be able to keep taking me to court? Or is it just because the default is one sided?

    - - - Updated - - -

    Sorry one more thing...
    The only thing I'm really determined about is sole custody. If the court feels more visits are better I'm game. Whatever is best for her is good with me. I won't fight over an extra weekend or whatever.
    But I've always been the decision maker and have some other concerns with having the share that responsibility. He is not the most respondsible person, is not educated at all and overreacts extremely. An example is he found mildew in his bathroom and no matter who told him it wasn't black dangerous mold (a doctor and 2 mold guys) he had to move apartments or when my husband had pnuemonia he had a full meltdown because I didn't take our daughter who had no signs of sickness to the ER. I could go on and on but those are the reasons. I have always included NCP in what I choose and have always taken his opinion into account but at the end of the day I make the choice.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: I "Won" by Default a Month Ago and Ncp Keeps Threatening Court. Can He

    Joint legal (decision-making) custody is the norm - you're going to actually need a reason for the court to deny Dad any decision-making ability. You can be as determined as you want, but if the court orders it you will be sticking to it.

    The courts are, as a rule, reluctant to have default orders set in stone. But this doesn't mean that he can string you along forever, either. The longer he waits without appealing, the better the chances of the court upholding the default order.

    In order for future custody to change he'll have a two-pronged burden to meet; first there must be a significant change of circumstance and then if such a CoC is present, it must be enough that changing custody is in the child's best interest.

    (The mildew thing? You probably don't want to use that as an example - it would be painfully easy to use that against you)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    16,474

    Default Re: I "Won" by Default a Month Ago and Ncp Keeps Threatening Court. Can He

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    Joint legal (decision-making) custody is the norm - you're going to actually need a reason for the court to deny Dad any decision-making ability. You can be as determined as you want, but if the court orders it you will be sticking to it.

    The courts are, as a rule, reluctant to have default orders set in stone. But this doesn't mean that he can string you along forever, either. The longer he waits without appealing, the better the chances of the court upholding the default order.

    In order for future custody to change he'll have a two-pronged burden to meet; first there must be a significant change of circumstance and then if such a CoC is present, it must be enough that changing custody is in the child's best interest.

    (The mildew thing? You probably don't want to use that as an example - it would be painfully easy to use that against you)
    How? It wasn't her apartment or bathroom? What am I not getting?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    35,894

    Default Re: I "Won" by Default a Month Ago and Ncp Keeps Threatening Court. Can He

    Quote Quoting llworking
    View Post
    How? It wasn't her apartment or bathroom? What am I not getting?
    Dad is being criticized for his decision-making. What I'm seeing is a parent who hasn't got a clue what does and doesn't represent a true emergency, and it is, very simply, not uncommon for the parent themselves trying to use the other parent's ignorance against them. Ignorance does not equate to sub-par parenting.

    I will admit that I completely missed the Oregon part. Joint legal won't be ordered unless it's by agreement, so the point is moot.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    1,695

    Default Re: I "Won" by Default a Month Ago and Ncp Keeps Threatening Court. Can He

    How old is the child? If you used the Oregon long distance parenting plan guidelines, why does he have only 2 weeks during the summer? The child is at least 7 and guidelines show 3/4 or 6 weeks for 6 to 9 and 4/6/8 weeks for 9 to 16 or 2/4 weeks for 16 to 18. You do not mention holidays on the new schedule. Are they still all yours? There is more to this story.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Posts
    4

    Default Re: I "Won" by Default a Month Ago and Ncp Keeps Threatening Court. Can He

    That's right it wasn't mine.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I used the guidelines as a reference. She is 7 and hasn't spent much extended time away from me. Even the 2 weeks pushed it and she cried the last 4 nights. Obviously next summer would hopefully be easier for her. I used them as a reference but not every kid benefits from one plan.

    I read Oregon doesn't give joint legal custody without both parents agreement. Am I wrong in that?

    - - - Updated - - -

    Sorry I keep adding. I'm not opposed to changing the order. The only reason it's only my say is because he didn't join in the discussion. I was more worried about being dragged into court.
    I moved my daughter and family to be closer to him. Just because we stopped seeing eye to eye doesn't make him any less important to her wellbeing.
    We spent so long making it work but I still think having a set plan will avoi arguments. They are healthy at all for anyone.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    16,474

    Default Re: I "Won" by Default a Month Ago and Ncp Keeps Threatening Court. Can He

    Quote Quoting Lvpor
    View Post
    That's right it wasn't mine.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I used the guidelines as a reference. She is 7 and hasn't spent much extended time away from me. Even the 2 weeks pushed it and she cried the last 4 nights. Obviously next summer would hopefully be easier for her. I used them as a reference but not every kid benefits from one plan.

    I read Oregon doesn't give joint legal custody without both parents agreement. Am I wrong in that?

    - - - Updated - - -

    Sorry I keep adding. I'm not opposed to changing the order. The only reason it's only my say is because he didn't join in the discussion. I was more worried about being dragged into court.
    I moved my daughter and family to be closer to him. Just because we stopped seeing eye to eye doesn't make him any less important to her wellbeing.
    We spent so long making it work but I still think having a set plan will avoi arguments. They are healthy at all for anyone.
    You are correct. A set plan/enforceable court order is generally better for everyone, including the child. However, some people simply cannot stand to be "scheduled". My ex is one of those people. However, he works well with a schedule if its a schedule that ends up happening by more or less morphing into it.

    He and I were constantly going at it because he simply could not be on time to pick up our child on the weekends. He usually picked her up for the day on Saturdays. He would tell me that he would be there at 10:00 AM and I would still be calling him sometimes at 2:00 in the afternoon trying to figure out where he was.

    Finally I told him that I generally ran errands on Saturday and I usually waited until after he picked up the child to do so. I told him that if I just knew that he was going to be picking her up later in the day I could go ahead and run my errands and take her with me. His reaction was kind of priceless...LOL. He got this dumbfounded look on his face and said "you mean you really don't care when I pick her up, you just want to know when so you can arrange your day?" After that he always let me know exactly when and always showed up within a few minutes of when he said he would be there.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    1,695

    Default Re: I "Won" by Default a Month Ago and Ncp Keeps Threatening Court. Can He

    It is true each child is unique, but you were patting yourself on the back for being so fair and accommodating by following guidelines which was a misrepresentation of the facts.

    IMO, you are not being fair to either your daughter or your ex by your schedule and attitude. She has not been away from you because of you.

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